I never thought that the cultural background of a dating prospect would make much of a difference when it came to relationships. However, since living in New York, I’ve had the opportunity to meet many different people from various backgrounds and it’s become clear that there are definite cultural norms specific to European men versus American men (especially New Yorkers). I’m not to judge that one is better than the other, and mind you, my observations are based on my own experiences as well as a group of women I’ve interviewed in the last two years. The below is a list of some of the themes and commonalities observed. Now, when I discuss the differences between European and American, I’m referring to a mindset. You can very well be born in America but have a more “European” mindset and vice versa.
1. European men aren’t just aiming to score. American men on the other hand, tend to be goal oriented, with the aim of getting laid. Perhaps this ‘score mentality’ is for bragging rights, perhaps it’s for validation so they can feel wanted and desired, or perhaps it’s a pure ego play. American men will rush to get you in bed as quick as possible, while European men don’t appear to have the same rush (or desperation).
2. European men don’t ‘date’ – in the formal way that Americans are used to. The types of dates seen in movies – the formal ask, the fancy dinner and the entire dance that ensues simply doesn’t exist in the European mindset, in fact, the word “dating” isn’t even a part of their lexicon. Sure, they will go out for dinner and do fun activities, but it’s not packaged up in a formal and contrived manner.
3. European men aren’t into labelling. Unlike American culture, where there’s almost a rite of passage which takes two people from “hooking up” to “seeing each other” to “dating” to “exclusive”, these labels just aren’t a focus or concern for European men. They don’t over analyze the situation. Rather, the mentality is, “I like you, I want to see you, and if it’s enjoyable, let’s keep seeing each other”. It’s more organic and instead of defining the relationship in order to know how to act, they let the relationship unfold and the label of boyfriend/girlfriend just naturally develops in the process.
4. European men are comfortable with women, which leads to respect for women. Perhaps this has to do with their upbringing, where it’s very normal for boys and girls to play and intermingle together. They grow up developing friendships with the opposite sex and in turn, develop more empathy and understanding of the opposite sex. In American culture, there is a clear segregation of the sexes, boys play with boys and do boy things and girls do the same. Then these boys grow up and are exposed to the opposite sex in an abrupt, often sexualized way. The consequence of this is a lack of understanding of women, a lack of comfort and often, a lack of respect.
5. European men are raised to have great manners. This is definitely seen in how they treat not only women, but everyone around them. There is a courtesy, consideration, chivalry and thoughtfulness in how they act, behave and engage with others. They are also raised with strong family and community values, so there is a sense of responsibility and accountability for others, not just for the self. American culture raises children to be fiercely independent and to look out for ‘number one’. This breeds a generation of men who have habits of looking after their own needs versus the needs of the collective.
6. Europeans don’t get their sexual education from porn. For example, in the Netherlands, comprehensive sexuality education starts at age four. In America, sexual education is not taught until one hits their teens, if they are taught at all. The topic is still taboo and filled with shame. It’s no surprise that American men are left to their own devices, subconsciously learning about sex through porn and the media.
“Many American men are getting their sexual education from porn.”
7. European men do not “ghost”. Instead of cruelly dismissing someone by disappearing, they communicate that they are not interested. Again, this comes down to respect and manners.
8. European men have a different perception of beauty. As the media in Europe is a lot more heavily monitored, Europeans grow up surrounded by media and images of women who are curvy, comfortable in their own skin, and sensual (versus overly sexualized). The latest law passed in France where excessively skinny models need to prove their health is a testament to that. But when you’re surrounded by American media, filled with Barbie dolls, waif skinny models and Baywatch breasts, the idea of what ‘beauty’ is becomes skewed.
9. European men have a quiet confidence, a demeanor that doesn’t need to scream out loud to prove themselves. The American way is loud and even arrogant at times.
