There are many myths and stereotypes when it comes to dating asian guys. Some are completely outlandish and some are, well, a little more spot on. Multiple articles and studies discuss how cultural stereotypes of Asian men may make them less attractive to women of all races, including Asians.
In the book Freakonomics, one study showed that single Asians (male) had to make $247,000 more annually to receive the same response rate as White men on online dating sites. Ouch. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 40% of Asian females will marry a non-Asian male, whereas 20% of Asian males will marry a non-Asian female. This frustration is not being taken lightly. In fact, there’s even a website which acts as a forum for asian men reclaiming their “asianalitiy” – and they are pissed that their potential asian wives are shacking up with non-asians. On another website, one Asian male expresses: “It’s definitely harder for an Asian male to date a white female than for Asian females to date white males. Asian males are not portrayed as masculine, whereas Asian females are stereotyped as submissive, exotic.” What gives?!
The good news for Asian males is that as online dating is becoming less and less taboo, there are a lot more asian dating sites ready to help make meeting potential matches easier. White, black, yellow – really, one’s ethnicity shouldn’t make a difference as we are all part of the human race. No argument there. However, keep in mind that there are certain cultural differences that come to play that shape a person’s mentality, values, ideas of what a relationship dynamic should look like, and subsequently, their behaviour. And because of this, sometimes, there is some truth to the cultural differences of people raised with diverse upbringings. So I’m here today to dispel (or confirm) some of those myths, but only according to my own experience. Before you make any accusations of me making sweeping generalizations, note that my points here are completely biased according to my own sample size. Here goes…
Myth 1: Asian guys fight for the bill. True. When the dinner cheque arrives at the table, the Asian guy will swoop in like a properly trained ninja and attack the dinner cheque before you can even do that “reach” for your wallet. This swift technique is an ancient move passed on by his ancestors – a learned behavior through many many years watching his parents challenge their opponents to who gets to the cheque first. White guys are much more laid back and are happy to carry on the conversation for another 30 minutes while the check is laying on the table; some are even willing to go dutch to further showcase their support towards gender equality.
Myth 2: Asian guys are lightweights. True. Look, it’s an enzyme thing ok? When it comes to alcohol consumption, according to research, the ‘Asian Flush’ occurs due to a deficiency in an enzyme called aldehyde dehydrogenase, which is part of a vital process that digests alcohol. Headache, red flushing, even itchiness will occur after a few sips of alcohol. But, enzyme or no enzyme, don’t think this will deter an asian guy from schooling you in a drinking game though. Challenge him to a game of Pai Gow or Big 2 and he’ll drink you under the table.
Myth 3: Asian guys live with their parents. Depends. Ok, well until they’re married at least. Many asians brought up in a traditional upbringing (both men and women) choose to live at home with their parents until they get married. Asian culture emphasizes family and collectivity, so it is quite the norm to take care of your parents while living under the same roof. Also, living with a romantic partner pre-marriage is generally looked down upon, which is another reason why many asians wait until marriage to move out.
Myth 4: Asian guys have better manners. False. There are many behaviours that are emphasized in a traditional asian culture. With a big emphasis on “taking care” of those around you. For example, at the dinner table, it is a blasphemy to serve yourself food first and immediately start eating. You serve the person you are dining with first, and always offer the last bite. But while an Asian guy’s table manners may be impeccable, other “gentlemanly” behaviours like opening the car door, helping a lady put on her jacket, etc, are not lessons that parents typically focused on teaching. Thus, in my opinion it’s an even ball game.
Myth 5: Asian guys aren’t masculine. False. Unfortunately, we are influenced by what we see in the media whether we are conscious of it or not. Most depictions of Asian males in the popular media are not the same as their Caucasian counterparts. The odd Jackie Chan movie as the exception, you hardly see the Asian guy as hunky, masculine star of the show. Whereas in the 19th century, Asian men were portrayed at the other extreme in the 19th century: sexually dangerous and desirable. The stereotype that Asian men aren’t masculine exists in a large part because of how they are portrayed in the media, not necessarily because that’s actually reflective of reality.
