Recently, I wrote a post on “The 11 Difference Between Dating a Boy vs a Man“. The post can have the genders swapped and most points would still apply. However, we can’t deny that there are some fundamental differences between men and women – from how we are socialized to the chemical and hormonal differences that naturally occur. Thus, I thought it appropriate to follow up with a post on the difference between dating a girl, vs a woman. Again, many points on this post would apply if you switched the genders around.
A boy is attracted to girls. A man is attracted to women. Now, this has nothing to do with the actual age of a person. I’m referring to maturity, life vision and stage of life. In fact, some people regardless of their age, will never really grow up. Also, this isn’t to say that a woman won’t ever have “girlish” or immature tendencies or vice versa. This post refers to one’s maturity and most points would also apply if you switch the genders as well.
If you are a boy, then expect that you will attract only girls. However, if you are a man (independent, knows your worth and value, has a strong moral compass, is considerate and an able communicator and doesn’t let insecurity dominate your psyche), then you should be dating a woman. And if you can’t spot the difference just yet, here are some pointers on the differences between dating a boy vs a man.
1. A girl throws tantrums. When displeased, upset or angry, she reacts just as she did as a child when she didn’t get her way with her parents. This often consists of screaming, pouting, giving the silent treatment, being passive aggressive and/or punishing. A woman still feels the emotions of being upset/displeased, but has cultivated the skill of responding versus reacting. She comes to the table as an adult, and communicates clearly what is bothering her.
2. A girl perceives herself as a princess and believes people should treat her like so. She is entitled and feels that she is owed and therefore expects more than she appreciates. A woman, has standards (what she holds herself to) not expectations (what she projects on to others).
3. A girl uses her physical beauty as her currency and basis of value. A girl may be so used to feeling validated through her looks and sexuality, that she uses this as her primary tool to get what she wants in life. A woman, knows her worth is beyond her physicality. A woman bases her value on her intelligence, her strength, her integrity, her values, her contributions, her humanity.
4. A girl banks on a man to be her financial strategy. A woman plans to be financially independent – she banks on… herself. And if she so happens to enter a relationship dynamic where it makes sense for her partner to be the primary breadwinner, it’s considered a bonus, not the expected life line.
5. A girl sees the world from a place of lack and scarcity. She competes and will even tear down another in order to secure resources or a mate. A woman helps other women. She knows that there’s plenty enough to go around and takes the high road of integrity to get what she wants.
6. A girl cannot be bothered with anything domestic and is proud of the fact that she cannot cook or clean. A woman understands that being domestic is not a duty, but understands that it is one way of taking care of herself and others. She also understands that in the event she wants to create a family, having a person in the household who can contribute domestically is important.
7. “A girl wants attention, a woman wants respect. A girl wants to be adored by many. A woman wants to be adored by one.” -anonymous
8. A girl does not respect her body. She has not yet understood that her body and heart are sacred, and that it’s important to be mindful of how she treats it and who she shares it with. “A girl cherishes handbags, diamonds and her shoe collection as her prize possessions. A woman cherishes her health, her sense of self, and her talents as her greatest assets.” – N. Mah
9. A woman takes the time to reflect on the type of human she wants to be, the example she wants to leave and the vision for her life. She has put thought into her values and what she stands for. A girl has not established her moral compass or values and consequently, is often inconsistent. “After spending time with a girl, you feel exhausted because she takes more than she gives. After spending time with a woman, you feel invigorated, because she empowers you with possibility, and a passion for life.” – N. Mah
10. A girl has a checklist that prioritizes superficial qualities above anything else. Here is an example of how this checklist may look: Hot, popular, wears skinny jeans, over 6 feet tall, rich.. This is the checklist of what a woman may look for: High integrity, intelligent, kind, good communicator, emotionally available…
Now, a lot of these differences require taking the time to know someone to figure out if the apple of your eye is indeed a mature woman, or someone with an immature mindset. However, one of the quickest filters that you can notice from the beginning is this:
11. A girl plays games. A woman doesn’t.
[infobox bg=”redlight” color=”black” opacity=”on” subtitle=”Nadia Mah”]A girl jumps from one social circle to another, making fast friends that don’t last. A woman values her deep friendships and nurtures that bond with time, gratitude, energy and thoughtfulness.[/infobox]
Photo credit: Daniele Martinie
To learn more about how to change old relationship patterns, and how to create healthy ones, join my 2-hour Live Workshop on Sunday, April 25 where I’ll guide you step by step on how to become more secure in your attachment, manage emotions and our reactions to pain and create healthy relationships. Get your ticket here.
