There are many myths and stereotypes when it comes to dating asian guys. Some are completely outlandish and some are, well, a little more spot on. Multiple articles and studies discuss how cultural stereotypes of Asian men may make them less attractive to women of all races, including Asians.
In the book Freakonomics, one study showed that single Asians (male) had to make $247,000 more annually to receive the same response rate as White men on online dating sites. Ouch. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 40% of Asian females will marry a non-Asian male, whereas 20% of Asian males will marry a non-Asian female. This frustration is not being taken lightly. In fact, there’s even a website which acts as a forum for asian men reclaiming their “asianalitiy” – and they are pissed that their potential asian wives are shacking up with non-asians. On another website, one Asian male expresses: “It’s definitely harder for an Asian male to date a white female than for Asian females to date white males. Asian males are not portrayed as masculine, whereas Asian females are stereotyped as submissive, exotic.” What gives?!
The good news for Asian males is that as online dating is becoming less and less taboo, there are a lot more asian dating sites ready to help make meeting potential matches easier. White, black, yellow – really, one’s ethnicity shouldn’t make a difference as we are all part of the human race. No argument there. However, keep in mind that there are certain cultural differences that come to play that shape a person’s mentality, values, ideas of what a relationship dynamic should look like, and subsequently, their behaviour. And because of this, sometimes, there is some truth to the cultural differences of people raised with diverse upbringings. So I’m here today to dispel (or confirm) some of those myths, but only according to my own experience. Before you make any accusations of me making sweeping generalizations, note that my points here are completely biased according to my own sample size. Here goes…
Myth 1: Asian guys fight for the bill. True. When the dinner cheque arrives at the table, the Asian guy will swoop in like a properly trained ninja and attack the dinner cheque before you can even do that “reach” for your wallet. This swift technique is an ancient move passed on by his ancestors – a learned behavior through many many years watching his parents challenge their opponents to who gets to the cheque first. White guys are much more laid back and are happy to carry on the conversation for another 30 minutes while the check is laying on the table; some are even willing to go dutch to further showcase their support towards gender equality.
Myth 2: Asian guys are lightweights. True. Look, it’s an enzyme thing ok? When it comes to alcohol consumption, according to research, the ‘Asian Flush’ occurs due to a deficiency in an enzyme called aldehyde dehydrogenase, which is part of a vital process that digests alcohol. Headache, red flushing, even itchiness will occur after a few sips of alcohol. But, enzyme or no enzyme, don’t think this will deter an asian guy from schooling you in a drinking game though. Challenge him to a game of Pai Gow or Big 2 and he’ll drink you under the table.
Myth 3: Asian guys live with their parents. Depends. Ok, well until they’re married at least. Many asians brought up in a traditional upbringing (both men and women) choose to live at home with their parents until they get married. Asian culture emphasizes family and collectivity, so it is quite the norm to take care of your parents while living under the same roof. Also, living with a romantic partner pre-marriage is generally looked down upon, which is another reason why many asians wait until marriage to move out.
Myth 4: Asian guys have better manners. False. There are many behaviours that are emphasized in a traditional asian culture. With a big emphasis on “taking care” of those around you. For example, at the dinner table, it is a blasphemy to serve yourself food first and immediately start eating. You serve the person you are dining with first, and always offer the last bite. But while an Asian guy’s table manners may be impeccable, other “gentlemanly” behaviours like opening the car door, helping a lady put on her jacket, etc, are not lessons that parents typically focused on teaching. Thus, in my opinion it’s an even ball game.
Myth 5: Asian guys aren’t masculine. False. Unfortunately, we are influenced by what we see in the media whether we are conscious of it or not. Most depictions of Asian males in the popular media are not the same as their Caucasian counterparts. The odd Jackie Chan movie as the exception, you hardly see the Asian guy as hunky, masculine star of the show. Whereas in the 19th century, Asian men were portrayed at the other extreme in the 19th century: sexually dangerous and desirable. The stereotype that Asian men aren’t masculine exists in a large part because of how they are portrayed in the media, not necessarily because that’s actually reflective of reality.
Myth 6: Asian guys aren’t good at expressing emotions. Depends. In Asian culture, males are not encouraged to be expressive with their emotions. Crying is seen as weakness. For example, when a boy gets hurt and starts crying, it’s not rare to see the parents scold the child for crying. Because this is engrained at such an early age, this may cause some Asian men to continue withholding emotion as they grow up. It’s rare to hear traditional Asian parents say “I love you” to their children. It’s not rare for Asian kids to grow up on the receiving end of dictator-esque verbal instructions and scoldings. Parents educate and try to push their children to work harder and achieve more by using negative language versus complimentary language. A study conducted by China Daily interviewed a cross-section of people to see if they said “I love you” to their parents. Many people interviewed had never said those three words, and one 56-year old commenting “Saying it aloud is embarrassing for me.” Of course, even in an upbringing where being emotionally expressive is not encouraged, one can still learn how to communicate feelings despite the odds. So in the case of this stereotype, it really depends on the person.
