When you experience a breakup or heartache, it is easy to focus on everything that went wrong. Your mind plays every disappointment and argument like a movie reel. Suddenly you have selective memory, and forget that there was once a time when the relationship was filled with love and joy.
It is natural for one to feel this way during a time of distress and pain. However, this way of thinking doesn’t serve you, or your healing process. As much as you may not be able to see it in the moment, there is a reason and a lesson every relationship brings. Sometimes, the relationship reveals your patterns and habits and gives you an opportunity to grow. Sometimes, things end because the fit or timing just wasn’t right. That’s nobody’s fault, it just is. As painful as it may be, try to understand that your partner was trying the best he/she could, just like you were.
After a breakup, it can feel like you’ve taken a few steps backwards. But in the grand scheme of things, this is your opportunity to grow and move forward. You can either choose to become a healthier individual so that you can attract an even healthier partner, or, you can choose the road of cynicism and resentment.
An exercise that can help you get out of the blame, hate and anger mode, is to take a moment and reflect on the good. Write down a list of all the happy memories you’ve shared with your partner. Write down in detail, the moments where he/she did something that made you feel loved, safe, supported and cared for. You may be surprised with how many positive moments you can recall.
And, when your mind wanders and starts to feel angry and hateful thoughts, go back into your happy memory bank, and remember the positive moments. It will instantly kill the negative thought. You may find that you feel lighter afterward.
Being resentful, sad and angry is a natural part of the grieving process. However, left feeling like that too long, and you can harm your road to healing and recovery. It’s easier said than done, but if you try to act with love instead of fear, you always end up winning.
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