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3 Things To Give Up To Be Happy

Give up being a victim. The perspective that you are just the result of all external variables deflects responsibility for taking control...

Amy C Written by Amy C · 2 min read >

I recently came across an interesting article titled, 15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy. Some of the points that really resonated with me include:

“Give up your need to always be right.” I find this especially important to keep in mind in romantic relationships. Sometimes we get so caught up with proving who is right and wrong, that we forget that when it comes to complex feelings and emotions, sometimes who is right really doesn’t matter.

“Give up on blame.” Blame is a scapegoat for taking responsibility of your own outcome. It is a lot easier to point the finger at someone or something else instead of looking within. Blame is not constructive. It does not help you or the other person – nobody wins in the blame game. The amount of energy and stress it takes to blame just takes away from you moving forward and finding a solution.

“Give up complaining.” I am guilty of complaining, but when I get stuck in that negative narrative, I try to think of Seth Godin’s quote, “Complaining is not a winning strategy.” Sure a good bitch fest can help with venting and getting things off your chest. But nobody on the receiving end wants to hear a constant stream of complaints, and the dialogue only harms yourself.

“Give up your need to impress others.” I spent my entire teens and early twenties doing whatever I could to be liked. I wanted to fit in and be accepted. This is an extremely exhausting endeavor. Especially now, with the proliferation of social media, managing what others think of you both online and offline is just plain tedious. When you accept that you are perfect the way you are, and you embrace your quirks, flaws, strengths and vulnerability, you get a lot more comfortable in your own skin. And when you’re confident, you stop caring so much about what everyone thinks of you. You stop worrying if someone will like you or not, because deep down, you know that the people who falsely judge you don’t matter in your life.

A few points I would like to add to the list are:

Give up being a victim. The perspective that you are just the result of all external variables deflects responsibility for taking control over your own life. It is unfortunate that sometimes bad things happen to the best of people. Life can be unfair, unkind and unjust. However, being stuck in a victim mentality does not nurture your ability to move forward and onward.

Give up feeling entitled. Nobody owes you anything. Nobody. When you approach life with the perspective that you are owed things, it’s likely that you will find yourself disappointed time and time again. When you are grateful for what you have, and see positive things as bonuses versus owed expectations, you will be surprisingly pleased.

Give up pretending. In a society where we are rewarded for perfection, we are constantly role playing. We try to show the world that we are flawless human beings in hopes that we will be liked and accepted. But the beauty of us lies in our vulnerability, our love, our deep, complex emotions…our humanness. When we embrace who we are and decide to be authentic instead of perfect, we open ourselves up to have true connection with others. There is no need to put on a show. There is no need to pretend to be something or someone that you are not. You are perfect the way you are.

What limiting beliefs do you think you need to give up to be happy? Add yours in the comments.

Written by Amy C
Amy Chan is the Founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, a retreat that takes a scientific and spiritual approach to healing the heart. Marie Claire calls her "A relationship expert whose work is like that of a scientific Carrie Bradshaw" and her company has been featured across national media including Good Morning America, Vogue, Glamour, Nightline along with the front page of The New York Times. Her book, Breakup Bootcamp - The Science of Rewiring Your Heart, published by Harper Collins, will be released Fall 2020. Profile

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10 Replies to “3 Things To Give Up To Be Happy”

  1. Dear Amy,

    Follow your heart
    Stay true to yourself
    Low what you want
    Do what you love

    Assuming that none of the above are hurtful to your well being and are not elements that may threaten your life.

    I love your blog, style and how you express yourself. Thank you for being fabulous and sharing your gift.

  2. stop pretending is a great point. of such importance i fear its significance will be lost of most readers..

  3. These are three great points, but have you ever read Malcom Gladwell’s “The Outliers”. I recently picked it up and it had a short chapter on being entitled. It suggested that people who have an air of entitlement (or have the courage to ask for more because they feel entitled) might actually get more opportunities in life. Just something to think about (from someone who once was always too humble to ask for anything from anyone!)

  4. Hi Amy,
    My relationship is suffering at the moment, I’m feeling very “down” and he doesn’t get that the relationship needs some TLC. This post rang true to me as I think I’m the problem and just overthinking and complaining too much.
    Thanks so much for this post and keep up the amazing blog! I love it!
    Aimee

  5. Amy!
    Every single one of your articles inspires me so much.This one, of course, was no exception! The one that speaks to me the most is “Give of complaining”. I really feel that this relates to the huge majority of people, including myself, and we need to realize that complaining is not constructive at all, we need to use our own strength to push through our problems.
    Thanks for being so insightful =)

    PS to what Sandy said, I think that makes a lot of sense too. The key is we need to find the right balance of knowing that we have rights and that we deserve certain key things (like respect, honesty), but we will never be happy with constantly feeling entitled.

  6. Amy, your blog is just exactly my vision of life that I have ! Your blog is my Bible, keep writing articles for us, you give the best advices to be a human proud of himself !
    Don’t change 😉
    M-C

    Ps: Sorry for my english I’m french ^^
    XXX

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