Fear vs Love

“Your actions are birthed from a place of fear or a place of  love. If you do something that is fear based,...

Written by Amy C · 2 min read >
Fear vs Love - Heart Hackers Club - fear vs love - Text

“Your actions are birthed from a place of fear or a place of  love. If you do something that is fear based, even if it is diguised at first, it’s darkness will eventually show up somewhere down the road.” – AA

I found these words very interesting and true – when we do something – what is the real intention behind it? When you give to someone – whether that be a gift, your energy or your words – is it from a place of sincerity, of no expectations… of love? Or, when you dig deeper, is it actually because you want to be liked or accepted, or expect something in return?

First, let’s talk about the act of giving. I consider myself an extremely generous and giving person and I admit, that at various times in my life, I have given (with the delusion that the act was coming from a pure place), when really, it was calculated or with condition. In other words, the act was fear based. And at the end, I would feel “taken” from, even victimized, if the energy/favour wasn’t reciprocated in return.

I’ve learned that there is a lot of joy and fulfillment that comes from the form of giving that comes from a place of love and sincerity. Meaning, whether that be the initiation of communication, a gift or an act of service – you hold no expectation of what follows afterwards. You don’t feel fulfilled from what they give back or how they react – you feel fulfilled because you know you helped or made someone feel a little more at ease, cared for or loved in some way. That, which is an act that is love based never comes with the feeling of being “jipped” afterwards nor result in pain.

In no way am I saying that one should keep giving to energy vampires, constant takers or those who encompass a conflicting value set in regards to generosity and sharing. Nor am I saying that you should not be selective with who you share your energy with. I believe that those who cannot give love are unable to truly receive it. It is like giving to a bottomless pit or an insatiable appetite that is always hungry for more. I believe in being kind to others, perfect strangers included, but when it involves investing a substantial part of your heart, soul and energy, know that when you are depleted, you lack the resources needed for your own self nourishment. If you do give a part of you –whatever form that may take – and you feel taken advantage of, victimized or “ripped off” – ask yourself truthfully what place that act really came from.

Next, I’d like to talk about control – which is a major ingredient in many acts and decisions we choose to make. I think often, control is mistakenly equated to empowerment. I am not referring to the kind of control in terms of self discipline, leadership, etc. I’m talking about the dark, ugly kind of control. The kind that is rooted in insecurity, which again, is based in fear. And out of that Pandora’s Box, is where jealousy and the “need” to exert power over another is born. You see this in many relationships – where lack of trust, faith and security creates a power struggle, an off-balance and a blockage of flow.

We all have insecurities, it’s a part of being human, but we can either let those insecurities rule us or not. The more you try to mask your insecurity by exerting a contrived sense of control, the more insecurity and fear based your actions become. Next time before you make a conscious decision that involves another being, ask yourself truthfully, if it is fear based or love based. Call it karma, call it the unspoken laws of the universe, but at some point, in some shape or form, love will breed love, and negativity and breed negativity.

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Written by Amy C
Amy Chan is the Founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, a retreat that takes a scientific and spiritual approach to healing the heart. Marie Claire calls her "A relationship expert whose work is like that of a scientific Carrie Bradshaw" and her company has been featured across national media including Good Morning America, Vogue, Glamour, Nightline along with the front page of The New York Times. Her book, Breakup Bootcamp - The Science of Rewiring Your Heart, published by Harper Collins, will be released Fall 2020. Profile
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2 Replies to “Fear vs Love”

  1. Hi Amy, I read this piece in 24Hours on Jan 6th, and I thought it captured a lot of enduring truths. Thank you! Please do continue with your “think pieces”. – John

  2. Hey, Cindee Ng referred me to this page..and I have to say I love it! Print it out as a reminded =]

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