“She’s crazy!” he exclaims. A friend continues to explain the story about the girl he was dating (and sleeping with for 7 months) that got upset with him one night at the bar. They were having a drink and he thought it’d be a good idea to also invite the other girl he was dating to come join for a drink.
Um. Excuse me? That’s crazy?
That’s not crazy, that’s a dude pulling a dick move and the girl responding like any normal human being would.
The “crazy” category seems to be automatically applied to any woman who shows “too much” emotion or is too sensitive. It’s as if in this context of bro-talk that women fall into a narrowly defined spectrum, consisting of two buckets: the “She’s cool” bucket or the “She’s craaay” bucket.
This quick-to-label-crazy behavior removes any responsibility from the person who may very well be the trigger for an emotionally heightened reaction. In addition, it causes the person who is being labeled feel shame for their emotions, when such feelings may very well be a warranted response.
Wanting to know where you stand with a guy after dating for a period of time – that is not crazy. Feeling anxiety because that guy you slept with hasn’t called you back – that is not crazy. Feeling pressure of wanting to have children and afraid of your biological clock ticking – that is not crazy. Wanting a guy to treat you with respect, care and dignity – that is not crazy. Wishing for marriage after dating a guy for half a decade, that is not crazy. Crying because something makes you sad, expressing how you feel when you don’t feel seen or heard – that is not crazy.
No, having emotions, standards, boundaries, and parameters for the type of relationship you want is not crazy. And I think we need to redefine what “crazy” really is.
“I think of “crazy” as what happens when we love the other person more than we love ourselves,” says author Tracy McMillan. She has a valid point.
“Sure, we can all act a little crazy at times, but that does not make us crazy.”
Acting crazy is when you participate in self-destructive behaviors because you are ruled by your insecurities and ego. Instead of looking within and getting to the source of your wounds, you continue to self-sabotage – directing your pain into blaming others. Sure, we can all act a little crazy at times, but that does not make us crazy. We need to remove the shame behind human emotions so that we can get to the root of our insecurities and fear. We need to stop using blanket labels as a cop out, to ultimately remove accountability in our part of making someone else feel a certain way. Otherwise, we only perpetuate a cycle of name-calling and destructive behavior. Nobody wins. I don’t know about you, but that seems just plain crazy to me.