Myth 7: Asian guys aren’t romantic. False. Sure, an Asian guy will think bubble tea is a perfectly acceptable venue for a first date. Nothing wrong with that! Asian guys will almost always say “Yes” to dessert as a date spot. Think crepes with fruit compote or shaved ice cream, their way of romanticizing the occasion involves making the girl happy first before letting themselves pick a place that might suit their own taste. If you see an Asian male holding on to his beau’s shopping bags or Louis Vuitton purse, that doesn’t means he’s “whipped”, he’s just being helpful. It may sound cliché and completely unmasculine, but in Asian culture, the men are raised to always offer comfort for the female, making sure that they are provided and cared for. That’s their idea of romance. Swoon.
Myth 8: Asian guys seek their parent’s approval. True. Beware the tiger mom. When it comes to marriage prospects, Asian guys take into consideration the advice of his parents. It’s more common for a Caucasian male to independently pursue his desires without asking for anyone else’s approval. When one gets paired with an Asian man, however, you don’t just marry the man himself but you marry his family as well.
Myth 9: Asian guys never make the first move. False. Although Asian guys might take awhile to confess their undying love, but that’s only because they like to take it slow. And when they do, they want to be sure that she’s the one. Asian guys are taught by their traditional parents that in order for them to meet the right person, you must already be a successful individual with a lot to offer. You date to marry. Caucasian guys are told they are going to meet a lot of people first before finding the right one. See the difference?
Myth 10: Asian guys don’t like public display of affection. True. Traditional Asian parents show love through immense generosity, helping out financially, and feeding you 24/7. Hugs, cuddles and kisses however, not so much. In a culture where preserving “face” and appearances is of utmost importance, there is a major emphasis on always keeping your cool, being proper and composed. They might steal a kiss or two when no one’s looking, but in retrospect the Asian male would much rather prefer it behind closed doors. Whether it’s their demeanor towards the public eye, or how they choose privacy over strong lustful urges, it’s easy to assume Asian males are more conservative when it comes to showcasing their emotions. Theories explain that this dates back to the nature of Confucian teaching – where displaying one’s emotions publicly is not encouraged.
Myth 11: Asian guys have small “packages”. False! And there’s been research in Nature that you can check out on your own.
Get the book, Breakup Bootcamp: The Science or Rewiring Your Heart.
Want to create healthy love that lasts? Go to www.RenewBreakupBootcamp.com
Love Comes When It’s Least Expected: Henny Rebodos
I find some of these points true. But it all depends on the environment you are currently in.
whatever…let’s stop with this asian bashing. asians should be allowed to do whatever they want and date whoever they want, your article isn’t really helping anything…no offense.
This article doesn’t bash asians. It actually challenges stereotypes.
i have to disagree.
most, if not all of the western stereotypes of asian men is a result of orientalism – patronizing and belitting the east as a way to feel better about themselves. And, when and if you do any research, you’d find out that most of the so-called ‘scientific” and “social” surveys and studies are full of biases and wholly not scientific.
however, when you give your opinions rather than doing any sort of real research and claim that only 4 out of the 11 “myths” are false, you’re not challenging any stereotypes, you’re affirming them.
A myth, by definition is false; fiction; a fable. yet, you hold myths #1,2,8,10 as be true, # 3 and 6 as “depending” and one sly “no comment” to most popular stereotype of asian men as if to affirm it.
All of these are “MYTHS” they’re all false from myth #1-myth #11. Like all men from every ethnicity, every one of these myths “depends” on who you’re dating. if a man of asian descent is from a strict family, then he’ll seek parential approval, but if that man is an orphan, has very liberal parents, then they won’t seek approval. if he’s a cheapskate, he won’t pay the bill.
these traits are not reserved solely on the asian race. they’re everywhere. but when you address them being only applicable to “asian” men, and addressing their validity, you’re not challenging the stereotype, you’re perpetuating it.
thumbs up
There are smart, dumb, lazy, hard working, pretty, ugly people of all races and nationalities.
No, I don’t think it’s bashing either. It’s hard to navigate stereotype discussion without stepping in a little dirt.
Salut, je suis d’origine asiatique et j’emmerde les femmes asiatiques qui épousent des Non-asiatiques.
elles disent que nous mec asiatiques on est moche, elles nous dénigre et nous rejette pour moi se sont des traîtresse.
Je connais des non asiatiques qui ce sont moquer des Asiatique et qui maintenant épouse des femmes asiatiques.
