Recently, I wrote a post on “The 11 Difference Between Dating a Boy vs a Man“. The post can have the genders swapped and most points would still apply. However, we can’t deny that there are some fundamental differences between men and women – from how we are socialized to the chemical and hormonal differences that naturally occur. Thus, I thought it appropriate to follow up with a post on the difference between dating a girl, vs a woman. Again, many points on this post would apply if you switched the genders around.
A boy is attracted to girls. A man is attracted to women. Now, this has nothing to do with the actual age of a person. I’m referring to maturity, life vision and stage of life. In fact, some people regardless of their age, will never really grow up. Also, this isn’t to say that a woman won’t ever have “girlish” or immature tendencies or vice versa. This post refers to one’s maturity and most points would also apply if you switch the genders as well.
If you are a boy, then expect that you will attract only girls. However, if you are a man (independent, knows your worth and value, has a strong moral compass, is considerate and an able communicator and doesn’t let insecurity dominate your psyche), then you should be dating a woman. And if you can’t spot the difference just yet, here are some pointers on the differences between dating a boy vs a man.
1. A girl throws tantrums. When displeased, upset or angry, she reacts just as she did as a child when she didn’t get her way with her parents. This often consists of screaming, pouting, giving the silent treatment, being passive aggressive and/or punishing. A woman still feels the emotions of being upset/displeased, but has cultivated the skill of responding versus reacting. She comes to the table as an adult, and communicates clearly what is bothering her.
2. A girl perceives herself as a princess and believes people should treat her like so. She is entitled and feels that she is owed and therefore expects more than she appreciates. A woman, has standards (what she holds herself to) not expectations (what she projects on to others).
3. A girl uses her physical beauty as her currency and basis of value. A girl may be so used to feeling validated through her looks and sexuality, that she uses this as her primary tool to get what she wants in life. A woman, knows her worth is beyond her physicality. A woman bases her value on her intelligence, her strength, her integrity, her values, her contributions, her humanity.
4. A girl banks on a man to be her financial strategy. A woman plans to be financially independent – she banks on… herself. And if she so happens to enter a relationship dynamic where it makes sense for her partner to be the primary breadwinner, it’s considered a bonus, not the expected life line.
5. A girl sees the world from a place of lack and scarcity. She competes and will even tear down another in order to secure resources or a mate. A woman helps other women. She knows that there’s plenty enough to go around and takes the high road of integrity to get what she wants.
6. A girl cannot be bothered with anything domestic and is proud of the fact that she cannot cook or clean. A woman understands that being domestic is not a duty, but understands that it is one way of taking care of herself and others. She also understands that in the event she wants to create a family, having a person in the household who can contribute domestically is important.
7. “A girl wants attention, a woman wants respect. A girl wants to be adored by many. A woman wants to be adored by one.” -anonymous
8. A girl does not respect her body. She has not yet understood that her body and heart are sacred, and that it’s important to be mindful of how she treats it and who she shares it with. “A girl cherishes handbags, diamonds and her shoe collection as her prize possessions. A woman cherishes her health, her sense of self, and her talents as her greatest assets.” – N. Mah
9. A woman takes the time to reflect on the type of human she wants to be, the example she wants to leave and the vision for her life. She has put thought into her values and what she stands for. A girl has not established her moral compass or values and consequently, is often inconsistent. “After spending time with a girl, you feel exhausted because she takes more than she gives. After spending time with a woman, you feel invigorated, because she empowers you with possibility, and a passion for life.” – N. Mah
10. A girl has a checklist that prioritizes superficial qualities above anything else. Here is an example of how this checklist may look: Hot, popular, wears skinny jeans, over 6 feet tall, rich.. This is the checklist of what a woman may look for: High integrity, intelligent, kind, good communicator, emotionally available…
Now, a lot of these differences require taking the time to know someone to figure out if the apple of your eye is indeed a mature woman, or someone with an immature mindset. However, one of the quickest filters that you can notice from the beginning is this:
11. A girl plays games. A woman doesn’t.
[infobox bg=”redlight” color=”black” opacity=”on” subtitle=”Nadia Mah”]A girl jumps from one social circle to another, making fast friends that don’t last. A woman values her deep friendships and nurtures that bond with time, gratitude, energy and thoughtfulness.[/infobox]
Photo credit: Daniele Martinie
To learn more about how to change old relationship patterns, and how to create healthy ones, join my 2-hour Live Workshop on Sunday, April 25 where I’ll guide you step by step on how to become more secure in your attachment, manage emotions and our reactions to pain and create healthy relationships. Get your ticket here.
20 Things I Would Tell My 20-Year-Old Self
Totally agree with this is a really well-written article. Now to find one of these rare Woman, without tons of baggage from previous relationships, undisciplined, unruly children, and a Woman that likes to laugh, have fun, can enjoy life’s simple pleasures, like a walk on the beach, lunch on a blanket in the park, A road trip to anywhere just to have time to talk, get to the Mountain’s and spend quality time together, Most importantly Value Your friend/ lover, more than yourself. Always put their wants and needs first. True Love Never Fails if both partners are honest, giving , and are passionate. and make frequent deposits to help the relationship,rather than selfish, self centered withdrawals that damage the friendship/ relationship. Most importantly Value Your friend/ lover, more than yourself. Always put their wants and needs first True Love Never Fails if both partners are honest, giving , and are passionate. Thank You.
