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The 11 Differences Between Dating an Asian Guy vs a Caucasian Guy

There are many myths and stereotypes when it comes to dating asian guys. Some are completely outlandish and some are, well, a...

Written by Amy C · 5 min read >
The 11 Differences Between Dating an Asian Guy vs a Caucasian Guy - Heart Hackers Club -  - 2046

There are many myths and stereotypes when it comes to dating asian guys. Some are completely outlandish and some are, well, a little more spot on. Multiple articles and studies discuss how cultural stereotypes of Asian men may make them less attractive to women of all races, including Asians.

In the book Freakonomics, one study showed that single Asians (male)  had to make $247,000 more annually to receive the same response rate as White men on online dating sites. Ouch. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 40% of Asian females will marry a non-Asian male, whereas 20% of Asian males will marry a non-Asian female. This frustration is not being taken lightly. In fact, there’s even a website which acts as a forum for asian men reclaiming their “asianalitiy” – and they are pissed that their potential asian wives are shacking up with non-asians. On another website, one Asian male expresses: “It’s definitely harder for an Asian male to date a white female than for Asian females to date white males. Asian males are not portrayed as masculine, whereas Asian females are stereotyped as submissive, exotic.” What gives?!

The good news for Asian males is that as online dating is becoming less and less taboo, there are a lot more asian dating sites ready to help make meeting potential matches easier. White, black, yellow – really, one’s ethnicity shouldn’t make a difference as we are all part of the human race. No argument there. However, keep in mind that there are certain cultural differences that come to play that shape a person’s mentality, values, ideas of what a relationship dynamic should look like, and subsequently, their behaviour. And because of this, sometimes, there is some truth to the cultural differences of people raised with diverse upbringings. So I’m here today to dispel (or confirm) some of those myths, but only according to my own experience. Before you make any accusations of me making sweeping generalizations, note that my points here are completely biased according to my own sample size. Here goes…

Myth 1: Asian guys fight for the bill. True. When the dinner cheque arrives at the table, the Asian guy will swoop in like a properly trained ninja and attack the dinner cheque before you can even do that “reach” for your wallet. This swift technique is an ancient move passed on by his ancestors – a learned behavior through many many years watching his parents challenge their opponents to who gets to the cheque first. White guys are much more laid back and are happy to carry on the conversation for another 30 minutes while the check is laying on the table; some are even willing to go dutch to further showcase their support towards gender equality.

Myth 2: Asian guys are lightweights. True. Look, it’s an enzyme thing ok? When it comes to alcohol consumption, according to research, the ‘Asian Flush’ occurs due to a deficiency in an enzyme called aldehyde dehydrogenase, which is part of a vital process that digests alcohol. Headache, red flushing, even itchiness will occur after a few sips of alcohol. But, enzyme or no enzyme, don’t think this will deter an asian guy from schooling you in a drinking game though. Challenge him to a game of Pai Gow or Big 2 and he’ll drink you under the table.

Myth 3: Asian guys live with their parents. Depends. Ok, well until they’re married at least. Many asians brought up in a traditional upbringing (both men and women) choose to live at home with their parents until they get married. Asian culture emphasizes family and collectivity, so it is quite the norm to take care of your parents while living under the same roof. Also, living with a romantic partner pre-marriage is generally looked down upon, which is another reason why many asians wait until marriage to move out.

Myth 4: Asian guys have better manners. False. There are many behaviours that are emphasized in a traditional asian culture. With a big emphasis on “taking care” of those around you. For example, at the dinner table, it is a blasphemy to serve yourself food first and immediately start eating. You serve the person you are dining with first, and always offer the last bite. But while an Asian guy’s table manners may be impeccable, other “gentlemanly” behaviours like opening the car door, helping a lady put on her jacket, etc, are not lessons that parents typically focused on teaching. Thus, in my opinion it’s an even ball game.

Myth 5: Asian guys aren’t masculine. False. Unfortunately, we are influenced by what we see in the media whether we are conscious of it or not. Most depictions of Asian males in the popular media are not the same as their Caucasian counterparts. The odd Jackie Chan movie as the exception, you hardly see the Asian guy as hunky, masculine star of the show.  Whereas in the 19th century, Asian men were portrayed at the other extreme in the 19th century: sexually dangerous and desirable. The stereotype that Asian men aren’t masculine exists in a large part because of how they are portrayed in the media, not necessarily because that’s actually reflective of reality.

Myth 6: Asian guys aren’t good at expressing emotions. Depends. In Asian culture, males are not encouraged to be expressive with their emotions. Crying is seen as weakness. For example, when a boy gets hurt and starts crying, it’s not rare to see the parents scold the child for crying. Because this is engrained at such an early age, this may cause some Asian men to continue withholding emotion as they grow up. It’s rare to hear traditional Asian parents say “I love you” to their children. It’s not rare for Asian kids  to grow up on the receiving end of dictator-esque verbal instructions and scoldings. Parents educate and try to push their children to work harder and achieve more by using negative language versus complimentary language. A study conducted by China Daily interviewed a cross-section of people to see if they said “I love you” to their parents. Many people interviewed had never said those three words, and one 56-year old commenting “Saying it aloud is embarrassing for me.” Of course, even in an upbringing where being emotionally expressive is not encouraged, one can still learn how to communicate feelings despite the odds. So in the case of this stereotype, it really depends on the person.

