There was once a point in time where you were deep in the throws of love, and it was as if your partner could do no wrong. You integrate into each others’ lives, you laugh, you play… you love.
Then time goes by, and for whatever reason, the relationship doesn’t last. You break up.
The pain, the hurt, the rejection and the fear – they bring out the worst in you. Soon a side of you reveals itself that you never knew even existed. And in the midst of another screaming match with your ex, you wonder – where in the world did this all go wrong? How did love suddenly turn into…hate?
It is such a shame that couples choose to end a relationship in this way. It doesn’t have to be. It’s a choice. If you are honest with yourself and resist pride and ego take control, you will find compassion, empathy and care. Because love doesn’t disappear just because the titles have. That love may take different forms, and it may hide deep in the trenches of your heart when you’re hurt. But it’s there – even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time.
You see, when you love someone, despite the arguments or mistakes, it doesn’t make you love that person any less. True, that love may eventually fade through time, but it doesn’t turn off like that of a light switch. If it did, then it probably wasn’t real love to begin with.
So to those dealing with painful “ex” issues, here’s some food for thought. The next time you want to exact revenge on your ex, disregard them, scream at them, or show other signs of disrespect and hatred – try to stop for a moment and dig back in to your memory bank. Instead of viewing them as the “enemy”, remember them as the person they once were to you – someone you loved, adored and shared happiness with.
Understand that they are human too, and just dealing with pain and loss the best way they know how. But while they may don’t choose the higher road, and react with hurtful words and actions, just don’t forget this: you cannot control the behaviour of others, but you can control yours.
So act with integrity and choose to respond, not to react. And if you need a gauge, think about what the “you” five years from now would think about your behaviour, or your children. Are you conducting yourself in a way that the future, rational “you” would be proud of? Would you want your children to emulate your behaviour? If the answer is “no”, then it’s probably a good indicator that you may want to rethink your actions.
Photo credit: Rima Baroudi
3 Replies to “Unhappily Ever After”
Amy, i love reading your blogs. I’m going through the same process as you and your blogs totally express how I feel. Continue writing and keep up the good job. 😉
Reminds me of the beautiful and insightful song “It Happens Every Day” by Carly Simon:
“It happens everyday…
Two lovers with the best intentions to stay
Together they decide to seperate
Just how it happens
neither is certain
But it happens everyday…
It happens everyday
After you break up
You say these words to your friends:
“How could I have loved that boy?
He was so bad to me in the end”
Will you make him a liar?
Turn him into a robber?
Well, it happens everyday….
But I don’t regret that I loved you
How I loved you I will never forget
And in time I’ll look back and remember
The boy that I knew when we first met…”
And speaking of beautiful and insightful, Amy, you are a wonderful person and I just don’t get why anyone would ever break up with you 🙂 – it could only be a case of “pearls before swine”! I hope you will soon meet a sweet person who will love and cherish you 4ever 🙂
Well said. 6 months into a divorce, child with special needs. Trying to take the high road for his sake, and let go of anger, rejection, pain and respond with kindness. Your blog is so wise for a young person (for anyone really)! Thank you!