Recently, I wrote a post on “The 11 Difference Between Dating a Boy vs a Man“. The post can have the genders swapped and most points would still apply. However, we can’t deny that there are some fundamental differences between men and women – from how we are socialized to the chemical and hormonal differences that naturally occur. Thus, I thought it appropriate to follow up with a post on the difference between dating a girl, vs a woman. Again, many points on this post would apply if you switched the genders around.
A boy is attracted to girls. A man is attracted to women. Now, this has nothing to do with the actual age of a person. I’m referring to maturity, life vision and stage of life. In fact, some people regardless of their age, will never really grow up. Also, this isn’t to say that a woman won’t ever have “girlish” or immature tendencies or vice versa. This post refers to one’s maturity and most points would also apply if you switch the genders as well.
If you are a boy, then expect that you will attract only girls. However, if you are a man (independent, knows your worth and value, has a strong moral compass, is considerate and an able communicator and doesn’t let insecurity dominate your psyche), then you should be dating a woman. And if you can’t spot the difference just yet, here are some pointers on the differences between dating a boy vs a man.
1. A girl throws tantrums. When displeased, upset or angry, she reacts just as she did as a child when she didn’t get her way with her parents. This often consists of screaming, pouting, giving the silent treatment, being passive aggressive and/or punishing. A woman still feels the emotions of being upset/displeased, but has cultivated the skill of responding versus reacting. She comes to the table as an adult, and communicates clearly what is bothering her.
2. A girl perceives herself as a princess and believes people should treat her like so. She is entitled and feels that she is owed and therefore expects more than she appreciates. A woman, has standards (what she holds herself to) not expectations (what she projects on to others).
3. A girl uses her physical beauty as her currency and basis of value. A girl may be so used to feeling validated through her looks and sexuality, that she uses this as her primary tool to get what she wants in life. A woman, knows her worth is beyond her physicality. A woman bases her value on her intelligence, her strength, her integrity, her values, her contributions, her humanity.
4. A girl banks on a man to be her financial strategy. A woman plans to be financially independent – she banks on… herself. And if she so happens to enter a relationship dynamic where it makes sense for her partner to be the primary breadwinner, it’s considered a bonus, not the expected life line.
5. A girl sees the world from a place of lack and scarcity. She competes and will even tear down another in order to secure resources or a mate. A woman helps other women. She knows that there’s plenty enough to go around and takes the high road of integrity to get what she wants.
6. A girl cannot be bothered with anything domestic and is proud of the fact that she cannot cook or clean. A woman understands that being domestic is not a duty, but understands that it is one way of taking care of herself and others. She also understands that in the event she wants to create a family, having a person in the household who can contribute domestically is important.
7. “A girl wants attention, a woman wants respect. A girl wants to be adored by many. A woman wants to be adored by one.” -anonymous
8. A girl does not respect her body. She has not yet understood that her body and heart are sacred, and that it’s important to be mindful of how she treats it and who she shares it with. “A girl cherishes handbags, diamonds and her shoe collection as her prize possessions. A woman cherishes her health, her sense of self, and her talents as her greatest assets.” – N. Mah
9. A woman takes the time to reflect on the type of human she wants to be, the example she wants to leave and the vision for her life. She has put thought into her values and what she stands for. A girl has not established her moral compass or values and consequently, is often inconsistent. “After spending time with a girl, you feel exhausted because she takes more than she gives. After spending time with a woman, you feel invigorated, because she empowers you with possibility, and a passion for life.” – N. Mah
10. A girl has a checklist that prioritizes superficial qualities above anything else. Here is an example of how this checklist may look: Hot, popular, wears skinny jeans, over 6 feet tall, rich.. This is the checklist of what a woman may look for: High integrity, intelligent, kind, good communicator, emotionally available…
Now, a lot of these differences require taking the time to know someone to figure out if the apple of your eye is indeed a mature woman, or someone with an immature mindset. However, one of the quickest filters that you can notice from the beginning is this:
