Recently, I wrote a post on “The 11 Difference Between Dating a Boy vs a Man“. The post can have the genders swapped and most points would still apply. However, we can’t deny that there are some fundamental differences between men and women – from how we are socialized to the chemical and hormonal differences that naturally occur. Thus, I thought it appropriate to follow up with a post on the difference between dating a girl, vs a woman. Again, many points on this post would apply if you switched the genders around.
A boy is attracted to girls. A man is attracted to women. Now, this has nothing to do with the actual age of a person. I’m referring to maturity, life vision and stage of life. In fact, some people regardless of their age, will never really grow up. Also, this isn’t to say that a woman won’t ever have “girlish” or immature tendencies or vice versa. This post refers to one’s maturity and most points would also apply if you switch the genders as well.
If you are a boy, then expect that you will attract only girls. However, if you are a man (independent, knows your worth and value, has a strong moral compass, is considerate and an able communicator and doesn’t let insecurity dominate your psyche), then you should be dating a woman. And if you can’t spot the difference just yet, here are some pointers on the differences between dating a boy vs a man.
1. A girl throws tantrums. When displeased, upset or angry, she reacts just as she did as a child when she didn’t get her way with her parents. This often consists of screaming, pouting, giving the silent treatment, being passive aggressive and/or punishing. A woman still feels the emotions of being upset/displeased, but has cultivated the skill of responding versus reacting. She comes to the table as an adult, and communicates clearly what is bothering her.
2. A girl perceives herself as a princess and believes people should treat her like so. She is entitled and feels that she is owed and therefore expects more than she appreciates. A woman, has standards (what she holds herself to) not expectations (what she projects on to others).
3. A girl uses her physical beauty as her currency and basis of value. A girl may be so used to feeling validated through her looks and sexuality, that she uses this as her primary tool to get what she wants in life. A woman, knows her worth is beyond her physicality. A woman bases her value on her intelligence, her strength, her integrity, her values, her contributions, her humanity.
4. A girl banks on a man to be her financial strategy. A woman plans to be financially independent – she banks on… herself. And if she so happens to enter a relationship dynamic where it makes sense for her partner to be the primary breadwinner, it’s considered a bonus, not the expected life line.
5. A girl sees the world from a place of lack and scarcity. She competes and will even tear down another in order to secure resources or a mate. A woman helps other women. She knows that there’s plenty enough to go around and takes the high road of integrity to get what she wants.
6. A girl cannot be bothered with anything domestic and is proud of the fact that she cannot cook or clean. A woman understands that being domestic is not a duty, but understands that it is one way of taking care of herself and others. She also understands that in the event she wants to create a family, having a person in the household who can contribute domestically is important.
7. “A girl wants attention, a woman wants respect. A girl wants to be adored by many. A woman wants to be adored by one.” -anonymous
8. A girl does not respect her body. She has not yet understood that her body and heart are sacred, and that it’s important to be mindful of how she treats it and who she shares it with. “A girl cherishes handbags, diamonds and her shoe collection as her prize possessions. A woman cherishes her health, her sense of self, and her talents as her greatest assets.” – N. Mah
9. A woman takes the time to reflect on the type of human she wants to be, the example she wants to leave and the vision for her life. She has put thought into her values and what she stands for. A girl has not established her moral compass or values and consequently, is often inconsistent. “After spending time with a girl, you feel exhausted because she takes more than she gives. After spending time with a woman, you feel invigorated, because she empowers you with possibility, and a passion for life.” – N. Mah
10. A girl has a checklist that prioritizes superficial qualities above anything else. Here is an example of how this checklist may look: Hot, popular, wears skinny jeans, over 6 feet tall, rich.. This is the checklist of what a woman may look for: High integrity, intelligent, kind, good communicator, emotionally available…
Now, a lot of these differences require taking the time to know someone to figure out if the apple of your eye is indeed a mature woman, or someone with an immature mindset. However, one of the quickest filters that you can notice from the beginning is this:
11. A girl plays games. A woman doesn’t.
[infobox bg=”redlight” color=”black” opacity=”on” subtitle=”Nadia Mah”]A girl jumps from one social circle to another, making fast friends that don’t last. A woman values her deep friendships and nurtures that bond with time, gratitude, energy and thoughtfulness.[/infobox]
Photo credit: Daniele Martinie
To learn more about how to change old relationship patterns, and how to create healthy ones, join my 2-hour Live Workshop on Sunday, April 25 where I’ll guide you step by step on how to become more secure in your attachment, manage emotions and our reactions to pain and create healthy relationships. Get your ticket here.
20 Things I Would Tell My 20-Year-Old Self
can’t agree more with #4
i promise myself i will only marry someone when i can consider myself financially independent. i don’t have to earn more than him, but enough for myself, in case things don’t work out between us, or if any unfortunate events happen to either one of us.
it’s important to be able to survive on our own two feet, instead of constantly having to be dependent on anyone.
It would have been a way more effective article if you put what a women is before what a girl is in every point because it makes it seem it’s about immature girls rather then strong women.
In the man article is states what a man is first before a boy and it a lot more empowering and effective.. Don’t know why thats changed in this article :s
the layout of this article seems to make 11 the focal point. however, i believe that games should not be forsaken completely. a little mutual/ playful game consisting of withholding and chasing do seem to enhance the relationship as long as it is essentially not ego-oriented/ destructively manipulative.
Have you noticed the major difference between the boy and the girl article?
In the male version, most of the pointers start with “A man is…” followed by a whole bunch of positive values and then the female version is “A girl is…” followed by a whole bunch of negatives that a woman shouldn’t do. So essentially what I learned from this is, that a valid, valued woman only exists through the negation of her past and while a man exists through actively building towards a better future and becoming a complete person.
