5 Reasons Why You’re Repelling Men

Relying on being pretty as your primary asset results in faux confidence. It’s not real and dissipates once the make up is...

Amy C Written by Amy C · 1 min read >

Through interviewing various people on relationships and observing people interact, coupled with my own experience of the dating dance, I’ve realized that there are some basic tendencies that cause a man to go running for the hills.

1. You act like a high-maintenance diva.

If you refer to yourself as a diva or a princess, remove those words from your vocabulary immediately. Feeling entitled, acting spoiled, and being impossible to please are not traits of a grown woman, they are signs of immaturity of a young girl. Act with grace, manners, and hold yourself on your own. A man’s job in a romantic dynamic is not to be your butler, bank account or your father.

2. You bring up the “What are we?” talk two weeks in.

Women like safety, control and knowing where they stand. Totally understandable. The problem is, while it may feel innate to secure a commitment the minute you have feelings for someone, having a contrived talk to determine the status of a budding romance just weeks in, is too much, too fast.

Avoid the tendency of trying to label things right away, and let things flow. Organically, the relationship will reach a point where both people feel the commitment level first, and then the “talk” can commence after that. But to have the “talk” before the feelings are there just to try and control the outcome puts unnecessary pressure on the situation.

3.You don’t have your own life going on = needy.

We’ve all done this before. We like a guy and suddenly our world revolves around him. Even if we play games of acting hard to get, putting a man as the center of your universe emits an energy of neediness and desperation- one that cannot be hidden, regardless of how you strategically wait to text back.

It’s attractive when a woman has her own full life – a career/passion, friends, hobbies, community… If a man fits into that life and complements it, great. But the man cannot ever be the center of your happiness, entertainment and community.

4. You put more energy into being pretty than being interesting.

While being pretty can surely get attention, unless you want a guy who just wants a trophy girlfriend, being pretty is not enough. Society and the media constantly reinforce the message that physical beauty makes up a large part of a woman’s worth. This causes many to focus on the packaging and not the content. Pretty fades. Real, authentic beauty radiates from the inside – it’s a mixture of confidence, self-respect, values, intelligence, heart and spirit. Relying on being pretty as your primary asset results in faux confidence. It’s not real and dissipates once the make up is off and the show is over.

5. You cannot carry a quality conversation.

You cannot build rapport by having a one-sided monologue or talking about clothes and gossip. Ask questions, and really listen to the answers. Connection requires lowering your defenses and showing vulnerability – it requires sharing. So give a little, and ask a lot. Try to take the conversation beyond the superficial small talk.

Click here to read my blog on “7 Reasons Why You’re Repelling Women

Photo credit: Margot Trudell


Written by Amy C
Amy Chan is the Founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, a retreat that takes a scientific and spiritual approach to healing the heart. Marie Claire calls her "A relationship expert whose work is like that of a scientific Carrie Bradshaw" and her company has been featured across national media including Good Morning America, Vogue, Glamour, Nightline along with the front page of The New York Times. Her book, Breakup Bootcamp - The Science of Rewiring Your Heart, published by Harper Collins, will be released Fall 2020. Profile

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15 Replies to “5 Reasons Why You’re Repelling Men”

  1. Can you tell us how you could not do it? I basically do half of each one. You mess with outfits and stuff sometimes, but most of the time you are fine with just wearing a sweatshirt. Also, what if someone you know acts perfectly according to these rules. She’s kind, interesting and she doesn’t care about how she looks. You know that she isn’t perfect, but she seems so in an imperfect way? I know that was weird, but…..

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