11. A girl plays games. A woman doesn’t.
[infobox bg=”redlight” color=”black” opacity=”on” subtitle=”Nadia Mah”]A girl jumps from one social circle to another, making fast friends that don’t last. A woman values her deep friendships and nurtures that bond with time, gratitude, energy and thoughtfulness.[/infobox]
Photo credit: Daniele Martinie
To learn more about how to change old relationship patterns, and how to create healthy ones, join my 2-hour Live Workshop on Sunday, April 25 where I’ll guide you step by step on how to become more secure in your attachment, manage emotions and our reactions to pain and create healthy relationships. Get your ticket here.
20 Things I Would Tell My 20-Year-Old Self
I was introduced to this article and fell in love… and then started reading some of your other articles and am even more in love! You are an inspiration – and I admire the way you illustrate how you feel through your words… and it doesn’t hurt that your blog is very aesthetically pleasing! 🙂
I think this list was created by women who don’t have much to offer BUT their intelligence. I think it’s not an either OR situation. I think from watching so many women who think this way, and observing their relationships, at the end of the day I see them ending up with men who are not wonderful partners, not in the bedroom, not as equal partners, in the sexuality/attractiveness factor, or in the sense of equality. I think it’s perfectly fine for a woman to want a man who is attractive AND sensitive. I think it’s ok, if a man has behaved badly or like a drama queen, to have a woman tell him why he has upset her, even if she is angry as hell and not be labeled the “crazy girl.” I have seen WAY too many men who thrive off these sort of blogs, it benefits women who are not the classic definition of beauty, or class/intelligence. A label is created that a woman is either a little girl, or a “woman” because she is domestic and reads literature, and I think that stereotype pleases women who offer little else to a man besides a nice meal and a good conversation but little in beauty or sexuality. Lets be real. The more you offer someone in general, the better your relationship will be, if I treat another person with respect, then you are likely to get it back. Let’s not play that stupid card, where insecure women need to be labeled goddesses and “real women” just to have a semblance of self esteem. Instead women in general stop congratulating a man for doing nothing for you, like making you a simple meal, and start asking him to treat you with respect because he’s INTO YOU! Start respecting yourself, and asking for more, and if enough of us think this way, and stop just taking men home quickly and settling for whatever we can get, then the rest of us will do so much better. We should be just as physically satisfied as a man, it shouldn’t all be based on us feeding them, and being domestic, while we discuss politics, it should be equal–where the man pleases us just as much as we please them. How many woman have I met, who aren’t pleased in the bedroom and DOESN’T tell the guy he’s not big enough, or doesn’t make her happy? Why is that a bad thing? A man should know what he’s doing and how will he know if we don’t tell them! A man will satisfy his woman. A real man, won’t drive a woman crazy, or make a woman feel like she needs a fight, if a woman feels this way, she isn’t a girl, she’s a woman who’s dating a little boy. And I’m so tired of women who coddle men to give them these ridicilous excuses to put women down. My god the girl who even posted this for me to see, is an insecure “woman” who has a child from a guy she’s not even with, who has had about 4 relationships just this year alone, considers herself a “sexual healer” and I don’t see ever having anyone that treats her with the least amount of respect at all. She is stylish but NOT attractive, and has kids, and just seems to have a stick up her but. So it sort of entertains me, that she would post something like this, because apparently she sees herself as a “woman” because she is willing to cook for a man to make up for her lack of personal attractiveness. Of course we typically aren’t allowed to say this in society because it’s looked down upon, but unattractive women who have no self esteem are perfectly able to call nice women who do fit the definition of beauty “girls.” It’s all stupid, because women should support each other, and expect the best for themselves. People should be kind to each other, and just like who they like, and be happy with someone that makes them smile. Attractive women want an attractive man, because that is what appeals to them…and they can attract them, and not cook, or cook, it’s about the connection between two people, and not such stupid definitions. If a woman is that insecure, go have surgery, and shut up. Don’t waste everyone’s time online calling some women adults, and some not, because obviously whoever wrote this, represents a large group of bitter, hateful women, and weak men, who create a distasteful manifestation that a woman cannot be deep, meaningful, AND attractive, AND want someone who is the same, because that is what is appealing for her. Life isn’t always fair, but you don’t have to change the playing field just because you want what you can’t have, just grow up and deal with it. Stop giving men a reason to put women down, and grow in yourself instead. `
First of all, you are incorrect. This post is written by me, and I am both intelligent and physically attractive. You rant on in a tangent and I wonder if you really took the time to read the article or if you just decided to project your own stuff.
