Love is loving yourself first, because only then do you have the capability of loving another fully and truly.
Love is nourishing your body and making your health a priority. Because when you’re sick, it’s the people around you that suffer the most. Because you want to be able to grow old and maximize your time on earth being a partner, a parent and a friend.
Love is feeding your soul and emotional well being on a consistent basis. When you don’t express your emotions, allow yourself to feel, or neglect finding solace in activities that calm you, you build toxins. These toxins can turn in to poison inside your body, which eventually lead to demons. These demons are what will overpower you in times of weakness. Love is being proactive to not get to that tipping point, so you don’t have to put yourself and the people you love through the consequences.
Love is making decisions for the good of your relationship. It is being relentless in removing the people who affect you negatively and bring out the worst in you. It is choosing to surround yourself with those who bring out the best in you, so that you can be a better person. When you let dark energy from bad company keep you, it will also harm your partner.
Love is appreciating and being thankful everyday for the person you have, and treating them with consideration, care and thoughtfulness. You do not have to wait until you lose them to know this. Practicing giving and appreciation is what you do on a daily basis, not when it’s gotten to the point of a problem.
Love is making decisions for “we”. It’s having the forethought and consideration to know that anything that is going on with you, any problem, any success – is also happening to your partner.
Love is creating contexts and situations that never jeopardize your unity or values.
Love is understanding that we are human, and with that, comes insecurities, weaknesses, and irresistible temptations. Instead of denying them, you are strategic and mindful to not put yourself in situations where those weaknesses can control you or overpower you.
Love is being the best person you can be, every day. It is waking up and making the choice to act and live with love, honesty, loyalty, selflessness and commitment.
Love is being realistic about relationships. Knowing that there are ebbs and flows, and some ebbs may feel like the end of the world. But because you honor the love and bond, you do what it takes to work through the rough spots. And if even at the end it means you can’t be together, at least you tried to the best of your ability.
Love is working hard and putting that extra amount of effort, even when you’re feeling lazy or tired. It is about being proactive versus reactive.
Love is to choose acting with love over fear, even when you are in pain, even when you hurt. It is acting with dignity and grace regardless of how angry or upset you may be.
Love is being the greatest partner, friend, lover, teacher, student, companion, parent, person – you could possibly be. Because when you are at your greatest, you bring out the greatness in others as well.
Love is forgiving.
Love is wanting the best for your partner, even if that sometimes means to let them go.
Photo credit: Ani Bee
Lesson of Heartbreak
Hi Amy,
What a beautiful definition of love…. May I ask… How would you define masculinity?
-Steven
Hi Steven – you mean to define what it means to be a man?
This is my definition.
A man is someone who decides to live a life according to a set of principles that are rooted in decency, love, and courage. He may make mistakes, but he learns from them, and does everything in his power to be a better man every time he falls. He cares for others, he supports others, he makes his family feel safe and looked after. He has the courage to be strong, but also the courage to be vulnerable and open.
That is beautiful Amy. You are a very articulate woman. I wanna chat with you.
Send me a note via email and I will give you my definition.
-Steven
By the way, I own a research consulting firm and a social prayer start-up.
This post is beautiful and every word means something. I only wish more people can open up to this and learn from it. I know many can’t and it may take time but it takes a certain level of awareness to start. Surround yourself with only what can bring the best out of you is so true. Surrounding yourself with toxins is the easy way out and is for the weak.
I love how you defined love, so transparent and honest.
Most people believe that love are those things that couples repeat to each other at the alter, but I believe the same as you that if that person doesn’t bring out the best in you; then that cannot be love that you’re feeling. Perhaps it’s just an illusion of that.
Hi this is my first visit to your site after reading your column in the 24 hr and it sounded so like a summation of the learning of MY life now that it grows closer to a close.
Love is spirit – if a relationship doesn’t connect within it may not last. It is said that more than love the soul wants growth. The ultimate growth is to discover that non judgemental space beyond the earth’s duality of right and wrong – but here I am being an authority when life is always ongoing curiosity and exploration, trial and error and maybe a leap into the unknown. Love. Not the kind I was hoping for. Not the physical cuddly kind I wanted, that wasn’t in the plan i quess. At least not until I had learned what i did. Now? maybe?
My question is how does one love another once you begin to suspect or have strong evidence “other” doesn’t exist. I keep getting tangled in that and to think I started over 60 years ago doing all the wrong things.
Charyl,
Thank you so much for reading and for taking the time to share your thoughtful comment. It is definitely a challenge to step away from ‘right’ and ‘wrong’. As I grow older and have more experience, I’m definitely learning that my previous definition of “love” as the cuddly, butterflies-in-stomach, “love will prevail all” idealism is not realistic.
I believe there are many different forms and stages of love. I also believe you can love many, but choosing one partner to commit to is something other than just “love”.
Beautiful definition!!
Sometimes, we don’t care who is close to us, in the bus, skytrain, anywhere. We need to show love and respect each other; just to be a better person, just to be kind. Show love.
Love this article a lot. It makes a lot of sense. I am going through a very rough patch in life and I am losing faith in love and becoming cynical about relationships. This article helped to put things into perspective and reminded me why I fell in love in a first place. We all need a reminder like this from time to time…
Hi Dillon,
I can understand what you’re going through. It’s normal to feel a lot of pain, anger, resentment and a loss of hope when you experience a loss, betrayal or ending. However, if you can, try to remember the good, and not just focus on the bad. It’s easy for us when we feel slighted to bury all the good memories and relive the bad ones, but this is not healthy – for anyone.
Perhaps a good exercise would be to write down all the good things you remember about your partner. I think after, you will find that your heart will feel light.
Sending you my empathy, care and support.