Recently, I wrote a post on “The 11 Difference Between Dating a Boy vs a Man“. The post can have the genders swapped and most points would still apply. However, we can’t deny that there are some fundamental differences between men and women – from how we are socialized to the chemical and hormonal differences that naturally occur. Thus, I thought it appropriate to follow up with a post on the difference between dating a girl, vs a woman. Again, many points on this post would apply if you switched the genders around.
A boy is attracted to girls. A man is attracted to women. Now, this has nothing to do with the actual age of a person. I’m referring to maturity, life vision and stage of life. In fact, some people regardless of their age, will never really grow up. Also, this isn’t to say that a woman won’t ever have “girlish” or immature tendencies or vice versa. This post refers to one’s maturity and most points would also apply if you switch the genders as well.
If you are a boy, then expect that you will attract only girls. However, if you are a man (independent, knows your worth and value, has a strong moral compass, is considerate and an able communicator and doesn’t let insecurity dominate your psyche), then you should be dating a woman. And if you can’t spot the difference just yet, here are some pointers on the differences between dating a boy vs a man.
1. A girl throws tantrums. When displeased, upset or angry, she reacts just as she did as a child when she didn’t get her way with her parents. This often consists of screaming, pouting, giving the silent treatment, being passive aggressive and/or punishing. A woman still feels the emotions of being upset/displeased, but has cultivated the skill of responding versus reacting. She comes to the table as an adult, and communicates clearly what is bothering her.
2. A girl perceives herself as a princess and believes people should treat her like so. She is entitled and feels that she is owed and therefore expects more than she appreciates. A woman, has standards (what she holds herself to) not expectations (what she projects on to others).
3. A girl uses her physical beauty as her currency and basis of value. A girl may be so used to feeling validated through her looks and sexuality, that she uses this as her primary tool to get what she wants in life. A woman, knows her worth is beyond her physicality. A woman bases her value on her intelligence, her strength, her integrity, her values, her contributions, her humanity.
4. A girl banks on a man to be her financial strategy. A woman plans to be financially independent – she banks on… herself. And if she so happens to enter a relationship dynamic where it makes sense for her partner to be the primary breadwinner, it’s considered a bonus, not the expected life line.
5. A girl sees the world from a place of lack and scarcity. She competes and will even tear down another in order to secure resources or a mate. A woman helps other women. She knows that there’s plenty enough to go around and takes the high road of integrity to get what she wants.
6. A girl cannot be bothered with anything domestic and is proud of the fact that she cannot cook or clean. A woman understands that being domestic is not a duty, but understands that it is one way of taking care of herself and others. She also understands that in the event she wants to create a family, having a person in the household who can contribute domestically is important.
7. “A girl wants attention, a woman wants respect. A girl wants to be adored by many. A woman wants to be adored by one.” -anonymous
8. A girl does not respect her body. She has not yet understood that her body and heart are sacred, and that it’s important to be mindful of how she treats it and who she shares it with. “A girl cherishes handbags, diamonds and her shoe collection as her prize possessions. A woman cherishes her health, her sense of self, and her talents as her greatest assets.” – N. Mah
9. A woman takes the time to reflect on the type of human she wants to be, the example she wants to leave and the vision for her life. She has put thought into her values and what she stands for. A girl has not established her moral compass or values and consequently, is often inconsistent. “After spending time with a girl, you feel exhausted because she takes more than she gives. After spending time with a woman, you feel invigorated, because she empowers you with possibility, and a passion for life.” – N. Mah
10. A girl has a checklist that prioritizes superficial qualities above anything else. Here is an example of how this checklist may look: Hot, popular, wears skinny jeans, over 6 feet tall, rich.. This is the checklist of what a woman may look for: High integrity, intelligent, kind, good communicator, emotionally available…
Now, a lot of these differences require taking the time to know someone to figure out if the apple of your eye is indeed a mature woman, or someone with an immature mindset. However, one of the quickest filters that you can notice from the beginning is this:
11. A girl plays games. A woman doesn’t.
[infobox bg=”redlight” color=”black” opacity=”on” subtitle=”Nadia Mah”]A girl jumps from one social circle to another, making fast friends that don’t last. A woman values her deep friendships and nurtures that bond with time, gratitude, energy and thoughtfulness.[/infobox]
Photo credit: Daniele Martinie
To learn more about how to change old relationship patterns, and how to create healthy ones, join my 2-hour Live Workshop on Sunday, April 25 where I’ll guide you step by step on how to become more secure in your attachment, manage emotions and our reactions to pain and create healthy relationships. Get your ticket here.