20 Things I Would Tell My 20-Year-Old Self
I think you are not referring to a “woman”. I believe tittle should be the “difference between a girl and a more matured woman or single moms.
a Single woman is not that hard to please and usually does what a girl do, but of course on a more mature ways.
🙂
I’m a 25 year old guy and just dated an 18 year old girl that was more of a woman than my ex who was 29 years old… Go figure. lol
It is true that age has nothing to do with maturity at times. I dated guys in their 50s who made middle school boys look like mature men. It was frightening to see. I dated guys ten years younger than me who had their heads on pretty well. My current boyfriend is the same age as me and I can’t be any happier. 🙂
Hmm…Why is it then, most of the females around me who display the traits of a woman are single? I guess they are just nice… and boring?
It’s written by a female for other females. We do not see things this way.
I think you are confusing boring with selective, JJ. Women don’t need to validate how they feel about themselves with being in a relationship- they are happy to wait for the good ones!
THIS. A woman…makes her life amazing without banking on a partner to make her life amazing. She waits for the person who operates on her level of awesomeness…bc she knows her worth.
So…yeah. Pls don’t flatter yourself into thinking that just because a woman is single it’s bc she’s undesirable.
Because you are still a boy. That’s why.
wow. not all girls are like that. i certainly wasn’t like that. also, there are many women who value physical beauty and money more than anything else. so it’s not about age. it’s about if you were raised the right way.
@DDFDSF: You have totally missed the point. The writer is not talking about age here. The writer is talking about emotional and psychological maturity.
I appreciate the intent, but all this article does is shame women and girls for behaving the way the media tells them they should. It’s true that all of the womanly traits mentioned are how everyone SHOULD act, but if women DO have any of these characteristics it’s not out of immaturity, but a response to the images we’re constantly shown. Particularly 3, 5, 8 and 10.
But isn’t it a sign of immaturity to have your actions dictated by outside influences rather than your own moral compass? Being a “woman” is about being true to yourself, expressing yourself in a mature way, and knowing your own self-worth, not acting in a selfish and trashy way because that’s what we see on TV.
This part of 6 bugs me, “She also understands that in the event she wants to create a family, having a person in the household who can contribute domestically is important.”
Instead of reading, “…having a person in the household who can contribute…” It should read, “being able to contribute…” Domestic activities are the responsibility of both partners, not just one person, and certainly not just the woman.
Hi Cb,
I actually do not state that it is a woman’s job to take care of things in the household. In fact, both people need to know survival skills if you are going to enter a relationship, let alone have a family.
then you should have made that clear. as it stands, it reads very much like domesticity is a woman’s responsibility; if you don’t think that, then edit the article, and then reiterate the importance of both sexes to be domestically capable in your article about boys v. men.
I really like this article. I think everyone, men and women, can benefit from reading it. I like point #6 especially. I regret I never learned to clean or cook growing up and now I am trying to teach myself- but I wish the habits were instilled in me. Excellent article! One of the comments I read by someone is that is article just puts women down for acting the way media has taught them… my response to this is- stop watching mindless garbage and allowing someone else/ something else to dictate YOUR actions. You make yourself and you chose the influences so take responsibility and don’t be a victim. “Somebody else made me” is a ‘girl’ish arguement. BE A WOMAN!
I agree with Mary-Kate
Well said!
There are a lot of factors in the making of a woman. Home environment as a child, peers, and experiences contribute to the shaping on one’s character.
There are a rare few that seemed to born with a woman’s grace, but for most, it was a process. A girl evolves into a woman because she has gained insight from the lessons learned in her life. But sometimes a woman fantasizes that she can let her guard down and be a girl again.
I love you. Fantastic article. I’m a 35 year old man who appreciates every single aspect of how you describe your opinion of the difference between girls and women.