Mindblown*
You’re right that the order is not the same. However I think that you are wrong in your conclusion. She only reversed the order. The same kind of information is there for both male and female.
So true. Plus I have a hard time agreeing with an article that still totes the notion that “sharing your body” is the most horrendous thing ever. There are women who sleep with many men, a few men, one man, no man. It has nothing to do with being juvenile.
true, its nothing juvenile, but would you date a “man” which sleeps with many girls?
would you have the assurance that a “woman” would want?
A girl tends to be pissed off when she hears a description of herself
i believe its written like that because she is a woman and learned what not to do from experience, and she writes what a man should do through observation.
THank you! That was the first thing I noticed too!
MTE. *sigh*
So in other words a “woman” and “man” is more of a boring person without any real personality other than conforming to society norms? Maturity isn’t based on working a 9-5. Also in this article it stated a girl dates someone for superficial reasons? Yet it turned around and said a woman dates a man for intelligence? Not everybody is intelligent, and most people have average intelligence. Also what is wrong including looks as a factor in a relationship? It’s important to be attracted to the person you’re dating in order to have a healthy sex life. Also “self respect”, who are you to define what self respect is? A woman can sleep with 500 men and still have respect for herself more than a so called “independent career woman”
Then to shame people for not being “independent” enough? Yes, sorry I am not a real woman because I do not know how to cook.
As far as how some people react to certain situations, perhaps try being a little more understand and realize the reason a woman may overreact to a situation could have something to do she may have a mental illness such as bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, anxiety disorder, aspergers, etc?
This article is sort of ignorant to the fact that everyone is different. Why are we advising people to all act and be the same in order to find true love?
In your other article, it also stated a boy wants girls who are hot, wild and exciting. I don’t know about the hot part, but god forbid people have different outlets of what they consider fun. Being a party person doesn’t make you immature, as long as you’re not getting behind the wheel after drinking, or acting like a complete idiot at the party.
Commitment? Not every man and woman out there is looking for a serious relationship and only want something casual.
I would honestly rather be a “girl” and stay true to myself as an individual, than be a “woman” and conform to such a unpleasant, boring lifestyle because at least I am happy with myself the way I currently am.
I understand that these articles are all opinion based, but the ignorance, hidden slut-shaming and how biased it is, is kind of off putting to say the least.
Mature, immature who cares. It’s not for you to define.
What I believe the article attempts to convey is that the difference between a girl and a woman is responsibility. A girl has no desire for the responsibilities that mark a truly adult life (committed relationships, independence via a career, taking care of others, learning to be a contribution rater than a burden). A girl has no sense of responsibility to her future self or family- no thought of how damaging sleeping around now may be to a future relationship or to her future health for that matter, no thought of how her children will view her (and her past) as a role model. A girl has no self control, particularly with her emotions and communication. A girl is foolish, having no idea what she really wants or what’s best for her or her future and rejecting wisdom from people who have already moved beyond her life stage.
On the other hand, a mature woman recognizes the value of contributing, rather than taking; a mature knows that real love is about giving, not getting. She realizes that the intimacy and trust in a committed relationship fulfills more than all of the wild, “hot” flings in the world ever could. She has self-control, not wanting to create regrets or hurt others in moments of strong emotions, and a desire for gleaning wisdom.
A mature woman will attract a mature man- one who will take care of her and love her and cherish her like a jewel.
Great, thoughtful response. Thank you for reading and for your comment.
Ah, you my friend are a typical girl. Just by reading parts of your comments, you sound insulted by the article.
“As far as how some people react to certain situations, perhaps try being a little more understand and realize the reason a woman may overreact to a situation could have something to do she may have a mental illness such as bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, anxiety disorder, aspergers, etc?”
A child indulges their mental illness and refuses to seek treatment and get better, denies their agency, and blames others for not accepting their disordered behaviour.
An adult does not use generalised anxiety disorder as an excuse to throw a temper tantrum, Asperger’s as an excuse to be sadistic and cruel to other’s feelings, or bipolar disorder to indulge delusions and max out their credit cards on a manic spree.
Children don’t know how to cook. Adults know how to acquire food, cook it, and feed themselves, their friends, and their families.
Mature adults get to define what “mature” and “immature” is.
Signed,
Yours truly, who has close friends, family members, and significant others who have battled and overcome major mental illness, and a few who didn’t.
Completely valid points. The article is not referring to people with mental illness. The article is referring to people who are fully capable of making choices in life to be thoughtful, considerate, mature and with integrity.
I totally agree with You Aradia!
After reading this article i had a feeling that all girls a bad and all womans are good. But in my personal experience often was opposite, young girls had better heart and life purposes than ”womans”.
It’s a good article, but more about good and bad female in general.
Is this like a High School Girl or something?
Also, why was the picture of the article on “Boy vs. Man” a man in suit, whereas, the “Girl vs. Woman” was a lady in lingerie with fake eyelashes?
Sadly, there are many male love having a women as their wives but love to sleep with girls. That’s the fact! It’s hard to be a female, must think and act like a woman, but look like a girl, good in bed like a ho. So yeah basically that’s the crude fact.
Those males you speak of are boys, who lack the responsibility of mature men (in a non-polygamous society to be precise).
I think the main difference between boy-man and girl-woman that’s highlighted here is the presence/absence of wisdom, maturity and responsibility in their life, which can be easily seen in their actions.
Well said. =)
Interesting article. You have summed up in 11 points the issues I’ve had with the previous two people I’ve dated.
The question is where to find a woman instead of a girl? 🙂