Recently, I wrote a post on “The 11 Difference Between Dating a Boy vs a Man“. The post can have the genders swapped and most points would still apply. However, we can’t deny that there are some fundamental differences between men and women – from how we are socialized to the chemical and hormonal differences that naturally occur. Thus, I thought it appropriate to follow up with a post on the difference between dating a girl, vs a woman. Again, many points on this post would apply if you switched the genders around.
A boy is attracted to girls. A man is attracted to women. Now, this has nothing to do with the actual age of a person. I’m referring to maturity, life vision and stage of life. In fact, some people regardless of their age, will never really grow up. Also, this isn’t to say that a woman won’t ever have “girlish” or immature tendencies or vice versa. This post refers to one’s maturity and most points would also apply if you switch the genders as well.
If you are a boy, then expect that you will attract only girls. However, if you are a man (independent, knows your worth and value, has a strong moral compass, is considerate and an able communicator and doesn’t let insecurity dominate your psyche), then you should be dating a woman. And if you can’t spot the difference just yet, here are some pointers on the differences between dating a boy vs a man.
1. A girl throws tantrums. When displeased, upset or angry, she reacts just as she did as a child when she didn’t get her way with her parents. This often consists of screaming, pouting, giving the silent treatment, being passive aggressive and/or punishing. A woman still feels the emotions of being upset/displeased, but has cultivated the skill of responding versus reacting. She comes to the table as an adult, and communicates clearly what is bothering her.
2. A girl perceives herself as a princess and believes people should treat her like so. She is entitled and feels that she is owed and therefore expects more than she appreciates. A woman, has standards (what she holds herself to) not expectations (what she projects on to others).
3. A girl uses her physical beauty as her currency and basis of value. A girl may be so used to feeling validated through her looks and sexuality, that she uses this as her primary tool to get what she wants in life. A woman, knows her worth is beyond her physicality. A woman bases her value on her intelligence, her strength, her integrity, her values, her contributions, her humanity.
4. A girl banks on a man to be her financial strategy. A woman plans to be financially independent – she banks on… herself. And if she so happens to enter a relationship dynamic where it makes sense for her partner to be the primary breadwinner, it’s considered a bonus, not the expected life line.
5. A girl sees the world from a place of lack and scarcity. She competes and will even tear down another in order to secure resources or a mate. A woman helps other women. She knows that there’s plenty enough to go around and takes the high road of integrity to get what she wants.
6. A girl cannot be bothered with anything domestic and is proud of the fact that she cannot cook or clean. A woman understands that being domestic is not a duty, but understands that it is one way of taking care of herself and others. She also understands that in the event she wants to create a family, having a person in the household who can contribute domestically is important.
7. “A girl wants attention, a woman wants respect. A girl wants to be adored by many. A woman wants to be adored by one.” -anonymous
8. A girl does not respect her body. She has not yet understood that her body and heart are sacred, and that it’s important to be mindful of how she treats it and who she shares it with. “A girl cherishes handbags, diamonds and her shoe collection as her prize possessions. A woman cherishes her health, her sense of self, and her talents as her greatest assets.” – N. Mah
9. A woman takes the time to reflect on the type of human she wants to be, the example she wants to leave and the vision for her life. She has put thought into her values and what she stands for. A girl has not established her moral compass or values and consequently, is often inconsistent. “After spending time with a girl, you feel exhausted because she takes more than she gives. After spending time with a woman, you feel invigorated, because she empowers you with possibility, and a passion for life.” – N. Mah
10. A girl has a checklist that prioritizes superficial qualities above anything else. Here is an example of how this checklist may look: Hot, popular, wears skinny jeans, over 6 feet tall, rich.. This is the checklist of what a woman may look for: High integrity, intelligent, kind, good communicator, emotionally available…
Now, a lot of these differences require taking the time to know someone to figure out if the apple of your eye is indeed a mature woman, or someone with an immature mindset. However, one of the quickest filters that you can notice from the beginning is this:
11. A girl plays games. A woman doesn’t.
[infobox bg=”redlight” color=”black” opacity=”on” subtitle=”Nadia Mah”]A girl jumps from one social circle to another, making fast friends that don’t last. A woman values her deep friendships and nurtures that bond with time, gratitude, energy and thoughtfulness.[/infobox]
Photo credit: Daniele Martinie
To learn more about how to change old relationship patterns, and how to create healthy ones, join my 2-hour Live Workshop on Sunday, April 25 where I’ll guide you step by step on how to become more secure in your attachment, manage emotions and our reactions to pain and create healthy relationships. Get your ticket here.
20 Things I Would Tell My 20-Year-Old Self
It’s interesting how at some points I recognized my years-ago-self in the description of the girl and the actual-self in the description of the woman. Also at some points I didn’t find the girl in me (for example at the point with domestic duties, which I always had and quite enjoyed), and at some points I don’t find the woman, at least not yet (for example, I would like to have both respect and attention, but also these are things that you gain, not simply have).
Enjoyed it, even if it seemed to me a bit too black/white for my taste.
*bad english, I’m sorry:)
I read both the woman and man version of this, and though some points are valid, the article is very caricatural of who men/boy and women/girl are, and who they should be.
For example, points 3 and 4, link to the idea that a girl/woman initial interest in a man is money before becoming a “woman”, or that women’s duty to be responsible for the household, ideas against which men and women that believe in gender equality have been fighting for years.
