There are many myths and stereotypes when it comes to dating asian guys. Some are completely outlandish and some are, well, a little more spot on. Multiple articles and studies discuss how cultural stereotypes of Asian men may make them less attractive to women of all races, including Asians.
In the book Freakonomics, one study showed that single Asians (male)Ā Ā had to make $247,000 more annually to receive the same response rate as White men on online dating sites. Ouch. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 40% of Asian females will marry a non-Asian male, whereas 20% of Asian males will marry a non-Asian female. This frustration is not being taken lightly. In fact, thereās even a website which acts as a forum for asian men reclaiming their āasianalitiyā – and they are pissed that their potential asian wives are shacking up with non-asians. On another website, one Asian male expresses: āItās definitely harder for an Asian male to date a white female than for Asian females to date white males. Asian males are not portrayed as masculine, whereas Asian females are stereotyped as submissive, exotic.ā What gives?!
The good news for Asian males is that as online dating is becoming less and less taboo, there are a lot more asian dating sites ready to help make meeting potential matches easier. White, black, yellow – really, oneās ethnicity shouldnāt make a difference as we are all part of the human race. No argument there. However, keep in mind that there are certain cultural differences that come to play that shape a personās mentality, values, ideas of what a relationship dynamic should look like, and subsequently, their behaviour. And because of this, sometimes, there is some truth to the cultural differences of people raised with diverse upbringings. So Iām here today to dispel (or confirm) some of those myths, but only according to my own experience. Before you make any accusations of me making sweeping generalizations, note that my points here are completely biased according to my own sample size. Here goes…
Myth 1: Asian guys fight for the bill. True. When the dinner cheque arrives at the table, the Asian guy will swoop in like a properly trained ninja and attack the dinner cheque before you can even do that “reach” for your wallet. This swift techniqueĀ is an ancient move passed on by his ancestors – a learned behavior through many many years watching his parents challenge their opponents to who gets to the cheque first. White guys are much more laid back and are happy to carry on the conversation for another 30 minutes while the check is laying on the table; some are even willing to go dutch to further showcase their support towards gender equality.
Myth 2: Asian guys are lightweights. True. Look, itās an enzyme thing ok? When it comes to alcohol consumption, according to research, the āAsian Flushā occurs due to a deficiency in an enzyme called aldehyde dehydrogenase, which is part of a vital process that digests alcohol. Headache, red flushing, even itchiness will occur after a few sips of alcohol. But, enzyme or no enzyme, donāt think this will deter an asian guy from schooling you in a drinking game though. Challenge him to aĀ game of Pai Gow or Big 2 and heāll drink you under the table.
Myth 3: Asian guys live with their parents.Ā Depends. Ok, well until theyāre married at least. Many asians brought up in a traditional upbringing (both men and women) choose to live at home with their parents until they get married. Asian culture emphasizes family and collectivity, so it is quite the norm to take care of your parents while living under the same roof. Also, living with a romantic partner pre-marriage is generally looked down upon, which is another reason why many asians wait until marriage to move out.
Myth 4: Asian guys have better manners. False. There are many behaviours that are emphasized in a traditional asian culture. With a big emphasis on ātaking careā of those around you. For example, at the dinner table, it is a blasphemy to serve yourself food first and immediately start eating. You serve the person you are dining with first, and always offer the last bite. But while an Asian guyās table manners may be impeccable, other āgentlemanlyā behaviours like opening the car door, helping a lady put on her jacket, etc, are not lessons that parents typically focused on teaching. Thus, in my opinion itās an even ball game.
Myth 5: Asian guys arenāt masculine. False. Unfortunately, we are influenced by what we see in the media whether we are conscious of it or not. Most depictions of Asian males in the popular media are not the same as their Caucasian counterparts. The odd Jackie Chan movie as the exception, you hardly see the Asian guy as hunky, masculine star of the show. Ā Whereas in the 19th century, Asian men were portrayed at the other extreme in the 19th century: sexually dangerous and desirable. The stereotype that Asian men arenāt masculine exists in a large part because of how they are portrayed in the media, not necessarily because thatās actuallyĀ reflective ofĀ reality.
