When I reflect back on my relationships, I realise that each person who has come into my life has helped shaped the person I’ve become today. Each one served a specific purpose and has been a great catalyst for personal change and growth. That’s just the unexplainable, beauty of life. It’s as if you attract a particular person because you needed to learn, grow, re-evaluate… and so the universe sends someone into your life that can help you achieve just what you need at that time.
Your romantic partners reflect your deepest insecurities, desires, fears and hopes. They reflect you. They come in to your life and regardless if at the time you feel that they are leaving you better or worse, one thing is sure: they provide you with an opportunity to grow. And that opportunity is either yours to take or to ignore.
We have karma. We repeat scenarios, habits and situations. The people that we attract into our lives are a chance for us to change that karma. We can keep repeating the same habits and negative cycles, or we can grow beyond those blockages and become wiser, stronger and closer to our pure potential.
When you go through a breakup, it can be quite difficult to have this holistic perspective. But there is light at the end of the tunnel, and the choice you have after the experience is completely in your control. You can easily choose to block out your emotions, blame and harbour resentment. However, know that this route only harms yourself and taints the next relationship you will have in the future. Or, you can embrace your emotions, be honest with yourself, and ask yourself what you can do within to become healthier. After all, how can you attract the “right” one into your life, if you yourself are not the “right” one?
I went through a breakup six months ago that was extremely heart breaking. During that time, I couldn’t find a way to see past the darkness, anger and pain. But fast forward to today, I have to say that I’m thankful for the experience. As challenging as it was, it made me so much stronger, and made me re-evaluate my life, my goals and my life vision.
That challenging period of my life helped me grow as an individual and open up my heart and mind. I made active choices that propelled me on a path of positivity, health and happiness. During the time of my heartache it sure didn’t feel good, but if it wasn’t for me hitting such a low, I would have never reached this new high. It’s as if I had to lose a part of myself to really find myself again. Today I feel as if I see the world through a different lens, and everything is a lot brighter and beautiful. Not that the beauty didn’t exist before, it’s just that I never stopped to notice and appreciate it.
I have realised that everything is perfect the way it is. The universe may have a funny way of showing this perfect plan, but everything happens, and doesn’t happen for a reason. And I truly believe that when one door closes, it’s because another was meant to open.
The relationships that don’t work out aren’t failures nor are they a waste of time. They are meant to happen because they are preparing you for the person you are meant to end up with, and the person you are meant to be. Regard these people as blessings, because they are like teachers and the lessons they leave are a gift. But ultimately, it is you who chooses how to perceive these experiences, and your happiness depends on that choice.
♥
Whether you are someone who has recently had a breakup or you’ve experienced past heartache that hasn’t fully healed, Renew Breakup Bootcamp can help you rewire the heart so you can move forward in a healthy way, making space for new beginnings and new love.
You owe it to yourself to get more information on Renew, the retreat experience that will leave you empowered and renewed.
Are Men Trained To Hate Women?
I was in an abusive relationship. It nearly killed me. But without having gone through that experience and come out alive, I would not be the happy, strong, assured, fulfilled person I am today. I’m Asian, and traditionally in our culture there’s a tendency to ask our young women to settle for somebody who has a good job and doesn’t have an overt flaws while overlooking more sinister traits that may be brewing underneath, just for the sake of not being alone. By breaking out of this relationship, I feel like I’ve broken a vicious cycle in my family. My mother has evolved for the better as well and our relationship has vastly improved as a result of my experience.
keep up the good work, im going through the same thing, hope everything will be okay for me too :)…def. need time
You seem too young to speak such words of wisdom …. but they are very true. I know this as at 65 yrs of age, I have had many “lessons” in my life that I learned from. I am now with the right person, know myself well, and am extremely happy in my life.
