Pick Up Lines – Do They Work?

Meeting people IRL has become much harder during the pandemic, but figuring out how to open a conversation with someone who sparks your interest is still important.

So the question is, pick up line or no pick up line?

I had a fun conversation with Chris Voss, Author of Never Split the Difference and former FBI Hostage Negotiator. He (half jokingly) said an opening line is “Have you given up on finding the man of your dreams?”

I LOL’d. You can see the snippet here:

So the short answer is NO.

No to pick up lines. And here’s why.

If you’re approaching a woman who you don’t know, chances are, she’s been approached before. Her automatic reaction is more likely to be cautious. She might be unsure if the interaction is safe and question the intentions of the person approaching her is. If you open with a pick-up line, before she even gives it a thought, her mind will access all the other times she’s had people try to pick her up (which is likely negative), and put you in the same bucket. You’ve already been labelled before you’ve had a chance to prove otherwise.

It takes time for a woman to process if there’s a romantic attraction

Let’s be honest, unless you’re oozing George Clooney vibes, the woman you’re approaching might not lock eyes with you and have her soul mate alarm bells start ringing. Sometimes, it takes time for her to cognitively process if there’s a romantic attraction. If you start right away with a pick up line, she might feel pressured, and go straight to a NO. There hasn’t been any rapport built or trust developed in the conversation.

Do this instead

When you’re interested in someone, remember – don’t go from zero to 100. You don’t go from being perfect strangers to ‘yes let’s go on a date’ in a minute. Focus on the first step – which is build connection/commonality. This could be making a comment on the book they’re reading, or if you just went to a conference, ask a question about what speaker was most impactful. Get creative and find some common ground to spark the conversation. That’s the first step – find common ground to create connection.

After there’s been some conversation and banter, and she realizes that you’re sincere, and not a dangerous predator, access if she’s having fun in the conversation. Again, she might not know if she’s romantically into you, but you can tell if she’s enjoying conversing with you. Look at her body language, is her feet pointing towards you? Are her shoulders pointing towards you? Is she leaning in? Is she asking questions back to you or only replying with short, yes/no answers (if the latter, she’s not interested).

If she’s giving green lights (open body language, engaging in conversation, laughing, etc), then ask her for her contact information. That can look like this:

Hey, I’ve really enjoyed chatting with you. Would you be open to continuing our conversation, perhaps over coffee sometime? What’s your phone number?

Also, remember – don’t DRAG out your conversation. End it on a high note. If you’re getting along, building rapport, don’t keep talking away until it gets weird. The first point of connection is only to spark curiosity and interest. When you’ve done that, end the conversation on a high note and leave her wanting more!

Hope this helps. Let me know how it goes!