Recently, I wrote a post on “The 11 Difference Between Dating a Boy vs a Man“. The post can have the genders swapped and most points would still apply. However, we can’t deny that there are some fundamental differences between men and women – from how we are socialized to the chemical and hormonal differences that naturally occur. Thus, I thought it appropriate to follow up with a post on the difference between dating a girl, vs a woman. Again, many points on this post would apply if you switched the genders around.
A boy is attracted to girls. A man is attracted to women. Now, this has nothing to do with the actual age of a person. I’m referring to maturity, life vision and stage of life. In fact, some people regardless of their age, will never really grow up. Also, this isn’t to say that a woman won’t ever have “girlish” or immature tendencies or vice versa. This post refers to one’s maturity and most points would also apply if you switch the genders as well.
If you are a boy, then expect that you will attract only girls. However, if you are a man (independent, knows your worth and value, has a strong moral compass, is considerate and an able communicator and doesn’t let insecurity dominate your psyche), then you should be dating a woman. And if you can’t spot the difference just yet, here are some pointers on the differences between dating a boy vs a man.
1. A girl throws tantrums. When displeased, upset or angry, she reacts just as she did as a child when she didn’t get her way with her parents. This often consists of screaming, pouting, giving the silent treatment, being passive aggressive and/or punishing. A woman still feels the emotions of being upset/displeased, but has cultivated the skill of responding versus reacting. She comes to the table as an adult, and communicates clearly what is bothering her.
2. A girl perceives herself as a princess and believes people should treat her like so. She is entitled and feels that she is owed and therefore expects more than she appreciates. A woman, has standards (what she holds herself to) not expectations (what she projects on to others).
3. A girl uses her physical beauty as her currency and basis of value. A girl may be so used to feeling validated through her looks and sexuality, that she uses this as her primary tool to get what she wants in life. A woman, knows her worth is beyond her physicality. A woman bases her value on her intelligence, her strength, her integrity, her values, her contributions, her humanity.
4. A girl banks on a man to be her financial strategy. A woman plans to be financially independent – she banks on… herself. And if she so happens to enter a relationship dynamic where it makes sense for her partner to be the primary breadwinner, it’s considered a bonus, not the expected life line.
5. A girl sees the world from a place of lack and scarcity. She competes and will even tear down another in order to secure resources or a mate. A woman helps other women. She knows that there’s plenty enough to go around and takes the high road of integrity to get what she wants.
6. A girl cannot be bothered with anything domestic and is proud of the fact that she cannot cook or clean. A woman understands that being domestic is not a duty, but understands that it is one way of taking care of herself and others. She also understands that in the event she wants to create a family, having a person in the household who can contribute domestically is important.
7. “A girl wants attention, a woman wants respect. A girl wants to be adored by many. A woman wants to be adored by one.” -anonymous
8. A girl does not respect her body. She has not yet understood that her body and heart are sacred, and that it’s important to be mindful of how she treats it and who she shares it with. “A girl cherishes handbags, diamonds and her shoe collection as her prize possessions. A woman cherishes her health, her sense of self, and her talents as her greatest assets.” – N. Mah
9. A woman takes the time to reflect on the type of human she wants to be, the example she wants to leave and the vision for her life. She has put thought into her values and what she stands for. A girl has not established her moral compass or values and consequently, is often inconsistent. “After spending time with a girl, you feel exhausted because she takes more than she gives. After spending time with a woman, you feel invigorated, because she empowers you with possibility, and a passion for life.” – N. Mah
10. A girl has a checklist that prioritizes superficial qualities above anything else. Here is an example of how this checklist may look: Hot, popular, wears skinny jeans, over 6 feet tall, rich.. This is the checklist of what a woman may look for: High integrity, intelligent, kind, good communicator, emotionally available…
Now, a lot of these differences require taking the time to know someone to figure out if the apple of your eye is indeed a mature woman, or someone with an immature mindset. However, one of the quickest filters that you can notice from the beginning is this:
11. A girl plays games. A woman doesn’t.
[infobox bg=”redlight” color=”black” opacity=”on” subtitle=”Nadia Mah”]A girl jumps from one social circle to another, making fast friends that don’t last. A woman values her deep friendships and nurtures that bond with time, gratitude, energy and thoughtfulness.[/infobox]
Photo credit: Daniele Martinie
To learn more about how to change old relationship patterns, and how to create healthy ones, join my 2-hour Live Workshop on Sunday, April 25 where I’ll guide you step by step on how to become more secure in your attachment, manage emotions and our reactions to pain and create healthy relationships. Get your ticket here.
