Recently, I wrote a post on “The 11 Difference Between Dating a Boy vs a Man“. The post can have the genders swapped and most points would still apply. However, we can’t deny that there are some fundamental differences between men and women – from how we are socialized to the chemical and hormonal differences that naturally occur. Thus, I thought it appropriate to follow up with a post on the difference between dating a girl, vs a woman. Again, many points on this post would apply if you switched the genders around.
A boy is attracted to girls. A man is attracted to women. Now, this has nothing to do with the actual age of a person. I’m referring to maturity, life vision and stage of life. In fact, some people regardless of their age, will never really grow up. Also, this isn’t to say that a woman won’t ever have “girlish” or immature tendencies or vice versa. This post refers to one’s maturity and most points would also apply if you switch the genders as well.
If you are a boy, then expect that you will attract only girls. However, if you are a man (independent, knows your worth and value, has a strong moral compass, is considerate and an able communicator and doesn’t let insecurity dominate your psyche), then you should be dating a woman. And if you can’t spot the difference just yet, here are some pointers on the differences between dating a boy vs a man.
1. A girl throws tantrums. When displeased, upset or angry, she reacts just as she did as a child when she didn’t get her way with her parents. This often consists of screaming, pouting, giving the silent treatment, being passive aggressive and/or punishing. A woman still feels the emotions of being upset/displeased, but has cultivated the skill of responding versus reacting. She comes to the table as an adult, and communicates clearly what is bothering her.
2. A girl perceives herself as a princess and believes people should treat her like so. She is entitled and feels that she is owed and therefore expects more than she appreciates. A woman, has standards (what she holds herself to) not expectations (what she projects on to others).
3. A girl uses her physical beauty as her currency and basis of value. A girl may be so used to feeling validated through her looks and sexuality, that she uses this as her primary tool to get what she wants in life. A woman, knows her worth is beyond her physicality. A woman bases her value on her intelligence, her strength, her integrity, her values, her contributions, her humanity.
4. A girl banks on a man to be her financial strategy. A woman plans to be financially independent – she banks on… herself. And if she so happens to enter a relationship dynamic where it makes sense for her partner to be the primary breadwinner, it’s considered a bonus, not the expected life line.
5. A girl sees the world from a place of lack and scarcity. She competes and will even tear down another in order to secure resources or a mate. A woman helps other women. She knows that there’s plenty enough to go around and takes the high road of integrity to get what she wants.
6. A girl cannot be bothered with anything domestic and is proud of the fact that she cannot cook or clean. A woman understands that being domestic is not a duty, but understands that it is one way of taking care of herself and others. She also understands that in the event she wants to create a family, having a person in the household who can contribute domestically is important.
7. “A girl wants attention, a woman wants respect. A girl wants to be adored by many. A woman wants to be adored by one.” -anonymous
8. A girl does not respect her body. She has not yet understood that her body and heart are sacred, and that it’s important to be mindful of how she treats it and who she shares it with. “A girl cherishes handbags, diamonds and her shoe collection as her prize possessions. A woman cherishes her health, her sense of self, and her talents as her greatest assets.” – N. Mah
9. A woman takes the time to reflect on the type of human she wants to be, the example she wants to leave and the vision for her life. She has put thought into her values and what she stands for. A girl has not established her moral compass or values and consequently, is often inconsistent. “After spending time with a girl, you feel exhausted because she takes more than she gives. After spending time with a woman, you feel invigorated, because she empowers you with possibility, and a passion for life.” – N. Mah
10. A girl has a checklist that prioritizes superficial qualities above anything else. Here is an example of how this checklist may look: Hot, popular, wears skinny jeans, over 6 feet tall, rich.. This is the checklist of what a woman may look for: High integrity, intelligent, kind, good communicator, emotionally available…
Now, a lot of these differences require taking the time to know someone to figure out if the apple of your eye is indeed a mature woman, or someone with an immature mindset. However, one of the quickest filters that you can notice from the beginning is this:
11. A girl plays games. A woman doesn’t.
[infobox bg=”redlight” color=”black” opacity=”on” subtitle=”Nadia Mah”]A girl jumps from one social circle to another, making fast friends that don’t last. A woman values her deep friendships and nurtures that bond with time, gratitude, energy and thoughtfulness.[/infobox]
Photo credit: Daniele Martinie
To learn more about how to change old relationship patterns, and how to create healthy ones, join my 2-hour Live Workshop on Sunday, April 25 where I’ll guide you step by step on how to become more secure in your attachment, manage emotions and our reactions to pain and create healthy relationships. Get your ticket here.