It’s Asian bashing and not Asian bashing at the same time… As I know a lot about the Japanese Language and culture I know that some of these are true. Infact Asian men are MORE likely to act romantic in a non-sexual way but in a please the female way. Also they may not say I love you [except on love your wife day] though they will show their love through pleasing you making you satisfied. And they will swoop for money [not that I really care lets get the bill over with]. What I don’t fully [except for I love you] believe is the not showing emotion one. This Asian boy in my class literally is TOO emotion showing, as he tells me i’m sexy and says I love you and isn’t afraid to talk about his pedophilia…. Also no they do NOT come in small “packages” ok they have normal sized ones but their’s on average is most likely to be the smallest of the white, black, mexican race etc.. They aren’t yellow wth is yellow okay! You talking banana yellow? No no okay no. They are white creamy tan or brown okay. Some have yellow undertones and pink undertones okay and some are just pale! I’m you white people [not including me] are just as yellow as those white asians okay [they aren’t]. I see blonde whites with yellow undertones who look more yellow than the Asian. SO SHUT UP.
I’m white too so don’t say i’m white bashing! I’m EUROPEAN okay and I will defend an Asian man to death. Who likes masculine guys anyway… certainly not me I like the submissive type the sensitive boy. Who’s delicate and graceful. Don’t bash me for not liking your short, bronze, buff big packaged man okay. Girls want a sense of domanance have it by a gental man okay. One that is sweet and picks flowers in the garden [haha] isn’t that bad.
I just love Asian men. Hopefully I can marry an Asian man someday. I hope his parents will like me. For me it isn’t about femininity or submission. I’m just more physically attracted to Asian men. And emotionally as well..They always seem more polite, smarter, fun..
hi
Iam an Asian man, indian + persian, and i feel that sometimes its the media thing which moulds the mind of most of the people. currently , i stay in germany and i see considerable differences among the asians and westerners.
i liked your comment and as regards parents , i wish to tell you that we are surely like friends and i have complete freedom to take my decisions. its just that we are taught to respect the emotions of those around us first of all and thats what ingrains in us , if not all, the ability to love one woman and raise better and prosperous family with no financial problems and mental issues as we make it sure in advance in most of the cases.
as regards packages , its better i dont even comment as thats a really funny comment believe me !)) ” a typical western stereotype ” where all focus is places on big steroidal muscles and no spiritual or mental development. i also have a good muscular body but for me a healthy mind is first priority.
karan
I just want to say I wish there was a noted separation between Asian and Asian-American because there’s a huge difference and I only say that with my own personal dating experience. With 2nd and 3rd generation Asian Americans, they can act identical to how one might expect a stereotypical white man to act, where as Asian men who were born in another country coming over are a totally different beast. I think trying to say generally Asian Americans act a certain way is incorrect because you don’t know how much of what culture they were immersed in or for how long and how that impacted them. Especially because not all Asian cultures are the same. For example theres a lot of difference culture wise between Korean, Chinese and Japanese let alone Thai, Vietnamese, Filipino, etc. And that’s not even addressing subcultures that exist in urban areas vs rural areas and north vs south etc. Just saying I wish this could have been more accurate in that aspect.
depends on people…
As far as package goes. I think Keni Styles, Hung Lo (retired), and Jeremy Long has disproved this.
I’ve dated three Asian guys and have showered with dozens of them at the gym. On p-size I’ve seen them big, average, small, and omg tiny. One of the guys I dated was very well hung, he was Filipino-American. He came from a very loving and caring family, who threw amazing get togethers with omg delicious food. He was beyond sweet, caring and extremely thoughtful. Unfortunately he rushed things extremely fast, and I was not ready for that kind of relationship overnight, so it didn’t work out.
Another guy I dated was Vietnamese-American he was also very sweet and thoughtful. He was handsome and very ambitious with many goals which was a huge turn on for me. Sex was good with him, as we were very compatible. He was average in size, not small. We broke up because he was in the frat scene and it was not the right time. Another guy I dated was Vietnamese, very clean, great tanned body, an amazing ass, but had a very tiny penis. (one of the smallest I’ve ever seen) It didn’t work out because I was not interested in anything serious at the time.
Would I date another Asian man? Yes, if he was Asian-American and had all the traits I was looking for in a partner. I only said American because there is a huge difference between raised in the homeland vs. being born and raised here.
Currently I’m in a very happy relationship with a Mexican-American man about 7 years. About him he’s very passionate, very sexual, well hung, and has great family values. Downfall he’s stubborn as hell, doesn’t put up with my shit vs. some Asian & white men. But of course the relationship has taken a lot of work to get to that level. And I’m very happy with him.