Myth 6: Asian guys arenāt good at expressing emotions. Depends. In Asian culture, males are not encouraged to be expressive with their emotions. Crying is seen as weakness. For example, when a boy gets hurt and starts crying, itās not rare to see the parents scold the child for crying. Because this is engrained at such an early age, this may cause some Asian men to continue withholding emotion as they grow up. Itās rare to hear traditional Asian parents say āI love youā to their children. Itās not rare for Asian kids Ā to grow up on the receiving end of dictator-esque verbal instructions and scoldings. Parents educate and try to push their children to work harder and achieve more by using negative language versus complimentary language. A study conducted by China Daily interviewed a cross-section of people to see if they said āI love youā to their parents. Many people interviewed had never said those three words, and one 56-year old commenting āSaying it aloud is embarrassing for me.ā Of course, even in an upbringing where being emotionally expressive is not encouraged, one can still learn how to communicate feelings despite the odds. So in the caseĀ of thisĀ stereotype, it really depends on the person.
Myth 7: Asian guys arenāt romantic. False. Sure, an Asian guy will think bubble tea is a perfectly acceptable venue for a first date. Nothing wrong with that! Asian guys will almost always say “Yes” to dessert as a date spot. Think crepes with fruit compote or shaved ice cream, their way of romanticizing the occasion involves making the girl happy first before letting themselves pick a place that might suit their own taste. If you see an Asian male holding on to his beauās shopping bags or Louis Vuitton purse, that doesn’t means heās “whipped”, heās just being helpful. It may sound clichĆ© and completely unmasculine, but in Asian culture, the men are raised to always offer comfort for the female, making sure that they are provided and cared for. That’s their idea of romance. Swoon.
Myth 8: Asian guys seek their parentās approval. True. Beware the tiger mom. When it comes to marriage prospects, Asian guys take into consideration the advice of his parents. It’s more common for a Caucasian male to independently pursue his desires without asking for anyone else’s approval.Ā When one gets paired with an Asian man, however, you don’t just marry the man himself but you marry his family as well.
Myth 9: Asian guys never make the first move. False. Although Asian guys might take awhile to confess their undying love, but that’s only because they like to take it slow. And when they do, they want to be sure that she’s the one. Asian guys are taught by their traditional parents that in order for them to meet the right person, you must already be a successful individual with a lot to offer. You date to marry. Caucasian guys are told they are going to meet a lot of people first before finding the right one. See the difference?
Myth 10: Asian guys don’t like public display of affection. True. Traditional Asian parents show love through immense generosity, helping out financially, and feeding you 24/7. Hugs, cuddles and kisses however, not so much. In a culture where preserving āfaceā and appearances is of utmost importance, there is a major emphasis on always keeping your cool, being proper and composed. They might steal a kiss or two when no one’s looking, but in retrospect the Asian male would much rather prefer it behind closed doors. Whether it’s their demeanor towards the public eye, or how they choose privacy over strong lustful urges, it’s easy to assume Asian males are more conservative when it comes to showcasing their emotions. Theories explain that this dates back to the nature of Confucian teaching – Ā where displaying one’s emotions publicly is not encouraged.
Myth 11: Asian guys have small “packages”. False! And there’s been research in Nature that you can check out on your own.
Ā
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“live with their parents AT LEAST until they get married”
That would be a solid confirmed then.
Grown men being dependent on their moms/parents and not being able to survive on their own is not considered masculine or sexy.
No I don’t think so. Being an asian myself all of my asian friends moved out when they went into college and become independent ever since.
It’s not a dependency thing. We buy the house to live with and take care of our parents while single. When we get married, we buy another one for ourselves. When the parents can no longer take care of themselves, we move them in to live with us instead of senior homes.
I don’t think you have a depth understanding of the Asian culture. Asian men is clearly not a relationship choice for you and vice versa.
live with parents = depend on parents?? Most of them feed their parents when they are working
Right, but they are generally getting an education while living at home, then go off to be more successful. That’s a contributing factor as to why Asians make more money on average than others.
That’s better than your parents kicking you out on the streets in early adulthood with just a high school education and end up living in poverty. Which is what happens to a lot of guys.
So it would be foolish to promote this harmful American pastime of patents abandoning their kids. They need to help get them into college or skill training. Abandoning young people is destroying this country. It’s largely why we have more prisons than any other country.
Agreed. Even after college it would be more beneficial to live with their parents for couple of years to save money for down payment on their first house instead blowing it on rent.
While I love the idea of dispelling steretypes, any article on a single race and gender is going to be fraught with them. Instead of focusing on race, which is not a scientific concept, I think it would be more helpful to focus on East Asian cultures in this article.
FWIW, here is my story: I was very supportive of my European-American husband as he grew his career and I took care of our child night and day while he worked. I also managed to finish my graduate degree. My husband used my dedication to him as an opportunity to cheat on me and when I confronted him and told him to stop, he divorced me. He was ruthless in the divorce proceedings because that’s who he was and he had a financial advantage over me.