20 Things I Would Tell My 20-Year-Old Self
You lost me when you talked about my body being sacred and to be mindful of who I share my body with. My body, my decision. Not your place to call me a girl because of it. Promiscuity is not always a result of low self worth or immaturity. Where is your feminism?
Where did you read that I’m saying that promiscuity is a sin? Your body is sacred in the sense that what you feed it, how you treat it, if you are reckless with your health, etc is extremely important. I have not said that there is a correct number of people to sleep with. Have sex with 5, 10, 100 – it really doesn’t matter. What matters is that you are safe, you are selective with who you share it with (in the sense that if you have sex with a man wanting a relationship and he is disrespectful to you or ignores you after, chances are your heart is going to pay a price). I don’t think I’m being anti-feminist because I’m saying to be mindful of who you share it with.
May I dare to ask what sex authored this article and it’s man vs boy counterpart? While they both seem to make some good points, they both are really out-dated and in all honestly seemed to be written by their opposite sex. I’m just really curious because articles like this seem to be very popular right now whether they are geared to shine some light on “gender roles” of our Western culture, actually bring some clarity to the expectations of both men and women, or are just a fad.
I love how most of the disagrees are from females. Unless you’re a lesbian what’s it even matter how you feel about what we think of as a ‘girl’ or a ‘woman’? Because I can guarantee we don’t really care if you think we’re wrong. Just wish they all weren’t so spoiled, it’s really the parents’ faults; none of them make their kids do anything nowadays which makes a lot of ‘girls/boys’ instead of ‘women/men’.
Alex, it seems like you are awfully defensive about the promiscuity issue. I agree with Amy that you should value your body and who you share it with. If you want others to respect you and to feel special when you share yourself with them, it’s pretty reasonable to assume that it’s probably not a wise idea to have shared the same “special” experience with twenty other people in the room. It’s not about the sex or the morality of it. And it has nothing to do with feminism whatsoever. It’s about woman respecting herself enough to realize that not every man in the vicinity is worthy of her time, attention, OR body. And putting yourself out there for the taking, with little to no regard for the emotional or physical consequences of multiple sexual relationships is absolutely NOT caring for your body OR mind… And it certainly does nothing to foster respect for oneself, nor to garner the same from others.
Well said.
#6, it is just plain depressing. In order to be a woman, I need to become comfortable in my role as the “domestic” one of the house hold? Can you not regress women back to the 50s please? I’m fully aware you didn’t state, The woman is the person in the household who can contribute domestically” but you damn well implied it, and it’s gross.
Having drinks is not the same as getting crunk every weekend.
Taking care of a home, cooking, and cleaning is a way of taking care of people. I understand–and do–that, and I’m a man. In fact, there’s another list for boys versus men, and this should be on the list. A person who can’t cook and clean–man or woman–is, in my opinion, not a fully developed person. Cooking is one of the things that makes us human, regardless of our gender, a basic life skill like tying your shoes, writing by hand, and using language. I guess a couple of words for people who aren’t fully matured human beings are . . . boy and girl. Plus, a woman who can’t cook (with her man) is expensive, and a $20 restaurant meal just isn’t as good as the same meal by two people who care about and love each other enough to be mindful of how they are feeding each other, who want each other to live longer, healthier, and happier lives. Maybe you are used to being taken out for dinner?
I agree with most of your points although i do believe some females sit somewhere in the middle in some cases or are inconsistent which is normal i guess. No one is perfect.
As a Man 1 and 9 are very important to me in what I seek in a women 9 in particular is a key to a lot of successful relationships from a mans point of view.
Reading this it seems to me as if about 95% of North American women are, in fact, girls.
Bottom line, if you are promiscuous, you are not respecting yourself and see your worth through sexuality and meaningless sex. If you are sleeping around, you clearly have no morals. Check yourself before you wreck yourself.
A girl might be blindly promiscuous, but a woman owns her sexuality. By “owning it” I mean she knows how to get what she wants and needs without hurting herself or others involved. I personally believe that is morally superior to, say, damning strangers with puritanical generalizations.