Myth 6: Asian guys aren’t good at expressing emotions. Depends. In Asian culture, males are not encouraged to be expressive with their emotions. Crying is seen as weakness. For example, when a boy gets hurt and starts crying, it’s not rare to see the parents scold the child for crying. Because this is engrained at such an early age, this may cause some Asian men to continue withholding emotion as they grow up. It’s rare to hear traditional Asian parents say “I love you” to their children. It’s not rare for Asian kids to grow up on the receiving end of dictator-esque verbal instructions and scoldings. Parents educate and try to push their children to work harder and achieve more by using negative language versus complimentary language. A study conducted by China Daily interviewed a cross-section of people to see if they said “I love you” to their parents. Many people interviewed had never said those three words, and one 56-year old commenting “Saying it aloud is embarrassing for me.” Of course, even in an upbringing where being emotionally expressive is not encouraged, one can still learn how to communicate feelings despite the odds. So in the case of this stereotype, it really depends on the person.
Myth 7: Asian guys aren’t romantic. False. Sure, an Asian guy will think bubble tea is a perfectly acceptable venue for a first date. Nothing wrong with that! Asian guys will almost always say “Yes” to dessert as a date spot. Think crepes with fruit compote or shaved ice cream, their way of romanticizing the occasion involves making the girl happy first before letting themselves pick a place that might suit their own taste. If you see an Asian male holding on to his beau’s shopping bags or Louis Vuitton purse, that doesn’t means he’s “whipped”, he’s just being helpful. It may sound cliché and completely unmasculine, but in Asian culture, the men are raised to always offer comfort for the female, making sure that they are provided and cared for. That’s their idea of romance. Swoon.
Myth 8: Asian guys seek their parent’s approval. True. Beware the tiger mom. When it comes to marriage prospects, Asian guys take into consideration the advice of his parents. It’s more common for a Caucasian male to independently pursue his desires without asking for anyone else’s approval. When one gets paired with an Asian man, however, you don’t just marry the man himself but you marry his family as well.
Myth 9: Asian guys never make the first move. False. Although Asian guys might take awhile to confess their undying love, but that’s only because they like to take it slow. And when they do, they want to be sure that she’s the one. Asian guys are taught by their traditional parents that in order for them to meet the right person, you must already be a successful individual with a lot to offer. You date to marry. Caucasian guys are told they are going to meet a lot of people first before finding the right one. See the difference?
Myth 10: Asian guys don’t like public display of affection. True. Traditional Asian parents show love through immense generosity, helping out financially, and feeding you 24/7. Hugs, cuddles and kisses however, not so much. In a culture where preserving “face” and appearances is of utmost importance, there is a major emphasis on always keeping your cool, being proper and composed. They might steal a kiss or two when no one’s looking, but in retrospect the Asian male would much rather prefer it behind closed doors. Whether it’s their demeanor towards the public eye, or how they choose privacy over strong lustful urges, it’s easy to assume Asian males are more conservative when it comes to showcasing their emotions. Theories explain that this dates back to the nature of Confucian teaching – where displaying one’s emotions publicly is not encouraged.
Myth 11: Asian guys have small “packages”. False! And there’s been research in Nature that you can check out on your own.
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The problem here is that “Asian” is too vague. There are many types of Asians out there; the standard Westerner’s understanding of an Asian is (usually) Chinese. But there are many other ethnicities with different cultural attributes. Its like… Calling someone European. French people and Germans are European, but vary linguistically and culturally.
It’s right. I like your opinion 😀
It’s true that French and German vary linguistically and culturally, but they probably have more in common, both being European, than a North American and European would have when compared.
All of these points are so true for my culture but I don’t think many call me an “Asian” because I’m Kurdish.