10. American men like to date around. The dating culture involves trying out many different options at the same time. Call it the revolving door or hedging – there’s the idea in the American approach to dating that there’s always something better around the corner. With European men, if there’s mutual interest, they keep seeing that person and don’t keep hunting for better options simultaneously. The dynamic may or may not move into a serious relationship, but they are not trying to gather other options or back up plans in case it doesn’t.
11. European men don’t play games. Nor will they freak out when discussions of commitment or future come up. Americans (both men and women) have been socialized to play games, to act unavailable, to wait a particular amount of time before texting back… There are a set of ritualized rules that are abided by in American dating culture, and if you don’t play within them, you are labeled as desperate or needy or undesirable.
So does this mean the only hope for a happy, committed relationship is to move to another country? Not at all. As mentioned above, the observations summarized above are not really about where one is born, but rather a mentality that is influenced by societal and cultural values. We must be aware of our own behavior in the dating game, because we are active participants in how we are treated. We must take a look at who we are drawn to in the first place, and why. If you keep attracting (and are attracted to) men who are emotionally unavailable and who treat you poorly, then it really doesn’t matter if your dating prospects are from France, New York, Vancouver or Mars – the shift needs to occur within you first and foremost. In fact, you may be experiencing attractions of deprivation, where you try to recreate the issues from childhood in your romantic partners. To find out more, read this article on “Why Do Good Women Pick the Wrong Men.“
To learn more about how to change old relationship patterns, and how to create healthy ones, join my 2-hour Live Workshop on Sunday, April 25 where I’ll guide you step by step on how to become more secure in your attachment, manage emotions and our reactions to pain and create healthy relationships. Get your ticket here.
What Posting Inspirational Quotes Really Says About You
This article was completely biased, i’ve dated men from both cultures…and each are different. Many europeans just want to score. Sounds like you don’t pick the right guys and also have something against americans..
You obviously want the European man which u can’t find. I’ve done everything to make a woman happy but it’s the American woman that has such a horrible attitude and thinks they can date multiple men at the same time.
Just read the same stuff about dating American women. It’s become to where even Americans won’t daye them neither Europeans
Totally agree!
t also depends on the AGE of the man! I think most European men over 50 are very chauvinistic, with annoying accents, while American men over 50 are more humble and eager to please in general.
I’m an American male and am currently dating a Colombian in Colombia that was involved with a sour kraut…. She traveled to Germany to meet this chauvinist pig…. She was supposed to be in Germany for 3 months but she left after 7 days of him demanding her to get body modifications wanting to make her into is personal barbie doll. He was always telling her what to wear when going out. He was very annoying on facebook whenever she would post a new photo of us after we were engaged. ….. Another example of German edicate..Today while eating breakfast at the hotel we have been staying in for 12 days.. 2 german women showed up in the dining facility wearing long t-shirts and baseball cap backwards and flip flops..They were told they are not following the dress code as listed when entering the dining area… They were loud and rude.. They would not do anything to comply with the dining facility managers request… After we finished eating I asked the dining facility manager what there problem was? He told me most Europeans that come here think they can do what they please regardless of what the policies are when reserving a room, but after they eat they will be removed from the property and will be refunded a portion of their money. Honestly the individual that wrote this article is clueless and ignorant. Dating other nationalities or races has no comparison in regards to Dating American men.. There are good and bad equally on all sides. CHOW!!
Welp. I feel like utter garbage and ashamed as an American man. Guess I shouldn’t bother anymore seeing as all my morals and values be will go it the window and I’ll to fit this criteria because we all know there is no such thing as diversity and every person can and should be categorized by the same thing.— Article seems like it’s taking out some past pain on the generalization and kind of pisses me off, not going to lie.
If an American Man wrote an article about American Women compared to European Women that would be interesting. If it had the same tone, the male author would be under a lot of scrutiny. I found women from other cultures respect the men of their respective culture more. If a man generalizes or criticizes he is seen as rude. Whereas, a woman is being informative. Give me a break lady. Men like to have sex, women like to have sex, and we all have means to getting to our end ;). Even those European peckerwoods haha.
