For many, domestic partnership is the next logical step in the relationship growth path after the dating stage. While it can be cohabitating bliss, it can also be a near disaster if you don’t learn how to co-exist peacefully under the same roof. The “little things” may seem small at first, but when repeated on a daily basis, frustrations like dishes in the sink can definitely exacerbate quickly.
Here are a few lessons I’ve learned (and am still learning) along the way to keep a functioning home and resultantly, a happy relationship.
This uncomfortable conversation is one of the most important to have to discuss who puts in what, who takes care of bills, etc. There is no one solution – you have to find what works for you. The system will also need revisiting and adjusting as careers and financial situations change.
My friend Sunny recently told me, “You have to learn how to live, love and fight under one roof”. When arguing, your first instinct may be to leave the nest and stay elsewhere, but taking off doesn’t set a very good precedent in establishing a home with someone. Learning how to argue is important, and this may require laying down some house rules.
Instead of obsessively nagging your partner to do the dishes or make the weekend plans, determine the tasks you have a comparative advantage over. If you’re quick at doing the dishes and actually don’t mind it, perhaps that’s your task and your partner who loves making plans can be in charge of organizing dinner with the in-laws. Don’t take it personally – just get smarter and more efficient with the division of responsibility.
Sure, the courting phase is over, but living together is not a ticket to wear pajamas 24-7, talk in a baby voice or to pack on the pounds. If you want to keep the sparks continuing, make an effort in your appearance and hygiene.
Keep Your Individuality – Everyone needs his or her personal time. It may feel natural to do everything with your partner, but it’s important to still have time with your girlfriends and vice versa. Give each other the opportunity to miss each other.
Photo credit: James Vaughan