And it is the same thing for boy/men, who are categorized as being afraid of commitment or other clichés
Put together, the articles convey the idea of men as a grounded, head of the family, protector, and women as calm, sensitive, and taking care of the household
Everybody is different, gender does not determine personnality traits and those kind of caricature should be put aside and forgotten if we want to move towards gender equality
you’re so annoying.
Agreed!
I felt that some of these points are very conservative in their view of how a woman “should” be.
The man version was less filled with that (ofc-_-).
Congratulations. In a bid to differentiate between girls and women, you have alienated many beautiful women for their very common human flaws, and seriously disadvantaged them in their search to find a mate. You have also misinformed people of both genders. What you call a “woman” is really a perfect being – no one can be completely secure at all times, completely in control at all times – completely faultless at all times, and that’s not possible. Looking for a woman like that is going to end in disenchantment and bitterness, aspiring to be a woman like that is going to end in vicious cycles of disappointment and self-hate, which brings me to my final point: the flaws themselves. Many of these issues (competitiveness, low self-esteem, anger management) stem from trauma in childhood or past relationships. Most women (and men) struggle with these issues. What you are going to end up achieving is getting men to dump these beautiful women for being mere “girls”, and you are going to kill the ESSENTIAL values of tolerance, patience, and forgiveness, and wound these “girls” even more. EVERYONE has emotional baggage – having not completely solved it doesn’t make one a child – emotional baggage is a long-term struggle, and a true partner would not call you a child/girl for it, but support you as you deal with it.
“We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems—the ones that make you truly who you are—that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person—someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.”
I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way.
Let our scars fall in love.”
― Galway Kinnell
@YBBA… perfect answer. No one is perfect. Every person, regardless of gender or age, will exhibit some of these “flaws” that “girls” and “boys” exhibit. You hit the nail on the head when talking about childhood trauma and past relationships.
The point is not to look for perfection, but to cultivate unconditional love for ourselves and others, and in the meantime, we “grow up”, in other words, cultivate the SKILLS of patience, understanting, integrity, confidence and basically all the good things the writer attributes to grown up women.
It’s never that simple, folks. The world is not black and white, unless you make it so.
AGREE!!
This blog isn’t saying women don’t care about superficial things such as appearance. Our society obsesses over appearance, and as a result, so do people — more specifically women. She is saying “girls” solely care about superficial things such as appearance and tangible items. It is perfectly acceptable to be insecure. As a matter of fact, I guarantee there is not ONE person on this earth who is 100% insecure.
Please stop being so sensitive and tearing down someone for stating their truths. It is one thing to constructively criticize someone and another to tear down them down.
Thank you Bobbi for your comment. It appears that there are readers that are already defensive before they even began to read and projected their own “stuff” since the article triggered them. I’m not at all saying that a woman needs to be perfect and be this way 100% or that they are less of a human being. I’m saying that there is a mature mindset and one that stems from immaturity – and yes, all of us have immaturity and insecurities within us. I consider myself a woman, but has there been times in the recent past where I’ve reacted like a child? Yep! You bet! However, now that I’m aware of some of these childish tendencies, I am more conscious of my behavior. It’s a work in progress … for all of us.
Dear Amy,
Sorry if I have offended you. May I suggest revising your phrasing, as “A girl [is]…[whereas] a woman [is]…” and “A girl [does]…[while] a woman [does]…” I submit, would seem to the average reader to be categorical definitions leading the average reader to pigeonhole females into either category of the (false) ‘girl vs woman’ dilemma.
In addition, with sentences like “If you are a boy, then expect that you will attract only girls. However, if you are a man (independent, knows your worth and value, has a strong moral compass, is considerate and an able communicator and doesn’t let insecurity dominate your psyche), then you should be dating a woman. And if you can’t spot the difference just yet, here are some pointers.” and “Now, a lot of these differences require taking the time to know someone to figure out if the apple of your eye is indeed a mature woman, or someone with an immature mindset.” I submit, reinforce this binaristic view of females, thereby encouraging the average reader to judge females based on this list you have provided, whereupon those who “pass” will be lauded, and those who “fail” will be ignored or not given a chance.
I believe we are on the same page when it comes to females in relationships – we want fulfilling, meaningful, forgiving and satisfying relationships. However, having undergone a prolonged personal struggle myself, I am also sensitive to the way the things females see, hear, and experience, albeit well-intentioned, can ultimately hurt and disempower them instead. And I fear that this binaristic, definition-based approach might be one of those cases. To frame it in an example – a female lacking these criteria and therefore labelled a “girl” and consequently rejected by someone may only spiral into deeper insecurity, low self-esteem, and general self-hate, that will manifest themselves in exacerbated displays of these “girl” qualities.. And it all goes round in a vicious cycle.
Not true. Women don’t go for age. They go for maturity and confidence
Simply amazing.
This is perfect
Reading through Boy vs Man, till Girl vs Woman. Learning that Maturity, our mind and choices of life define a person.
Agree that similar things will attract to each other, so an immature person will attracted to immature person more.
Thus while reviewing oneself, it’s part of the mirror that reflects ourself of who we are at this stage of life.
there is not a single person in the world that has all the qualities of a girl here and in fact every woman from time to time fantasizes about being able to get away with one or more of those girl-qualities. In fact some may say that those girls who never have to endure the pain of growing up are the luckiest ones.
It’s sad that I discover at 47 that I’m yet to date a woman.