20 Things I Would Tell My 20-Year-Old Self
There’s a bit of a problem with the intro being generalizing and heteronormative. But other than that it’s mostly spot on. But the one about girls using their looks as a commodity, while I agree it shouldn’t be their only redeeming feature, it’s difficult not to feel compelled to. It’s the first thing people judge women on, more so than men (especially men after a certain age), and when they try to amount to more than looks, people seem to constantly drag looks into the equation. Consider every female politician or journalist and how they’re treated. I do not blame women who use their looks to their advantage, because of how automatically it can be used to their disadvantage.
I found it interesting how many men disagreed with the article about “men” vs. “Boys” which I ultimately didn’t agree with the article either. However so many women and men agree with this article. I think you’ve made interesting points but I wouldn’t say this is a list of “woman” vs. “Girl”. It is more a matter of personality and behavior. Some men want to “spoil” women; to each is own. I know plenty of women who are independent finacially but still sought after men who would “spoil” them. Does that make them girls versus women? Absolutely not. Do I agree with it? That’s another story. Everyone has different morals. I not only hold standards to myself but also expectations of others because without doing so people will try to take advantage; I think both are important. I heard Beyonce say several times she can not cook. Then again she has worked hard, has millions and I’m sure is paying someone to do that. I don’t think it makes her less of a woman even if her husband can’t cook..It fits her lifestyle and career. I personally think it’s important to know how to cook for survival but the point I am making is that everyone has different ideas of the kind of partner they want. I think in society we are constantly making lists and bullitens of what men and women need to be. But not everyone wants a family, a couple may decide to travel the world together and not have children.
Many women go into prostituting (no I am not one but have known many) under certain circumstances in life. A little less extreme, exotic dancing. It seemed as though many Russians had no issue with using their body as a tool, (other races/ethnicities as well) actually many of these women loved women not men. Many were married and had children. Does this make them less of women? No maybe from a cultural standpoint they had a different set of beliefs. Morally it is not my place to judge. I personally think the body is sacred.
It is a wonder why those SuggarDaddy sites are so popular and I’m not talking about just for 20year old girls and much older men. There is even an article written from a woman that got a lot of talk about “arrangements” when let’s face it a lot of that is going on. This includes married men and women having affairs for several reasons, etc.
Then there are other cultures besides American when it comes to dating which is important to view. What about cultures that choose the mate? For financial reasons etc.
The point I am making is that in this society we put genders into compartments which I think is affecting us negatively in the long run. This world is so complex. I can understand saying that these are behaviors you don’t think women should have personally, but to make a list and compare “woman” vs “girl” and “man” vs “boy” well then I guess we are all just children running around on this Earth trying to get it right. 🙂
As a feminist, I was like… hum, this is gonna be a big sexist article !
And it actually is in some way, eventhough in the beginning it says the same has been said about men, which brings a balance.
But its really not too bad about sexism. Its just insulting about the young. Like, you’re unconscious, unstable, you don’t bring anything… it’s a bit sad that “The Woman” is hold as The example.
But the thing I like in this article is that it seems to be telling what changed in my life in the last two years. I started cleaning and cooking and being proud of that – I am just 24 but I am the mum of my 7 mates because no one cooks, even the 30 years old ones! I hope to show them the way…
They’re still like “she’s cool” and not “I should do the same”, but let’s give some time…
I was travelling a lot as well and living with tens of people, and now I just want stability. And do my thing…
The article does say truths but it is not really done the right way I find… it’s really insulting, and telling you what you should do in an oppressive way, not at all the writing of the wise woman its depicting.
I don’t feel like this article was insulting at all. Some people are women and some are girls, that’s not to say that a girl won’t become a woman. This article is useful for any young man on the dating scene thats looking to avoid bad relationships.
DOUDOU: This article is not insulting. You are just looking for something to criticize. Maturity advances one from a “girl” to a “woman”. Some advance sooner and some never at all. Some women (and men) are users – it’s all about them and it will always be. Well written.
Hai. I”m from indonesia
I like your article.
Although this article was insightful and well written, I would like to say that some of these issues, especially strategies in conflict, are learned from a young age. People often come from dysfunctional backgrounds and do not have healthy relationship skills. I think sometimes these skills are learned only through the patient and unconditional love of a partner whom you grow with. To discard a dating partner so eagerly seems to me, a bit immature in itself. I think this list should be a list of goals, rather than a checklist, because nobody is perfect and we could all afford to grow.
For ‘A Woman” i think you should read the article again
For “DOUDOU” the idea of feminism is dumb because male =/= female also it has no place on the article if you start your comments with “im a feminist” a lot of people simply ignores your comments because u look like a dumbass extremist