Myth 7: Asian guys aren’t romantic. False. Sure, an Asian guy will think bubble tea is a perfectly acceptable venue for a first date. Nothing wrong with that! Asian guys will almost always say “Yes” to dessert as a date spot. Think crepes with fruit compote or shaved ice cream, their way of romanticizing the occasion involves making the girl happy first before letting themselves pick a place that might suit their own taste. If you see an Asian male holding on to his beau’s shopping bags or Louis Vuitton purse, that doesn’t means he’s “whipped”, he’s just being helpful. It may sound cliché and completely unmasculine, but in Asian culture, the men are raised to always offer comfort for the female, making sure that they are provided and cared for. That’s their idea of romance. Swoon.

Myth 8: Asian guys seek their parent’s approval. True. Beware the tiger mom. When it comes to marriage prospects, Asian guys take into consideration the advice of his parents. It’s more common for a Caucasian male to independently pursue his desires without asking for anyone else’s approval. When one gets paired with an Asian man, however, you don’t just marry the man himself but you marry his family as well.

Myth 9: Asian guys never make the first move. False. Although Asian guys might take awhile to confess their undying love, but that’s only because they like to take it slow. And when they do, they want to be sure that she’s the one. Asian guys are taught by their traditional parents that in order for them to meet the right person, you must already be a successful individual with a lot to offer. You date to marry. Caucasian guys are told they are going to meet a lot of people first before finding the right one. See the difference?

Myth 10: Asian guys don’t like public display of affection. True. Traditional Asian parents show love through immense generosity, helping out financially, and feeding you 24/7. Hugs, cuddles and kisses however, not so much. In a culture where preserving “face” and appearances is of utmost importance, there is a major emphasis on always keeping your cool, being proper and composed. They might steal a kiss or two when no one’s looking, but in retrospect the Asian male would much rather prefer it behind closed doors. Whether it’s their demeanor towards the public eye, or how they choose privacy over strong lustful urges, it’s easy to assume Asian males are more conservative when it comes to showcasing their emotions. Theories explain that this dates back to the nature of Confucian teaching –  where displaying one’s emotions publicly is not encouraged.

Myth 11: Asian guys have small “packages”. False! And there’s been research in Nature that you can check out on your own.

 

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Written by Amy C
Amy Chan is the Founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, a retreat that takes a scientific and spiritual approach to healing the heart. Marie Claire calls her "A relationship expert whose work is like that of a scientific Carrie Bradshaw" and her company has been featured across national media including Good Morning America, Vogue, Glamour, Nightline along with the front page of The New York Times. Her book, Breakup Bootcamp - The Science of Rewiring Your Heart, published by Harper Collins, will be released Fall 2020. Profile
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250 Replies to “The 11 Differences Between Dating an Asian Guy vs a Caucasian Guy”

  1. I like Asian females I am a white guy. I’ll say it. Some Asian girls are interested in white guys. Some like Asian men. Both relationships are fine.
    Asian women your 2 best options are white guy or Asian guy.

    Some Asian guys this is your own fault. Stop blaming white men.
    It’s based on men 1st either way Asian or white

    If any guy is having trouble getting a girlfriend it’s his own fault.

    White men we focus better than many other types of guys.

  2. lol..so true. I never say “Love you” to my parents and they too. But I learn how to say that kind of words and now it’s better. I hope I could meet my true love someday whatever her race is.

  3. Although the author tries to dispel some of the myths and stereotypes of Asian men (thank you for that), I see she, in herself, inadvertently continues to spread the one stereotype regarding the size of the Asian male package. By choosing to include myth 11 in her list, but by admission choosing to not answer the question, either out of cuteness or trying to keep this article non R rated, she in fact, leaves the soft impression that the stereotype maybe true. If she chose not to answer this question, why even post it?

    This one particular stereotype was created to belittle and make the Asian man look inferior to the White man. The fact is, like all men in the world, the size of man’s package varies greatly from small to big, and thin to thick. It is not entirely based upon one’s racial background. There are plenty of Asians with huge packages as there are those with small ones, as there are Blacks and Whites with big or small ones. Though genetics play somewhat of a role, so does environment and diet.

    Am I personally sour because of this question? No, I’m actually well endowed. I just don’t like this stereotype as again it is a falsehood designed to further emasculate the Asian man when compared to their White counterparts. Even the myth of the Black man having a huge package was designed to be racist (but that one backfired, lol). I too have heard the comments growing up from both men and women as part of a racist pun or joke. Well, women have been pleasantly surprised when they find out the stereotype is a falsehood.

    1. Hi, another Asian man here.

      I personally didn’t think too much of #11, and I think its ambiguous enough to be equally interpreted in any direction. It could just as well mean that she’s found the stereotype to be not true at all and is just including #11 as a sly way of saying so without being explicit.