Meanwhile, a Chinese-American man got divorced by his Chinese-American wife because he wasn’t very exciting and she left him for a Caucasian guy whom she felt was her “soul mate.” (Apparently he wasn’t though because he didn’t stick around after she divorced.). This divorced dad was devastated because he’d tried his best to do all he could for his familyy yet it still ended in divorce.
One of the important lessons this man learned from his family of origin was never let your emotions get the best of him. He therefore decided to exercise, get out of the house and meet people. One of the people he met on his adventures was the lady from the first scenario who finally had some time to get out and have fun since she wasn’t working so hard supporting her ex’s career.
The end of the story is that these two people met, became friendss, shared adventures and values and fell in love. The woman happened to be Euopean-American who also greatly valued family and the guy was happy to find someone who loved him for who he was. He was a safe, caring person and this woman valued those qualities a lot. Even their kids approve of each other’s choice and WE are now engaged. Yep, it’s my life and I feel very lucky and blessed to have found such a great guy and family! (He is also very handsome and sexy, but that is not why I love him!)
I hope this story warms your heart and helps people move beyond stereotypes. There are wonderful people all around us if we open our eyes to them.
When you say european-american who greatly valued family…what specific european are we talking about…because europeans who are close to their families are usually spanish, portuguese and italians in western europe and I think polish or romanian in eastern europe…
I love this story with a heartwarming outcome after adversity! Suspenseful till the end š
I’m attracted to Asian males, but finding them in my area is difficult. I did have a wonderful date with a Chinese man two days ago, but it didn’t work out with him. His text back game was weak, and I don’t think I could handle his job’s hours or his lack of effort to contact and get to know me. We had a fun time through and made out several times in the theatre and the car. I don’t do sex on the first date and I think that’s what he was expecting, to get laid.
To do my Asian men a favor, I was thinking about building a dating site that caters specifically to them. Much like how Asian women have their own dating sites where they are the only race of females on the site, but any man can come sign upā¦.
I’vey noticed, being a woman of color who likes Asian males, that white men are extremely jealous of Asian men. The dating ad that I met the handsome Chinese guy on, I created specifically for Asian males.(turned out he was a Marine. Explains the hours that make dating life difficult). Though I got a very positive response from Asian men who messaged me interested in a date, my email was also flooded with angry and self entitled white men who found it appalling that any woman would prefer an Asian man, especially over them. I had dozens pouring into 100+ Emails from white males sending me dick pics as if this was going to make me reconsider my attraction for Asian men, and making penis jokes that I know from experience are false I had white men write me long emotional rants, call me racial slurs, and call Asian men āChinksā, white males were even pretending to be Asian just to insult me or say āIām Asian, and Iām offended that your dating ad doesnāt include all races. Thats prejudiceā lol, like, who are you trying to fool? A white guy was so emotional that he wrote me an angry rant trying to both impress and insult āI drive three cars and I go on many vacations and maybe you could enjoy this if you werent a stuck up closed minded cunt and liked white guysā mind you, my ad didnāt mention white men once besides saying that I was experienced dating men from all backgrounds, black, white, native American, hispanic, and that of all the men Ive dated, I had the most pleasant experience with Asian men and want to continue exploring that avenue. Get thisā¦ Iām not white. I can understand if I were a white woman and made an ad for Asian males only, and I received the backlash and onslaught of attacks I did from white men. It would make sense if I were a white woman, and white men responded this way, because people are still uncomfortable with the idea of members of their race dating out. Iām not a white woman, thoughā¦. There were more white men attacking me for preferring Asians than my own race of men. That goes to show white menās level of entitlement that they would come into a space that had nothing to do with them, and attack me because they felt entitled to my attraction simply for being white. I put that ad up three times over a period of months after dating an Asian guy and it not working out. Each time I was flooded with verbal attacks from white men, and dick picsā¦ Not my men, white men flew off the handle at an ad maDE for asian men. The third time I posted my ad, because I already predicted the attacks, I had to put a foot note for white males at the bottom of the ad explaining the extent to which I am attacked each time I make an ad, not by my own men, but entitled white males who viewed Asian men as beneath them and felt entitled to my attraction. I mentioned that I am entitled to my preference and they are not entitled to me. If they want a cutie Ebony that bad, put up an ad for black women, but this is a space for Asians. White males got the ad removed.
