Recently I went to a restaurant and the guys sitting next to me were secretly swapping watches, so that the one guy could impress a girl he had met at the bar with his friend’s Rolex. I’ve seen grown men borrow fancy, excessive cars in order to appear richer and more successful. I’ve witnessed people put on the most spotless show to the public eye, only to retreat into lonely, ashamed, substance-abusing beings in private. I see people often pretending to be something they are not.
In a world of Facebook, where we see a constant stream of our ”friends” lives – from their latest vacations, Ferrarris, bottle service in Vegas, to ultrasounds – we see the image people carefully craft. Because it’s online, the ability to pick and choose this image is easy.
Every status update, photo, boast and tweet – is chosen to present to the world the type of person we want everyone to think that we are. There is nothing wrong with this. However, it’s common for people to pose to be something that they really aren’t. I don’t know if social media is to blame for the lack of authenticity that is running rampant online. Regardless, I want to call it out. To the people busy posing out there, here’s my note to you:
Please. Be you. Nobody who really matters cares about the image of the perfect, rich, successful, party perusing, popular, celebrity acquainted person you are trying to craft. People who matter – they care about your kindness, your compassion, your consistency, your love, your attitude and your values. People who matter see through the other stuff and know it is just a mask to hide your insecurity. Fancy “things” do not add to you as a person. They are fine to enjoy, but just know that they don’t make you any better, more loveable, and definitely not any cooler. Are there people who gravitate to that stuff? Of course. But is that the audience and company you really care to keep? I’ll repeat a quote my sister once told me, “Only impressionable people are impressed.” It’s as if there is a big circle of impressionable people constantly seeking validation trying to impress everyone else.I have a lot of respect for people who have the courage to be raw, authentic, honest and… imperfect. Because as human beings – we naturally come with vulnerability, flaws, fears and complex emotions. That is what makes us beautiful. That is what enables us to connect and bond. When we try to mask our basic humanness and cover it up with superficial visages, we lie. We put forth a self that we think everyone wants us to be, when really, people just want you to be at ease with who you already are. Can we all stop posing now so we can really connect? In the words of the the one and only Dr. Seuss, it’s important to remember the 3 things to give up to be happy.
3 Things To Give Up To Be Happy
I’ve been in conversations where women are in long-term committed relationships and make the decision that the man they are with is not good enough or as one put it “just a mechanic”. I’ve observed women become influenced by their friends who are dating guys more successful or are able to provide more. Kindness, compassion, consistency, love and attitude only goes so far. You’ll have to forgive men when they feel they have to pull out all the stop to impress.
Thank you Amy for this post and saying it like it is. What you said “sings to me!” Be who you are. xo
So well said – you’re BANG on…can you tell the RHOV this – they missed the 101 in this class. I have retweeted! Enjoy your day!
Great post Amy, though I can relate to Andrew’s comment. It seems in this day and age where disposability is king and where relationships are being marketed as products, people are so overwhelmed by choice that they’re constantly on the lookout for what I call “the upgrade”. It pushes people to extremes sometimes and though I choose to be authentic and real, I can see why some people want to be more than they are. I find that authenticity intimidates more people than I think it should. I don’t know if that’s a Vancouver thing or what, but it certainly seems to be the case. Some people are more comfortable either holding their cards close to their chest, or holding out cards that don’t even belong to them.
Good points Amy. I guess it’s generally about people who put money ahead of finding their passions. If you’re living your passionate life, money and status have less importance. I’m finding passion in my photography again over at thatjeff.com. Not something to start a new career, but something that I’m passionate about.
By the way, you may want to consider losing the posts about things like eyebrows and cleaning products on your blog. I think you have way more important things to say and product posts diminish that.
We live in a society where hypergamy rules, women are much more impressed with status and money than ever before. Can you blame men for needing to impress a woman with wealth in one of the most expensive cities in the world?
Hi Jeff, Thanks for reading. I’m a girl – i love girly things that include fashion, beauty and travel. There is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with like nice, quality things. The problem is when you let those things become a part of your identity. I believe in balance. I do not believe I have to be at one extreme a feminist who writes off nice shoes because I’m trying to prove a point. My goal is to spread awareness of the things most people don’t talk about. And have fun while doing it.
Must be all the Dr. Seuss books I read when I was little, I think I still can see who I am in the mirror on most days…ha.. nice post.
Hi Amy,Very insightful ideas but aren’t we all afraid of not being enough? So many people judge with such little wisdom that people feel worthless unless they try to live up to those standards. Sad but true. Your words have given me hope that maybe there is hope for authenticity. I hope your ideas are embraced. But I’m not optimistic. I have retweeted your comment! -Steven
Once again, Amy, we think alike. (Kudos to like-minded wordsmiths!)