Time and time again, I hear women complaining about how challenging it is to date men in Vancouver. The complaints range from the lack of quality of single men, to the lack of efforts made during courtship, or rather, courtship no longer exists, period. Here are some tips to the bachelors out there on some dating Do’s and Dont’s:
1. Dating DO: When asking a woman out, suggest an activity (eg. coffee/drinks/dinner) and propose a time (close the deal). Dating DON’T: Ask a woman out by saying “We should hang out sometime.”
Texting “whatsup” or Facebook messaging “We should do coffee sometime” is not asking someone out. It communicates lack of effort and intention. It negates you from having to put yourself out there and risk rejection. Or, it’s just plain lazy. Perhaps I’m old fashioned, or maybe I’m just trying to resist the casual culture that’s characteristic of the “hook-up” millennial generation. But think my wise friend Adam Hodge phrased it perfectly, “The passive approach of ‘we should…’ lacks true intention. Not only in terms of dating, but in regards to personal friendships/relationships – as well as business. It says, I’ll only commit, if you commit first. And if not, I’m not really interested”.
2. Dating DO: If you do the inviting, offer to pay for the bill.
I’m not saying you have to take the person on a fancy, multi-course dinner on a first date. But a general rule of thumb whether it’s a first business meeting or a first date is – if you do the inviting, offer to pay. And, if the date extends beyond the coffee, drink or meal, then it’s fair game after that. It’s not about the amount of money spent; it’s about the gesture.
3. Dating DO: Put in some effort.
Sure, we don’t want to create stuffy situations that create expectations and pressure. But – that doesn’t mean you should slack on making effort when going on a date with someone. Dress for the occasion with proper footwear (and unless you’re heading to the beach, I’d advise to stay away from flip flops at dinner). Put some thought into where to go and saying “I dunno, what do you want to do?” doesn’t cut it.
Lastly, being passive in anything area of life has never lead to great results has it? Mediocre results perhaps, but never great. I’ve never gotten a great job, opportunity or developed an incredibly enriching friendship with someone by choosing the passive route. Thus, it’s likely not going to produce high quality results in the dating realm either.
Take a risk. Put yourself out there. And yeah, you may get rejected or bruised a little bit, but eventually, that risk will be taken with the right person, and it will be so worth it. =)
Photo credit: Marco Abis