Most of what you’re holding up as important in a relationship is stuff that crumbles when you start aging. Looks are nice, and of course attraction is necessary in a relationship, but by saying stuff like” Attractive women want an attractive man, because that is what appeals to them” and “If a woman is that insecure, go have surgery, and shut up” you’ve essentially boiled a relationship down the physical–and told women who aren’t physically attractive that they deserve a second-rate partner. With a line of thinking like this, if a man cheated, it would be the woman’s fault for not being attractive enough to him. Plus: “Life isn’t always fair, but you don’t have to change the playing field just because you want what you can’t have, just grow up and deal with it.” Really? This is precisely what was done in any civil rights movement in history: people didn’t think something was fair, so they worked to level the playing field. Should they have just accepted the status quo and “grown up and dealt with it”? You are, of course, entitled to your opinion, but I would think the sorts of relationships you’re describing here would be awfully unfulfilling in any way beyond a short-lived sexually-charged relationship–once the fire burns down low (and I know of no marriage where the couple retains that spark all the time) you have nothing left.
Fantastic article! Very well said and something we can all reflect on.
“11. A girl plays games. A woman doesn’t.”
so a woman does not play Monopoly
interesting
Mind games. Not board games.
-written by an ugly girl. lol this article is laughable…everyone women/girl/female uses her looks to get what she wants and if she thinks otherwise she is mistaken or extremely ugly and therefore CAN’T use her looks 😛
have a nice day
Hello Jamie,
You are incorrect. I am not an ugly girl. Nor is this article saying that looks don’t matter. It’s saying that a girl bases her worth and value purely on her physical attributes.
Before you write such unnecessary jabs, you ought to actually read what the article is trying to say.
Signed,
A smart and beautiful woman,
Amy
Jamie, you should have signed it: sincerely, superficial pretentious “girl”
Way to prove the authors point by being an idiot.
Good article Amy!
Well that’s just uncalled for. Don’t be a douche.
Yes, there unfortunately are a lot of ‘girls’ that use their looks to their advantage, but that’s what makes them girls-regardless of age. Being a women (perhaps we should use the word Lady?) is about having class and holding yourself accountable. When you decide to stop being shallow, you will understand this as well.
I lol’ed when I saw Jamie’s comment.
How much more superficial can you get? Making assumptions and taking a personal attack at the author was uncalled for. Totally unprofessional. What a low move–from a person with questionable morale. Better save some face and take this derogatory comment off to avoid more comments from the rest of the world.
I don’t understand why the virtues of women listed here are applicable only to women, or why the virtues of men listed in the accompanying article are applicable only to men. It seems all people could benefit from having these qualities.
so glad i found myself a woman 🙂
6. A girl cannot be bothered with anything domestic and is proud of the fact that she cannot cook or clean. A woman understands that being domestic is not a duty, but understands that it is one way of taking care of herself and others. She also understands that in the event she wants to create a family, having a person in the household who can contribute domestically is important.
Really? You’re placing the responsibility of cooking and domestic work on the woman? Why can’t men and women share the burden?