Yes , we all like sex. But what Americans do, they make a date with a women, because at the end he wants her bed. And European men meet or talk with a women, because they enjoy the company of the women…..Not because sex is the main focus….there is a difference baby!!!!. you have to understand. Human talk with human. men -women…… Some people give you more emotional support then others, always. what american men do, when they get a little bit deep conversation with women, they think, Yes, now we do sex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How strange , you Americans are!
Perhaps if European men weren’t so emasculated, instead of “talking” maybe they could get down to actually procreating,…than maybe Europe wouldn’t be the “dying” culture it has become.
FACT. Check it out… Birth rates in Europe are going down precipitously.
Keep it, up… there will be NO European men to speak of…. The globalists think this is just grand, seeing as how in 10 years, due to the EU’s scheme with “migration” and “Refugees,” a “European” man, is more likely to be named Mohammed, than Cedric, Harry or Oliver. I guess we will see then, how “sensitive” and “emotionally supportive” men from Europe are.
Oh, I know, I know that is so, so, blunt, politically incorrect, and completely insensitive. (Dam American deplorables….and all their straight talk!)
FYI: Give me a hard working, straight shooting American man any day of the week and twice on Sunday over some touchy, feely, metrosexual effeminate European hipster! At least we know American men understand culturally the importance of marriage. American men still want marriage, and children; something European men repel. “Families are the building blocks essential to the formation of a community, and strong social structure arises from the foundation families provide. As marriages and families crumble, so do communities and all society.” –Focus on the Family
Less marriage=less social structure= crumbling society! Hey, that sounds like Europe!
No matter the country it’s all the same goal.
So you’re saying Europeans aren’t thinking that lol? You are in denial…when a man likes a woman if it’s 1 date or 50 dates we are wanting the intimate part.
Have fun cause Europeans cheat because they don’t do “labels” for that reason.
American men don’t wine and dine 5 people at once…why do u think “no labels”? So technically the other 4 he’s dating won’t weigh on his conscience
As an American, I don’t disagree that relationships in general have become weird in the past 20 years. But, also as an America I didn’t grow up with the mindset of focus on myself, rather the opposite. My job growing up was to prepare for a wife and family. Was taught to respect women and treat them as the finest gift a man can receive. Maybe a large group of Americans “date around” but that’s not everyone. I never thought about how fast I can get a girl in bed, in fact I never thought about that part at all when on a date. I just hoped it went so well that she’d want to go on another date. Sex isn’t the goal because I’m American, there are pigs in every country. Also not all or even a large amount of American me see women as inferior, on the contrary, women are special. I do have Christian beliefs and that plays into treating a woman with the utmost respect and reverence. After all, a wife was the first gift God gave to man. I believe half if not more of America’s men would agree with me. My advice, stop dating pigs at bars and clubs.
You’re so right. American woman think they have to right to do to us what we could NEVER do them.
The red pill
What bothers me about American men, is their inability to view women as partners, they want to dominate and spew out orders, which has much to do with some engrained religious fanatical beliefs. Many of them are Christian fundamentalists or if not they still want to order you around.
European men and other cultures outside of the United States don’t talk down to women, whereas an American man will talk down to women especially if the subject is deemed as a ” male interest” such as fixing cars.
American men don’t like women to be ‘ too smart’ or it somehow triggers a deep insecurity.
There is an undercurrent off this behavior which can effect relationships.
I’ve dated Americans, Hispanics, and Europeans. As someone that is Hispanic but was born here and raised here, I can tell you that there is a difference. It’s not genetic as much as cultural upbringing. My best relationship has been with a German. It wasn’t about him leading, as much as him listening. And because of that, I did too. We had a mutual partnership wherein some things I made the decisions and in others he did. We lived a happy five-year relationship where we clearly did not have to define what we were to anyone. They knew. He was also a considerate lover. The Americans I have dated have been good lovers, but they don’t like to listen or if they do, they assume that I’m trying to gain their sympathy. Which I never actually wanted in the first place. I was just opening up about myself. As one should in a relationship over the course of a long time. I can sense that the moment they realize I’m smart and not easy to persuade to follow orders, they back off. It’s a matter of time before they give me an excuse. I’ve heard the whole “You are an Alpha to my Beta” one. It’s as if all is good if I am a Barbie that just laughs at everything they say. Hispanics shift depending on their actual background, but they are similar to Americans. They don’t quite care for your intelligence but they do believe that they are the King of the Household at all times. Currently, I’ve been dating a Swedish male, and I can say that thus far, he’s incredibly patient, very quiet, very good manners though, and very smart and what I like about our relationship thus far is that we can flirt but switch to talk about science and Higgs particle in a manner of minutes. We can be ourselves and I don’t have to fear looking too smart with him. I like that. It’s reminding me of my relationship with my German ex in that regard. I did not have to worry about what I said, how I said it and how the other side would take it, I could be my true nerdy, geek, self.
i am agree with you
You know I have not dated alot (hell rare it seems) as an American woman but have been in several relationships with American men, had children by a Caucasian-American and Black-American and agree with your observation, it is eerily uncanny to what I have experienced over my life as a 44 year old woman. Most of the males that I dated (mainly American) were as you described, religious or not. I have not been on any dates or in any relationships in 14 years because of this but I have always wanted to give European males or non American males a chance at having a loving relationship, courting, or dating. I need a fresh start and being open-minded want to step out of the box have love for once in my life.
I dated a French guy who slept with me asap. Was hideously romantic, chased and chased, swept me off my feet, told me he loved me … and then ran for the hills when I made a comment suggesting he was my boyfriend after a few months. He then started to play games and get all ‘come here, no go away, no come here’ with me. Ended up breaking my heart and my sanity.
This article is a little sweeping in its generalisations.
It was eye opening and nice to date a European. And so totally would do it again, largely because they do seem to know how to date and be romantic more so than British men. Plus they’re also more worldly and aware of other cultures and not fussy with food (!) But every country has its assholes.
I have dated many American men and European men and I never had any issues with American men treating me poorly and not understanding me, and in fact I have had this problem more with European men who want to score with me on the first or second get-together. I have had American men even willing to wait months for me to make the first move with constant dating and talking to them. To be frank, I would say American men are the better deal than European men as American men see a sense and value in marriage and commitment but this is not the case for European men who often will not even offer to pay. European men are often into polygamy and relationship secrecy. European also includes UK. All these European men expect you to pay your own way and this includes after you have babies and are raising them together. I have met American men working 2 jobs to help their woman run her own business. This is my experience and there are some good men everywhere but they are getting harder to find. Also Europe is much more patriarchal as the Catholic church is very dominant there and also oppressive of women. People do not generally marry in Europe and have many others around to hook-up with and they often keep collecting their exes as close friends too.
I could not agree more. Many American girls study abroad or date European men, but most of us return to American men when we want to settle down and get married. American men might hook up and date around early on in the relationship or when they are young, but for the most part, they are honest and take loyalty seriously once they commit due to public scrutiny in the US Protestant/Puritan culture. Most people cannot just cheat and expect to keep all their married friends and not be looked down upon. The US culture is very intense and black and white, doesn’t allow as much ambiguity such as being friends with your ex or talking to another girl or guy.
This article is very bogus in many ways. The first thing is that European men differ a great deal not only depending on what country you go to but even what region of a country you go to. In France men play games all the time. In Scandinavia women are expected to pay their own way (because this is true equality). In Italy men tend to pay for women but look for other women on the side.
Italy is Catholic. In Scandinavia people are mainly atheist.
To give an idea, a statement like “European men” is even more bogus than saying “American men” meaning men both from North Central and South America.
What I don’t understand is why you say American men when it is only the UNITED STATES MEN you are talking about right?
When you say AMERICAN MEN then you are talking about men from Canada all the way to Chile. For what I know United States men have to be the most insecure, stupid man I’ve ever seen or talked to, they fall pretty easy to any woman that makes them believe they like them or love them when in reality all they want is THEIR MONEY!! I also would say that US men go after any VAGINA they can get but EUROPEAN MEN don’t stay too far behind and especially the ones from Italy and Spain….Bottom line is that no matter where they are from…MEN, in general, are PIGS!!! Wait, wait a minute, that is insulting the poor pigs, ok, ok then they are nothing but PURE GARBAGE! Am I lesbian?, no I am not. Have a slept around? No, I haven’t but I have traveled and I know about cultures and that is why I am basing my answer. 🙂
Pat, American is the USA. Don’t get pissy and call us United States Men. WE ARE AMERICAN. Say anything else and you INVALIDATE EVERYTHING YOU SAY! Period.
From Chile? You’re FROM CHILE NOT THE USA! We don’t call people by their continent. Don’t like that fact? Cry a river somewhere else. I’m an American and American is EXCLUSIVE to the USA!
Should be the way she said it. Can’t you US people make a demonym for yourselves?
Actually as a European I can tell you American men are pigs but American (Usa) women are assholes.
you complain that the article generalizes about American men and it wrong, but then you generalize all USA men as being the same and WE ARE NOT! You commit the same bad against all Americans (from the USA) as you say the article does for all men who live on the “American’s”. Example: I have one singles account and I have turned down far more of the ladies who have contacted me that I have even talked to so the claim “For what I know…….. they fall pretty easy to any woman….and from my own time dating ladies of the world more than 1/2 have talked sweetly till they ask for money……(majority of them being from EU and Russia) …..and as I reject more than I talk to it is clear that as a USA man I do NOT …..US men go after any VAGINA……SO> YOU are wrong and generalizing about men due to things you have seen and experience that comes to form what? Dating less than 1/10th of 1% of the males from the Americas, Italy or Spain(?) so sadly the issue is made worse as you blame millions for the crimes of a few.
There are 13 countries with “Unitied States” in the name including the Unitied States of Mexico.
So are you referring to America the country? Or one of the 13 countries with Unitied States in there name?
I see a lot of people calling American’s out for this, but there lack of caring or education of knowing that other countries to possess that name as well just makes the person trying to make American’s look bad like a pompous uneducated douche.
Hiya I’m Donna I’m looking for a man lovely and careing
This article left out another HUGE difference. Most American guys are circumcised, whereas most European guys are not. This leads to a much different outcome in the bedroom.
THIS! People either are not aware of the circumcision issue or don’t understand it. American men have some DEEP-ROOTED issues due to circumcision. Male circumcision abnormalizes the sex act. It creates a situation where a man’s erection is painful and so he wants to rush a woman into bed to make that feeling go away but he can’t give her pleasure if he’s pounding into her the way circumcision creates. Yes there are good apples and bad apples in every crate, but European men are notoriously better lovers because their penis is intact and functions sexually in the way nature intended. This also creates a much different emotional relationship between the sexes. I will never sleep with another circumcised male. But most American men are. So that means… no American men for me. Sorry.
The same can be said for dating European women.
My family is French and I was raised in Europe. GENERALLY speaking, dating most (not all) American women has turned into a tedious, infantile, and scattered ordeal. Way too many stupid games.
Give me a European, Russian, Asian, or South American woman any day. The conversation and company is more than often way more stimulating, and they’re not as into all the “image” nonsense. Are they perfect? Of course not…just as us guys aren’t perfect. But from my experience, “foreign” women tend to be what-you-see-is-what-you-get.
I have found I can easily meet a woman at a cafe or brasserie without her immediately sizing me up on looks, popularity, social ranking, and income. “Foreign” women tend to be themselves, more transparent, and “real” than their American counterparts. In other words, they’re usually much more interested in the internal than the external.
All of this is a generalization. However, I’m certain many will find what I said as offensive and off-base. But…that’s just my experience.