A video i made with my girlfriend when we were vacationing in Ocean Dunes national park in California. proof that Asian men and white women interracial relationships are the happiest!
Ignore this person whoever respond to this common misconception. Im an Asian American 18Yr old guy from Washington state and what i can tell everybody from a real asian guy is EVERYBODY is DIFFERENT. I slept with 5 girls in my past and i can tell you they were all not asian. How? , its who you are, how you act, and how you learn in life. I see many asian people out there that theyre so asian, i called them fobs. If you’re an asian american youll proably know what that means. Anyways, if you meet an asian like me , im pretty sure we can get along and have some laugh. Asian with small packages!? Lol is like saying White People are the most Racist people alive..which is not true. Its funny how people have many missed conception with asian dicks that its too funny and gay ad fuck to be thinking about what you want in life. Sleep with me then you’ll be amazed that my dick wouldnt imagine what youll think of because all that nutrition i intake conpare to other unhealthy obiesty people. In the end this forum was made by white people and white people dont know much better when writing blogs online to the media because they all got fucked up past. And guess what you aint alone too so shut up About what its like dating an asian guy, thats like saying whats its like being white and cocky. Im Vietnamese American and im proud to be a Freemason, Antichrist and President of United States. A country that is soooo corrupted that i feel sorry for the lies and untruthful people opinion can be just to protect Americas Intrest. In the end, we all have to stay equal and protect others not putting flase knowledge to others so they can express it to others like a damn college professor. Kids that were born in the 90’s are going to change the world dramatically. Just sit and watch. Im telling you aha. Take care, God Bless America and U.S. Military Service. If it wasnt for the vietnam war, this comment wouldnt ever exist. So i thank you , you cray white corrupted people.
#666
I feel like this comment had a bunch of topics crossing over, political, social, racial. I’m lost.
age 29 yrsold
Would have to disagree with you on the lightweight thing. I’m Korean, and not only do I *not* get the so-called “Asian glow,” I have yet to meet anyone who can drink me under the table. And I drink frequently.
I think this article was too generalized. There is a huge difference between the new immigrants and American born Asian. Every man is different. I am Chinese and I never had problems dating women of other races. I am more Americanized and opened minded. In fact, I only dated one Asian woman for a short time. I had married several times to Caucasian and Latin women. My current and hopefully last wife is Latin. My personal experience indicated that I met more eligible women as my income grew. Well, they all saw me as more desirable as security for the future. The educated and upper class women saw my race as a non factor.
Almost all the opinion above is right, but for me, manners is the most important thing and also one of the part of our life. I’m Asian, Indonesian.
western men are viewed by thai people as a male race who has the poorest taste for women or the most idiot guy on earth, sth laughed. why?
women from thailand married to western men tend to be widows with their children born out of their first thai husband to be taken care of. they are not virgin ones, or sth regarded as trashes. Thailand’s interracial marriage data revealed that the ratio of widows married to western is up to 75%, which is shockingly high. this is despite unmarried thai women over married ones as thailand is a land of surplus women. In addition, most of these widows live the poorest part of thailand or Esan State.
virginity is the most important factor that makes thai men or other asian men agree to marry a woman. it is almost impossible for sth female widow to find a new love with a new asian man. a thai woman dated a taiwanese man but as soon as this taiwanese man found that she was a widow and had a child born out of her first thai husband, he rejected her.
I do not know what happens in USA because I never lived there. I am just someone from thailand who knows english and I am wrtiing from thailand. I think that in the eyes of thai women in general, western men are not attractive enough or sth alien looking people. that’s why western men hardly get high quality women (virgin ones or well-educated) from thailand. that makes your caucaisian race look bad. I think all western men should try not to marry out of their own race in other parts of the world other than USA. Stop thinking that what’s happening in USA will be the same as what is happening in true Asia.
I am a thai woman, and work as a translator of three languages (thai, english and french). I received lingustic education from my thai unversity.