Amy, I read your article in the 24 newspaper. What a great time to have come across this. I just broke up wtih my boyfriend this past Wednesday. I can understand when you say that every relationship teaches something about yourself. Even though I knew the relationship wasn’t right for over a year, I held on hoping it would become better. I was working against all the forces that were pushing me away from the relationship and it was such a struggle. Now that the relationship has come to an end instead of wishing it was something else, I look at myself and question myself. Why did I stay for so long? What void was I trying to fill? In this day and age its easy to succumb to society’s pressure to find that perfect someone, to have a family and to have everything. Now that I’m 28 I’ve started to realize that I only have myself to compare to and once I’m complete as a person, someone will find his way into my life. I admire your courage and for speaking out. Your article spoke to me in many ways and touched me. I hope you find peace, courage, and happiness in your journey.
This is such a beautiful post, and I completely agree. At the moment of the breakup, it always feels as if there’s nothing left. We don’t realize that time is all we need to be able to look back on our relationship as a learning experience. I truly believe that every little thing that happens to us happens for a reason, and if a breakup is what needs to happen then so be it. If you’re stuck in a bad relationship or one that simply isn’t going anywhere, then there’s no room for growth (as a person). ‘There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind.’ 🙂
Bonnie
This article was brought to my attention last Friday. He left it for me. I read thru it briefly but just glanced. Tonight this article was brought to my attention again as he texted me to ask if I still had it. His exgirlfriend of four years now can not let him go and move on. Its been strife for me everytime he and I are settled she comes back. I sent him the web version of this article. Its well written being positive learning from what didn’t work and finding the one who fits your shape. Life is about learning and moving forward. Breaking up is hard it is so negative to hold onto what was for four years. As its said be blessed and know your blessed. As one door closes a new one opens. You can make the choices of moving toward a healthier stronger you that will attract the same. Her call backs after four years have been hard. But i feel sadness for her. Its such a waste of energy in a positive way. Hopefully she will find her mantra and salvation of moving forward with eyes wide open.
Firstly I will say God bless you for your choice of advice, I thought I was the only one going through this exact!!’ same problem but of cos it’s life! I dated my partner for 2 solid years and we both love each other soo much but we have a little bit of issues that we both have to solve and reflect on, because if we don’t take the 6months break that he suggested, the whole thing could really blow up! And I might just loose him for the rest of my life….I love him soooo much and feel like I can never love any other man like him again, he as been traumatize from a very bad 4years of marriage and he says he wants to really be sure what he’s getting into again because the old relationship still hunts him and I suffer it a lot, he as really helped me to grow. I am more refined than before he met me, i do respect his choice of the 6months break for us to really reflect on our lifes together because we hope to get married real soon but all am a bit worried about his “what if we never come back? What if he decides to break up completely? At first I had thought he wanted to test the waters by searching for a better partner but he sincerely told me that it’s not about another partner and he’s not even looking for anyone but wants to work on his financial level and he would give me an answer in 6months time? He wants me to also work more on my own financial level, he doesn’t want us to ever struggle because he says that is the number one killer of a marriage. He calls me almost everyday to check on me……please y’all, from my explanation what do you think? Do you think he’s being sincere and really wants to make it right or do you think it’s an easy way out excuse? From what I think, I feel he’s sincere but I don’t want to console myself. Please reply if you can? Cheers.
O what wise words 🙂 I have been Married for 5 1/2 years now, been with my husband for over 13 years. we have 2 children and the youngest is only 3 months. he has disapointed so much that i was begining to actually hate the man i loved all these years. I realised that it was indeed the order of the universe for me to find him so i find and become me. I looked at my kids and I felt so sorry that I could no longer be with their father. I thought I had failed my kids but this article has help me so much. Thanks so much once again. 🙂
I feel humbled reading this post. I’m into a relationship that has been dead, a few months ago but I’m scared of the feeling of breaking up— for 3rd relationship. I guess I’ll just go ahead with it and expect the best in future. Thanks a lot for sharing this.
Well explained.