Hmmm, “undisciplined, unruly children”? Uhhh, you sound like one of those guys who thinks all kids are annoying – and that you know the best way to parent. (Ick, women hate that….)Sorry, dude, but it’s a kids’ natural inclination to be “undisciplined and unruly”……and, if you meet a woman who has perfectly behaved, obedient children, I’d advise you to……run the other way. She’s probably tyrannical and controlling (which, hey, maybe you like that sort of thing).
If you found a woman like that, that had baggage, would you be brave to her friend and maybe her Hosea? In other words, sometimes things happen in a woman’s life she did not create or want.
Am I the only one who sees this from a health perspective? With the exception of #6, all of these points resemble someone who lacks self-esteem and sometimes self-confidence. Is that really an indicator of maturity?
So i’m a woman since i was 14?
Some good comments, however TONS of stereotypes included here. Men are jumping on this post like crazy but be careful. The picture is a bit B/W and women don’t need to take their behaviour cues from the male perspective. Women can enjoy depth AND frivolity too. And do remember, most of us have emotions and need to vent. The idea of no one, whether women OR men, needing to be emotive sometimes is nonsense. We’re all human. Watch out for applying archetypal images to both genders. After all folks, I know some highly respected public men out there who are incredibly emotional and can’t hold back very easily! 🙂
The most beautiful scene is in the movie “Fire Proof” where the husband falls down on his knees and asks forgiveness with tears streaming down his face. I agree and disagree with your statement. Just as Jesus showed emotions so can we, but I think we need to think about the motive behind it. The same goes for doing something good. If we do it to get glory and fame then I say we do it for the wrong purpose. But if someone pushes us to the brink or pushes our buttons, I think we have a right to let them know. Hopefully, in a rational manner.
I appreciate this article tremendously. It did seem like all the points were more or less the same. Drama versus general maturity. I feel you did the absolute best you could writing it, with psychology facts to back it up. A woman still can’t really speak for a man, though, just sayin..
So, while I can appreciate the point made about helping each other rather than stepping on one another, a lot of these are…very stereotype-based, or I guess, male gaze oriented. If a woman wants to be a dependent housewife, then let her be a dependent housewife (so long as both partners are fine with it). Along with that, it shouldn’t be primarily up to the woman to take on “domestic” duties – a fair household is one where everyone pulls their own weight. The ‘temper tantrum’ thing is literally just stepping on women that tend to be expressive about their emotions. The idea of a woman ‘disrespecting’ her body because she expresses her sexuality freely is also ridiculous, mainly because it’s up to the woman in question what her own definition of self-respect is. A woman can appreciate both frivolous pleasures, as well as in-depth conversation and character. Honestly, to me, a lot of these points seem to want to place women into an unnecessary box.
I mean, I see what you’re trying to do here, and I can appreciate the effort that went into this, but it comes across as stepping on other women to take a moral high ground.
It’s interesting how you’re being excoriated not by men, but by other women for this article. Here are a few thoughts on many of the same things here, written by a man (me). I suppose I’ll be attacked too:
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In almost all cases, an unattached man finds it extremely difficult to be ‘just friends’ with a woman he’s romantically attracted to. Men that can are held in very high regard by women.
Broadly speaking, women have sex to get intimacy, and men are intimate to get sex. Think about it.
Once a man gets placed in the ‘friend’ category,the chances are 90% that he’ll stay there. (See ‘intimacy’ above)
Albert Einstein: ”The worst mistake a woman can make going into a marriage is to think that her man will change, and the worst mistake a man can make going into a marriage is to think his woman won’t.” (paraphrased)
You cannot make anyone love you. This is the hardest lesson I have never learned in more than half a century of being alive.
If thou wouldst attract, be attractive.
Life is a compromise between what you want, and what you can get. Choosing a mate is no different. Very few people will admit this.
There’s nothing more dangerous to a man than a beautiful woman that knows she’s beautiful, and there’s no greater treasure to him than a beautiful woman that doesn’t.
Sex is easy. Love is hard. Do not ever confuse the two.
A little jealousy is a good thing. Too much will tear you to pieces.
In terms of reproductive strategy, men seek youth and physical beauty. This is called shallowness by women.
In terms of reproductive strategy, women seek money and power. This is called shallowness by men.
The older you become, the longer your list of things you won’t accept in a mate becomes, but the list of what you do want stays relatively static.
Sometimes he/she is just not that into you. Learn to recognize this early and not to be a patsy.
No one is perfect, not even you.
Lightning never strikes for many people, strikes once for a few, and twice for a select few.
Women and men think differently. They may arrive at the same conclusions but their thought processes along the way are different.
Love is a decision you make. The heart should inform the mind, yes, but the brain has to be in charge.
Mark Twain: “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then give up. No sense being a damn fool about it.”
Winston Churchill: “Never, never, never quit.”
Women: If he hits you, LEAVE THE SON OF A BITCH
People rarely set out to hurt one another intentionally but instead do it inadvertently during the course of self-preservation.
Learn to forgive.
Be patient.
I really wanted to let you know how much I have enjoyed your articles. I am 20 and at that age where have been doing some soul searching. Both your Men vs Boys and Women vs Girls have really opened my eyes on certain things I have been dealing with in those areas. Continue writing amazing article and inspiring all! You have gained a loyal reader here =]