20 Things I Would Tell My 20-Year-Old Self
Wow. This explains a lot for me with my last attempted relationship. She was a girl and I was a man! I read the difference between boys and men article as well the girls and women article. I think for both sexes what makes the difference between immature and mature is 1) knowing who you are, i.e. thereby knowing what gives true self-worth and value and 2) knowing what you want which, knowing what you want, is totally contingent upon knowing who you are. I was on a spiritual search for about 6-7 years. I did all it took to find myself. Now I know. I am ready for a real relationship and I am ready to prepare and build the infrastructure for a family. But it took all that soul searching to get to this point. Now my question is, how do I meet a woman!? I am getting my Master’s degree at a major college campus and I see girls all over the place here but I haven’t met any women. It’s a bit frustrating.
There are TONS of resources out there about the topic. It’s called the Pick-up Arts. Well, there’s a lot of superficial and immature crap in it, but I’m sure you’ll be able to filter them out well. 😉 Check out The 21 Convention on Youtube! It links to a lot of great teachers.
Where did you land with your spiritual search? And the right women will come. Just keep meeting people and don’t dismiss anyone that comes in your path… one person will introduce you to another and that person to another..and eventually you’ll be steered to a fine woman :p
It is quite strange that domestic chores are mentioned here but not in the men’s list. Why is that? This is a modern article and women are no longer responsible for the domestic burden in exactly the same way men are no longer responsible for the financial burden. To mention it here in the context of this article is, sadly, still so sexist…
It is quite strange that domestic chores are mentioned here but not in the men’s list. Why is that?
If I had to hazard a wild guess:
Girls trumpet their lack of ability to cook and and clean as a point of misguided feminist pride, thinking that they appear modern and empowered in participating in such a direct backlash to how domestic duties were the province of former generations of women.
Boys don’t.
I believe her preface stated more than once that these can ben interchanged with men too and I quote “many points on this post would apply if you switched the genders around.” Quick to offense, slow to read :/
I was wondering how long it would take me in the comments section to stumble upon someone making some sexist jab because of the section you brought up. Not being able to take care of yourself (cook, propelru clean, handle your own laundry and tend to things around your living space) isn’t something to be proud of. Females don’t want to have to be the cleaner and do everything for men, why should a man want to be with someone who puts them in that role? Nothing is more unattractive than a household slob who can’t do the basics. it’s not a sexism thing – though I can see how femmis would take it as such…since everything is to you “girls”.
I think the main problem with this article is in the title. girl vs. woman, and that’s what’s tripping people up. Having most of the “womanly” qualities is good. However, I don’t think these are things that separate girls and women, even in the abstract maturity sense the author is suggesting. In particular, there are significant problems with 5-8. They’re based mostly on stereotypes and gender norms, and ideas of morality that many people do not ascribe to. It’s an extremely narrow view of how women should be.
Just curious but using points 5-8 what are some more open-minded examples to how women should be?
Tunie, it isn’t sexist at all to recognize that girls (immature adult women) often use “feminism” as an excuse to be slobs.
You know, this article has been getting a lot of flack online, but I’ve experienced a lot of truth in it lately. Just last week, at a conference, I was taken aback by the fact that every time I walked into a room with my younger, leaner, flirty colleague, all eyes were on her. Granted, I’m not supermodel caliber, but I have turned a few heads in my day, so I wasn’t quite prepared to be treated like wallpaper. It was only on the last day, when I stepped behind the podium to speak, all of those eyes turned to me. And instead of a fleeting vanity scan, they stared at me for over an hour. Looking back on this experience, this was the first time I’ve been recognized for my intelligence first without leaning on my looks to capture attention.
I’m just settling into this transition and, although it was jarring, I knew it would happen sooner or later. Do I think of myself of more of a woman and less of a girl? Not really, but shifting my mentality to value the benefits of maturity is a natural and necessary evolution toward leading a full and happy life, and I thank you for putting it into perspective.
Also, last year, at the ripe old age of 36, I decided to learn how to cook. So did Julia Child.
A “woman” recognizes that there is nothing wrong with “domestic” work. Im an educated and well traveled woman, yet put me in the kitchen and I will cook my mans favorite meal simply to please him…
Oh my goodness! I am only 17 and those are some true facts! I am definitely number 6 and 11. I still struggle with most of the other numbers but I, truthfully, don’t care about being popular and what not. I don’t desire anything but to serve my future husband. I really really do. I just want to work hard and just stay loyal and loving to my future husband. Boys my age these days are so immature or just not my type. MANY and I mean a lot of older guys really like me and I have always wonder why but I sort of get it now. I AM the mature one. Cute boys are always attracted to my girls (that are my age) and I am always jealous why or how come no boys my age ever like me. This is a wonderful article. Glad I read this. Thank you so much! (: