Recently, I wrote a post on “The 11 Difference Between Dating a Boy vs a Man“. The post can have the genders swapped and most points would still apply. However, we can’t deny that there are some fundamental differences between men and women – from how we are socialized to the chemical and hormonal differences that naturally occur. Thus, I thought it appropriate to follow up with a post on the difference between dating a girl, vs a woman. Again, many points on this post would apply if you switched the genders around.
A boy is attracted to girls. A man is attracted to women. Now, this has nothing to do with the actual age of a person. I’m referring to maturity, life vision and stage of life. In fact, some people regardless of their age, will never really grow up. Also, this isn’t to say that a woman won’t ever have “girlish” or immature tendencies or vice versa. This post refers to one’s maturity and most points would also apply if you switch the genders as well.
If you are a boy, then expect that you will attract only girls. However, if you are a man (independent, knows your worth and value, has a strong moral compass, is considerate and an able communicator and doesn’t let insecurity dominate your psyche), then you should be dating a woman. And if you can’t spot the difference just yet, here are some pointers on the differences between dating a boy vs a man.
1. A girl throws tantrums. When displeased, upset or angry, she reacts just as she did as a child when she didn’t get her way with her parents. This often consists of screaming, pouting, giving the silent treatment, being passive aggressive and/or punishing. A woman still feels the emotions of being upset/displeased, but has cultivated the skill of responding versus reacting. She comes to the table as an adult, and communicates clearly what is bothering her.
2. A girl perceives herself as a princess and believes people should treat her like so. She is entitled and feels that she is owed and therefore expects more than she appreciates. A woman, has standards (what she holds herself to) not expectations (what she projects on to others).
3. A girl uses her physical beauty as her currency and basis of value. A girl may be so used to feeling validated through her looks and sexuality, that she uses this as her primary tool to get what she wants in life. A woman, knows her worth is beyond her physicality. A woman bases her value on her intelligence, her strength, her integrity, her values, her contributions, her humanity.
4. A girl banks on a man to be her financial strategy. A woman plans to be financially independent – she banks on… herself. And if she so happens to enter a relationship dynamic where it makes sense for her partner to be the primary breadwinner, it’s considered a bonus, not the expected life line.
5. A girl sees the world from a place of lack and scarcity. She competes and will even tear down another in order to secure resources or a mate. A woman helps other women. She knows that there’s plenty enough to go around and takes the high road of integrity to get what she wants.
6. A girl cannot be bothered with anything domestic and is proud of the fact that she cannot cook or clean. A woman understands that being domestic is not a duty, but understands that it is one way of taking care of herself and others. She also understands that in the event she wants to create a family, having a person in the household who can contribute domestically is important.
7. “A girl wants attention, a woman wants respect. A girl wants to be adored by many. A woman wants to be adored by one.” -anonymous
8. A girl does not respect her body. She has not yet understood that her body and heart are sacred, and that it’s important to be mindful of how she treats it and who she shares it with. “A girl cherishes handbags, diamonds and her shoe collection as her prize possessions. A woman cherishes her health, her sense of self, and her talents as her greatest assets.” – N. Mah
9. A woman takes the time to reflect on the type of human she wants to be, the example she wants to leave and the vision for her life. She has put thought into her values and what she stands for. A girl has not established her moral compass or values and consequently, is often inconsistent. “After spending time with a girl, you feel exhausted because she takes more than she gives. After spending time with a woman, you feel invigorated, because she empowers you with possibility, and a passion for life.” – N. Mah
10. A girl has a checklist that prioritizes superficial qualities above anything else. Here is an example of how this checklist may look: Hot, popular, wears skinny jeans, over 6 feet tall, rich.. This is the checklist of what a woman may look for: High integrity, intelligent, kind, good communicator, emotionally available…
Now, a lot of these differences require taking the time to know someone to figure out if the apple of your eye is indeed a mature woman, or someone with an immature mindset. However, one of the quickest filters that you can notice from the beginning is this:
11. A girl plays games. A woman doesn’t.
[infobox bg=”redlight” color=”black” opacity=”on” subtitle=”Nadia Mah”]A girl jumps from one social circle to another, making fast friends that don’t last. A woman values her deep friendships and nurtures that bond with time, gratitude, energy and thoughtfulness.[/infobox]
Photo credit: Daniele Martinie
To learn more about how to change old relationship patterns, and how to create healthy ones, join my 2-hour Live Workshop on Sunday, April 25 where I’ll guide you step by step on how to become more secure in your attachment, manage emotions and our reactions to pain and create healthy relationships. Get your ticket here.
20 Things I Would Tell My 20-Year-Old Self
While I think that this article definitely does make some valid points (and I read the Boy vs. Man article as well, which also made some valid points), I was a little concerned by the domestic chores entry. I am of the opinion that a truly great relationship is one based on mutual respect, trust, and through those two things, equality. I do agree that knowing how to cook and clean are essential parts of being able to take care of yourself, but I don’t think that applies just to women. I know plenty of boys who don’t really know how to take care of themselves; even if they cook (a little), they never clean and rely on others to do the cleaning for them. If I were dating someone like that, I would hate having to clean up after them all the time. I think it’s important to point out that, instead, you should share the responsibility, not put the brunt of the work on one person. I understand that’s probably what the writer was trying to point out in the first place, however I think it should be prominent in the Men’s article as well.
I agree with the majority of your points, but I do agree with “Person” ‘s comment above. the boys and men article mentioned Nothing about doing half the work in a 50/50 relationship; here, in this article, housework is mentioned. I believe that a man should do half the work (cooking, cleaning), while the women only does the the other 50%. Crazy how that is actually fair and equal, yet sounds unfair. Housework and domestic chores has been gendered feminine.
Also, all of the points made in your previous boys and men article could be applied to women as well.
I think that the ratio of who does domestic work is really going to be dependent on the two people and finding a system that works. For example, perhaps the woman is bringing home a larger income, but also needs to stay at work longer. It may in that case, make more sense for the partner who may not be as busy to pick up some of the domestic work. It’s an understanding that there has to be someone (or both) that can take care of those things. It’s absolutely insane that people think this is sexist. Boy or girl, man or woman – you need to know how to do the basic things to take care of yourself, and if you find yourself in a partnership or having a family, SOMEONE has to be able to know how to do the domestic stuff.
Mutual and equality division is sufficient for dividing “chores”, “tasks” or anything else that we have to do to get through life. Not a fan of putting girls/women on the responsibility for these. I would much rather like it if I found someone who hate chores like me and yet finds time to do them together comparing to someone who cleans all day then complain about me. 😀
I also believe it is possible to find a “women” inside a girl, albeit hard. Who said life was easy?
The boy/man side of your concern is #2.
As the author said, the items are pretty interchangeable.
There is still some maturity needed to be quibbling over little stuff like “50/50 duty claims”. Nothing in either lists mentions chores that men usually do.
I don’t agree with all of these points. Women should be able to feel sexy without being ashamed. Also, obviously women want to be put on a pedestal by their man.. I mean THEY ARE going to be together forever.
ayyy gurll
It is an interesting and eye-opening read to be frank and I enjoyed it. However, I do not agree with a number of points and while most of them have surfaced out in the comments, the fundamental point I disagree with is the way you term a “man” and a “boy” so absolutely. I really don’t think that the distinction is so clear because in one context or situation you may act more like, in your definition, a “man”, and in other aspects of life, a little more childish, a “boy”. To me its very dangerous if one were to go out and start categorising people just simply by one or two actions or behaviours they have and say: “This is a man. That is a boy.” It’s just not right. Probably in that aspect, you could say it was a manly behaviour versus a kiddish behaviour, but it is outrightly wrong to make these generalisations. Of course, unfortunately, our society has the tendency to do so and I am guilty of it as well. Hence, being aware of such a tendency, I have decided to point it out to you as well. Feel free to disagree, but I must agree with what one of the commenters mentioned: humans are dynamic; we are not cast in stone and definitely are different. Yes, some of the behaviours may lead to similar tendencies in other aspects, but that is less often the case.
I’m a woman most of the times and a girl sometimes (I might have a princess syndrome).
I would add that the terms in which you think of yourself matter. That’s why I stopped thinking of myself as a “girl” and I’m not even 25 years old. If you describe yourself as a “girl”, you won’t act like a woman. I think some people are afraid of referring to themselves as “men” or “women” because these words come with more responsibilities.
So I truly like you. You’re smart! 🙂
Well said.
These seem wrongheaded. The man vs boy article concerns action vs inaction and responsibility vs irresponsibility; the girl vs woman article is about emotion vs self-control and giving vs taking. In this way, it appears to reinforce gender stereotypes.