Through interviewing various people on relationships and observing people interact, coupled with my own experience of the dating dance, I’ve realized that there are some basic tendencies that cause a man to go running for the hills.
1. You act like a high-maintenance diva.
If you refer to yourself as a diva or a princess, remove those words from your vocabulary immediately. Feeling entitled, acting spoiled, and being impossible to please are not traits of a grown woman, they are signs of immaturity of a young girl. Act with grace, manners, and hold yourself on your own. A man’s job in a romantic dynamic is not to be your butler, bank account or your father.
2. You bring up the “What are we?” talk two weeks in.
Women like safety, control and knowing where they stand. Totally understandable. The problem is, while it may feel innate to secure a commitment the minute you have feelings for someone, having a contrived talk to determine the status of a budding romance just weeks in, is too much, too fast.
Avoid the tendency of trying to label things right away, and let things flow. Organically, the relationship will reach a point where both people feel the commitment level first, and then the “talk” can commence after that. But to have the “talk” before the feelings are there just to try and control the outcome puts unnecessary pressure on the situation.
3.You don’t have your own life going on = needy.
We’ve all done this before. We like a guy and suddenly our world revolves around him. Even if we play games of acting hard to get, putting a man as the center of your universe emits an energy of neediness and desperation- one that cannot be hidden, regardless of how you strategically wait to text back.
It’s attractive when a woman has her own full life – a career/passion, friends, hobbies, community… If a man fits into that life and complements it, great. But the man cannot ever be the center of your happiness, entertainment and community.
4. You put more energy into being pretty than being interesting.
While being pretty can surely get attention, unless you want a guy who just wants a trophy girlfriend, being pretty is not enough. Society and the media constantly reinforce the message that physical beauty makes up a large part of a woman’s worth. This causes many to focus on the packaging and not the content. Pretty fades. Real, authentic beauty radiates from the inside – it’s a mixture of confidence, self-respect, values, intelligence, heart and spirit. Relying on being pretty as your primary asset results in faux confidence. It’s not real and dissipates once the make up is off and the show is over.
5. You cannot carry a quality conversation.
You cannot build rapport by having a one-sided monologue or talking about clothes and gossip. Ask questions, and really listen to the answers. Connection requires lowering your defenses and showing vulnerability – it requires sharing. So give a little, and ask a lot. Try to take the conversation beyond the superficial small talk.
Click here to read my blog on “7 Reasons Why You’re Repelling Women”
Photo credit: Margot Trudell
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I love the cartoon: it says it all. 😉 And as always, your writing is awesome!
Funny that there are 5 reasons why women repell men but 7 reasons why men repell women! Haha!
Interesting post! Can’t agree more with that
I understand how those qualities could repel women, but I know so many girls like that who end up meeting and marrying wealthy men. Grant it that I would not be attracted to those types of men who are ok with such superficial women, but I do wonder who exactly these men are and how they could share a life with women like this.
Phew thankfully I am none of these. I am attracting men but taken men lately. I stay the heck away from them once they start hinting. Anyone has advice for me on attracting good quality man?
#5… it absolutely slays a date! This is so important! Ladies, please don’t hang your date out to dry on this one.
I consider myself more than able to carry a conversation, but it definitely takes two to keep a good conversation flowing. Good conversations can lead to people really discovering that they like each other. A guy can’t endlessly sustain awkwardness-free conversation, it’s sort of like a baton that gets passed back and forth… if the girl doesn’t realize this, then the “baton” of conversation gets dropped and awkward moments ensue. I think this is why I have found myself sometimes wanting dates to quickly move from a “coffee shop” phase to a “walking / traveling somewhere” phase because then there’s something of an excuse for quiet if the conversation is sporadic. If the conversation is good, well, you never leave the coffee shop, because you’re too busy talking.
Some guys are maybe more talkative, so (assuming they aren’t talking over you or something), all you have to do is put in a few comments or reactions here and there to keep things going. Other guys aren’t social butterflies and need the other person to not only stay engaged but actually put out their own thoughts and ideas, etc.
its so realistic,and so true, but I also know all of it comes from men as we always wanted thier appearance not inside for hooking
I insanely agree with #4 and #5.
Nothing in a woman annoys me more than when she puts more worth on her body than on her mind, not to mention that it leads to pretty darn boring conversations in both the long and the short run.
I suppose. But these qualities will repel all kinds of people, whether they are romantic interests or not. Or other people may not mind them. I don’t think I have to point out all the counterfactuals to prove it….
I think what the post is really talking about is “5 reasons why you’re repelling a certain kind of person who prefers x, y, z.”
If you’re single, *there is nothing wrong with you.* You are not too boring, or too picky, or too fat, or too whatever. It’s just bad luck. Think of all the unappealing (to you) people who are happily married.
Oh man! Yes! Finally we’ll all be able to keep them away!