So, with the dating site I am going to build for Asian males, since I can already predict that white men will try to flood it out of their sense of entitlement, you canāt make an account unless you are an Asian man, and if someone reports that you arenāt really Asian, this will violate the siteās guidelines and they will have their account deleted and E-mail banned. They flooded my E-mail simply because they thought that they were superior and entitled to my attraction. So they completely disregarded the fact that the title said it was for Asian men, because in their minds they are above Asians, and if she likes Asians, I stand a better chance because Iām whiteā¦ When I showed that they didnt, they were furious, and threw racial slurs my way, and also called Asian men racial slurs. There was a dating site that I visited for Asians. Where it said āMeet Asian menā, it was filled with white menā¦ So, I can already predict how they will come into this space Iāve created for Asian men, and try to steal the platform. Thatās why with this site, Im going to be very strict with the guidelines to prevent non Asian men from coming in and trying to steal this space. They already have their own space, but it’s completely narcissistic to want to steal the space of others because you can’t stand not to have attention.
#2 is false. Obviously you have never drinking with Koreans. Korea has a healthy drinking culture.
#4 What are you talking about. We do hold doors and pull out chairs.
Next time do specify which ethnic Asian group yiu are talking about. Dont lump us together.
100% agree with you John!
Honestly, men from my culture (I am Caucasian) don’t open doors and pull out chairs. If they do it’s only until you’re officially dating.
My love life so far has been so pathetic that if it were a book, it would be a “New York Times Bestseller.” Two of my five exes were Asian-a Laotian and a Filipino (are they considered Asian?) and they hurt me the most. I would like to give Asians another try, but I don’t they’d be interested in me, unless they were those annoying thuggabees/ Delaghetto types or the pretentious SJW/ Buzzfeed types. Heck! I’d be lucky if I had any decent guy take interest in me as a person and not some piece of tail (I’m a virgin and guys don’t seem to respect the word “no.”)
Hahahahaha Hum I see I was right thinking that asian culturr was very closed to african culture. Instead of sending parents to seniors home, many tend to keep them home and live with. In Cameroon we absolutely don’t have seniors home…because no one wants his parents to end up alone in those places…furthermore we live in community, we don’t have any problem living with others family’s members…and we also need parent’s approvaI to get marry…some people discare it when they don’t agree to the marriage , but it’s still important for us…And when some woman get married to a man, she’s also the whole family’s wife…So even if the man died, she can remain in the family as long as she wants…and the family, especially her husband’s siblings should take care of her and her children if she can’t herself…after all she’s also the family’s wife…As a cameroonian woman attracted to Asians I’m proud of my choice….
Asian men dating site is a brilliant idea.
They exist but they are fetishy on both sides. So the key is to screen for authenticity
Hi, I find that your article is one of the more accurate articles out there. However number 8 and 10 are also “depends”. Depends on generation, level of western exposure, or relationship with parents. There are guys who do not have good relationships with their parents. Example, maybe they accept many of the western ideologies but their parents are old school. Culture is a hard thing to break but it really depends on the exposure. In homogenuos like communities in the USA there maybe a higher ratio of this. However, those you meet outside of the community or have constant interaction with activities that are not culturally grounded will take the left turn away from the 100% approval or acceptance … or try to talk to their parents.
As for number 10, this too depends, because I have seen very affectionate Asian couples. It is going to depend on the individuals elements that made them who they are. If we take in consideration men that are mostly educated here, work in the western work force, and have a diversity of friends, you will see influence. Scope of influence and diversity of friends.
Interesting article. I’m Filipino. Male. Married, with 2 kids. Born, educated, and still living in Manila. Yes. Filipinos are Asian. The Philippines is part of the continent of Asia and we are part of the South East Asia sub-group (i.e. Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos, Malaysia, Indonesia, Singapore, Brunei, etc.). We are a mixed race of Malay, Chinese, Spanish, Mexican, and American. There is no “one” look that distinguishes Filipinos from other South East Asians. Language aside, Asians living in very cosmopolitan cities such as Manila, Singapore, Bangkok, Kuala Lumpur, Jakarta, to name a few, mostly look quite similar.
One thing I’d have to agree with is that we do date to marry. This goes for both men and women. We only date women or men who we feel meet the criteria of being a possible spouse.
What criteria might these be? Depends on your family, friends, level of education, relative wealth, career stage, and place in the social hierarchy.
Does this mean we will no longer date or get married to women or men from other countries? No. We are multi-racial. An attractive person will be attractive no matter what country she or he may come from. It really depends on the criteria we may have for a spouse.
Does this mean women from other countries also find Filipino men attractive? That’s up to them to determine. Should it matter to us? No. There are many fish in the sea.
Oh, by the way, the average penis size around the world for all races is 5.6 inches. š