      Besides, if you look at more accurate modern statistics of package sizes, you’ll see that ethnicity doesn’t really affect size much. And if she’s been with Asian men herself, then my guess is that she confirmed this fact through experience.

  4. I think this article is so false. I am an Asian Male and public affection is no problem. Also saying that we dont Express our feelings??? maybe get to know some Asian people we dont show our feelings to strangers we keep it close to things we truly care for. But I do ask my parents for approval of things! But that does not mean I will say of you’re totally right I wont do it. That’s such a bias thing to say I’m 100% sure majority of the people do that regardless of their age. And the typical saying they pack a small package that’s too funny because every race has their size package.

    1. I too am an Asian male, and I’m not defending her or anything, but you can’t say an article is totally inaccurate over one point

  5. SW- Actually most stereotypes exist for a good reason. The problem is when people think a stereotype is 100% accurate. It of course isn’t, there will always be exceptions to a generalization or stereotype but that doesn’t mean the generalization or stereotype is wrong. For example Asian people are generally short. This is a fact, just because Yao Ming is a giant doesn’t mean it’s not true.

    Also when it comes to Penis size. Again the stereotype is true in the sense that on average Asian men have the smallest and whites have the 2nd biggest. Of course the difference isn’t by as much as it’s made out to be. It’s very slight. Although different none the less. I post a screen shot of the info on this but apparently you can’t upload files to these posts.

    1. Having read most scientific research regarding correlation between penis size and potential growth and height with race, conclusion, asians are the best. But the way, all these research is done by the West.

      Horrible or I should say purposeful depiction by Hollywood really brainwashed alot of people thinking whites are the best race in the world lol.

  6. The stereotype of Asian men being more feminine than other races exists for a good reason. Asian men have a harder time developing muscle, shorter on average, have a flatter face a more angler face is masculine, more passive and just have smaller more feminine features. Just look at the K-pop stars they could easily pass as girls if they grew their hair out. This of course doesn’t mean Asian guys can’t be attractive. Many people find K-pop stars to be attractive. Most women like a guy who has a mix of Masculine and feminine features anyways so just maximize your masculine features and Asian men will be fine. Namely work out a lot. Take supplements if you have to so you can grow muscle easier.

    1. Brian,

      You sound like you’ve never graduated high school. “People” like you are always trying to stir trouble by spewing such racist nonsense under the guise of politeness

    2. @Brian I think it is really telling that a white guy needs to come on to a site about asian men just to try to perpetuate the stereotypes. I points out just how insecure men get when they think about competing with asian men.

  7. I am posting the following comment as an Asian guy who happened to become intimately involved with a girl from Europe. Based on my experience:

    1. Q: ‘Asian guys fight for the bill’? A: Depends on the relative economic situations.

    2. Q: ‘Asian guys are lightweights’? A: Depends on each nationality. For example, South Korea is perhaps the heaviest drinking nation in Asia. Its neighbors like China and Japan do not come close.

    3. Q: ‘Asian guys live with their parents’? A: Depends on individual circumstances — both economic and relational.

    4. Q: ‘Asian guys have better manners’? A: Depends.

    5. Q: ‘Asian guys aren’t masculine’? A: What do you expect from your ideal ‘masculine’ men? Ladies, you must first define what you mean by the term ‘masculine’ you are using before proceeding.

    6. Q: ‘Asian guys aren’t good at expressing emotions’? A: Two problems — (1) From your point of view, what would constitute as adequate expression of emotions? (2) What KIND of responses would you expect as adequate or acceptable?

    7. Q: ‘Asian guys aren’t romantic’. A: NOT a single soul has a monopoly over what constitutes as romantic.

    8. Q: ‘Asian guys seek their parent’s approval’. A: Depends on individual circumstances — both economic and relational.

    9. Q: ‘Asian guys never make the first move’. A: Depends on individual circumstances — both economic and relational.

    10. Q: ‘Asian guys don’t like public display of affection’. A: Depends on the location. For example, if you were to openly kiss, hug, and even slip one of your hands into the nearest hip-pocket belonging to your significant other in San Francisco while casually walking together, then who cares? However, you would be advised to be more restrained if you were strolling together in Seoul.

  8. I am a caucasian women who’s been dating a chinese guy for over a year now.
    And I will comment on your #11 topic that you don’t wanna comment… haha

    That is not true. i’ve seen a lot of caucasian with a smaller package that my Asian man.

  9. It’s depend on an Asian guy! It’s not like all of them have a same traits! Don’t judge the book by its cover! Another Asian guy here

  10. We are all homo sapiens. The same species. We are anatomically correct and compatible in every way.

    Socially, we create constructs called culture and then create walls to justify the evils we engage in. There is no Physical barrier between Europe and Asia. It’s psychological.

    There’s an excellent National Geographic video about the DNA links between all races by Spencer Wells. For those that aren’t as educated in the sciences, it provides a good discussion to dispel all notions of racist sophistry.

    Like the movie: “The Man Who Loved Women” suggests, I’ve had intimate relations wirh every race and culture.

    Love and Let Love!

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