Recently, I wrote a post on “The 11 Difference Between Dating a Boy vs a Man“. The post can have the genders swapped and most points would still apply. However, we can’t deny that there are some fundamental differences between men and women – from how we are socialized to the chemical and hormonal differences that naturally occur. Thus, I thought it appropriate to follow up with a post on the difference between dating a girl, vs a woman. Again, many points on this post would apply if you switched the genders around.
A boy is attracted to girls. A man is attracted to women. Now, this has nothing to do with the actual age of a person. I’m referring to maturity, life vision and stage of life. In fact, some people regardless of their age, will never really grow up. Also, this isn’t to say that a woman won’t ever have “girlish” or immature tendencies or vice versa. This post refers to one’s maturity and most points would also apply if you switch the genders as well.
If you are a boy, then expect that you will attract only girls. However, if you are a man (independent, knows your worth and value, has a strong moral compass, is considerate and an able communicator and doesn’t let insecurity dominate your psyche), then you should be dating a woman. And if you can’t spot the difference just yet, here are some pointers on the differences between dating a boy vs a man.
1. A girl throws tantrums. When displeased, upset or angry, she reacts just as she did as a child when she didn’t get her way with her parents. This often consists of screaming, pouting, giving the silent treatment, being passive aggressive and/or punishing. A woman still feels the emotions of being upset/displeased, but has cultivated the skill of responding versus reacting. She comes to the table as an adult, and communicates clearly what is bothering her.
2. A girl perceives herself as a princess and believes people should treat her like so. She is entitled and feels that she is owed and therefore expects more than she appreciates. A woman, has standards (what she holds herself to) not expectations (what she projects on to others).
3. A girl uses her physical beauty as her currency and basis of value. A girl may be so used to feeling validated through her looks and sexuality, that she uses this as her primary tool to get what she wants in life. A woman, knows her worth is beyond her physicality. A woman bases her value on her intelligence, her strength, her integrity, her values, her contributions, her humanity.
4. A girl banks on a man to be her financial strategy. A woman plans to be financially independent – she banks on… herself. And if she so happens to enter a relationship dynamic where it makes sense for her partner to be the primary breadwinner, it’s considered a bonus, not the expected life line.
5. A girl sees the world from a place of lack and scarcity. She competes and will even tear down another in order to secure resources or a mate. A woman helps other women. She knows that there’s plenty enough to go around and takes the high road of integrity to get what she wants.
6. A girl cannot be bothered with anything domestic and is proud of the fact that she cannot cook or clean. A woman understands that being domestic is not a duty, but understands that it is one way of taking care of herself and others. She also understands that in the event she wants to create a family, having a person in the household who can contribute domestically is important.
7. “A girl wants attention, a woman wants respect. A girl wants to be adored by many. A woman wants to be adored by one.” -anonymous
8. A girl does not respect her body. She has not yet understood that her body and heart are sacred, and that it’s important to be mindful of how she treats it and who she shares it with. “A girl cherishes handbags, diamonds and her shoe collection as her prize possessions. A woman cherishes her health, her sense of self, and her talents as her greatest assets.” – N. Mah
9. A woman takes the time to reflect on the type of human she wants to be, the example she wants to leave and the vision for her life. She has put thought into her values and what she stands for. A girl has not established her moral compass or values and consequently, is often inconsistent. “After spending time with a girl, you feel exhausted because she takes more than she gives. After spending time with a woman, you feel invigorated, because she empowers you with possibility, and a passion for life.” – N. Mah
10. A girl has a checklist that prioritizes superficial qualities above anything else. Here is an example of how this checklist may look: Hot, popular, wears skinny jeans, over 6 feet tall, rich.. This is the checklist of what a woman may look for: High integrity, intelligent, kind, good communicator, emotionally available…
Now, a lot of these differences require taking the time to know someone to figure out if the apple of your eye is indeed a mature woman, or someone with an immature mindset. However, one of the quickest filters that you can notice from the beginning is this:
11. A girl plays games. A woman doesn’t.
[infobox bg=”redlight” color=”black” opacity=”on” subtitle=”Nadia Mah”]A girl jumps from one social circle to another, making fast friends that don’t last. A woman values her deep friendships and nurtures that bond with time, gratitude, energy and thoughtfulness.[/infobox]
Photo credit: Daniele Martinie
To learn more about how to change old relationship patterns, and how to create healthy ones, join my 2-hour Live Workshop on Sunday, April 25 where I’ll guide you step by step on how to become more secure in your attachment, manage emotions and our reactions to pain and create healthy relationships. Get your ticket here.
20 Things I Would Tell My 20-Year-Old Self
“6. A girl cannot be bothered with anything domestic and is proud of the fact that she cannot cook or clean.”