8. A girl does not respect her body. She has not yet understood that her body and heart are sacred, and that it’s important to be mindful of how she treats it and who she shares it with. “A girl cherishes handbags, diamonds and her shoe collection as her prize possessions. A woman cherishes her health, her sense of self, and her talents as her greatest assets.” – N. Mah
Have you ever heard of the phrase “my body, my choice”? How is it your business what women do with their body?
Seriously this list is bull. And I’m saying this as a man.
Hello Jon,
I am not saying that domestic work is the duty of the woman. I spell that out. Having domestic skills (being able to cook / clean) are survival skills that BOTH men and women should know. One should know how to take care of themselves. Also, I clearly write “having a person in the household who can contribute domestically is important” – meaning, if you decide to have a family, one person at least needs to take on responsibility of the domestic stuff. Perhaps this is a 50/50 split, or one person takes it all, or its 30/70 – whatever works for the partner. In no way am I saying it’s 100% the woman’s duty.
And of course its “my body, my choice”. You can choose to eat junk food and treat your body like a garbage can, you can choose to have unsafe sex with strangers, you can choose to do anything you want. Is that the best for your health and the people who love you that will suffer if your health (emotional/physical) is harmed?
– Amy
I read the one for boys/men and it did not mention domestic chores. Why is that? Why is this on the women’s list and not the men’s? I agree that being able to cook, clean etc. is important but I don’t understand why this is one of the things that separate a girl from a woman.
And the point is that women should be able to do whatever they want with their own bodies. If they want to eat junk and have unsafe sex with strangers, that doesn’t make them less of a woman.
BTW sorry for being rude.
I think what Jon is saying has some truth. Some women just aren’t good at cooking, no matter how well they’re able to support themselves. Some women may be mature and incredibly successful and lead great lives, but are not necessarily domestic goddesses.
And women who don’t take care of their bodies are just that… women who don’t take care of their bodies. Maybe they have self-esteem issues or aren’t health conscious (prime example: probably more than half of North America’s women). It doesn’t make them less of a woman, it makes them women with different issues. (Although I do agree that everyone should learn to love themselves and treat their body right, I wouldn’t say they’re any less of a woman/man if they don’t)
To be fair, the author does point out that by “woman”, she isn’t referring to the actual definition of a biological “woman”, but somebody who is not childish (a “girl”). I agree with many of the things on the list, but maybe the title, “…dating a girl vs a smart, mature, wise, ideal woman” would be more appropriate.
Your title is better, but it still has the implication that if a woman does/doesn’t do certain things, she’s a girl and childish and not a respectable woman. I don’t have a proposed solution; I just think that these subtle stereotypes in articles can be really damaging. Thanks for your input though because you said it in a much more eloquent (and polite) way than I did.
from what I got from Amy’s article, when we’re talking about ‘men’ and ‘women’ here, we’re talking about people who are ready to settle down and commit. therefore, as a ‘man’, you would want to date someone who respected their body- not wanting to have a bunch of casual sex, someone who’s taking care of themselves. Yes, it is up to you what you do with your body, but when you are ready to make a life with someone else, you become a partnership and it isn’t just about YOU anymore.
Your points are valid, I just think we’re reading a little too into the article and not in the direction it’s meant to go in? (maybe?)
As for the domestic points you brought up, It seems the author didn’t mean for it to sound like that. It’s good to point out these things though, it only helps writers in the long run, so they can become stronger with their writing.
The point isn’t who does the cooking or what you put in your body…The point the author is making is that “girls” who show pride in the fact that they are ignorant to certain things are illustrating the immature qualities that make them girls as opposed to women. The entire list, for that matter, is highlighting this fact so to take these things literally for what they are missing and to focus on the minutia is to miss out on the entire purpose of the piece. Women are mature, while girls are not.
THANK YOU.
A girl waits for a man to decide things for her or to pick her up. A woman finds a way to get his interest and goes for things that are right in front of her.
I’ve been a boy for quite some time. How do I become a woman?
I feel bad after reading this article. It makes me feel like a girl, not a woman! Going to have to go through some major changes now! All the points here are very well put.