I mean really? That’s way too specific to be applied generally. Lots of girls cook and clean, this is more about the way the person was raised. And lots of women cook and clean and are actually girls because they think that’s where their self-worth is in keeping a man. And number 4? Come on, that only applies to certain types of girls. When you’re young is when you’re often the most naive about love and let guys take advantage of you. You don’t think ahead about what the other person can offer you. It’s unfair to say that about girls. So all girls are gold diggers. SMH
Regarding number 8, why do you make a point of stating that a girl is one who doesn’t “respect her body” and thus, isn’t particularly choosy of who she shares it with but you make no such distinction in the difference between a boy and a man? This is just another example of slut-shaming. If we, as a society, are to tell women to respect their bodies by not sleeping with too many men (or whatever arbitrary number it may be), why don’t we hold men to the same standards?
I think MEN are held to the same standard. The same principle applies with girls vs. women as it does boys vs. men.
MEN are held to the same standard. A woman doesn’t like a slut, no more than a man does.
I would consider myself a ‘woman’ and I DO NOT date sluts. A slut male will have just as a hard of a time finding a quality woman as much as a slut female.
I don’t think that all girls have superficial values. They may be more immature, more naive, but not all react the way that it’s mentioned in this post. And about number 11, the fast way of differentiating between girls and women, playing games is NOT a criteria. There are female persons who have what you call the concepts of a woman, but who enjoy playing games. These have nothing to do with what you expect from life, it’s just a way of having fun and a way to relax. 🙂
I think playing games was meant to be taken figuratively not literally. As in, playing mind games. There’s nothing fun or relaxing about it for both parties.
This entire article is odd, a little disgusting, and a lot extremist. By that I mean that it ignores, other than a throw away comments, all shades of grey. People (both sexes) do not achieve maturity so rapidly as to transition from your stereotypes of boy/girl to your utopian vision of man/woman so as to not have varying degrees of comfort with the qualities of each.
I also agree with other comments about the slut-shaming (disguised in “concern”) in point 8. Celibacy or monogamy do not absolutely equate to maturity any more than promiscuity and overt sexuality equate to immaturity. BY ITSELF, recognition of this core fact by the male gender in regards to women could update gender relations by leaps and bounds.
If this is satire, then I give it a 7/10. If not, then maybe you could tweak it to be so…
What I see here (and I have copied and pasted this on the comment sections in both articles), is that the main problem with the article is not just the extremes between Men & Boys/Women & Girls, but the presence of negativity towards, in terms of maturity, in a person being a Boy or a Girl. The fact is everyone matures differently, and lots of those differences are heavily allowed by – or rather- are the result of social growth and family environment ( or lack there of). Additionally, a person’s private and publicly social environment sets the conditions for a person to mature in different areas of their life in a given situation— those diffrent areas lends themselves in making up the complexities of a person’s unique growth in character. However, this article does not cover those factors in maturity, while being overly critical of the “boy/girl” levels of immaturity. Of course being a man or woman and dating some one on your maturity level would be beneficial… if you indeed want to date someone of that maturity level, and if you yourself are indeed at that level too. Moreover, this article’s language makes too many assumptions that negatively reflect the immaturity of a boy/girl, while assigning too many specific, subject characteristics to the “Boy/Girl” level. The truth is that both, again in terms of maturity, Men/Women & Boys/Girl possess both good and bad qualities of maturity, especially in the dating realm; social hardships, financial difficulties, emotional development, these are all factors that can make a person mature in one aspect of the lives, opposed to another. For instance, a girl/boy can play games, but may be because that’s the only way they were ever taught, or knew to measure the worth of a mate, yet love cooking, cleaning and holding themselves to high standards in other social realams outside of dating; likewise, when evaluating colleges, professional standards, financial securities, a boy/girl can show the same of level of adeptness as a fully grown and mature person.
I don’t really understand why people seem to be looking at each rule as “I dont have this! It must be wrong!” The article clearly states that 1) Any woman can have girlish tendencies (same with guys), so not every person adheres to every rule 2) These rules can apply to both genders. All this article truely states is that a woman is someone who respects herself, plans for her future, plans for independence, and can easily take care of herself. And, in general terms, that’s exactly what the boys v. men article says. And lastly, these are 11 generalized rules. It is not a well-researched and cited thesis, so stop treating it as such.
Thank you for your comment. It appears that some people are taking the points personally and are angry. This is an article with my opinions, not a personal attack on men and women out there. I’m in no way saying every human being must have all the things listed in this piece. I am only human and I sometimes have girlish tendencies and have acted immaturely too. For the ones who get soooo angry, it makes me wonder what is going on with them internally?
I thought your article for both sexes was succinct and on point. Obviously no person is a total boy or a total girl or a total man or a total woman so you had no purpose in stating it. People get upset for no reason and write angry comments that have little if any relation to the content of your article.
Girls get bothered by this article and take it personally. Women will face and accept the truth and understand that it’s all generally true.
This could also be titled
“The 11 Differences Between Befriending A Girl And A Woman.”
The same qualities I look for in a man are the same qualities I look for in girlfriends. It’s all about quality before quantity.
Girls, do yourself a favor and start acting like women.
Let me guess who wrote this article…..some middle aged spinster.
Actually, I’m not a middle aged spinster. I’m 31, have a pretty awesome life, a good community and help youth and women on a daily basis.