Somewhere along the way of our socialization in North America, females learned how to use their sexuality to lure men. We put on skimpy outfits, apply loads of makeup and hit the bars strutting our stuff. We act like party girls, post pictures on Facebook showing how carefree and fun we are. We brag about how much we drink. We want to show the world that we are fun, sexy and confident.
And, like moths to a flame, we attracted the opposite sex. We learned that this was an easy way of drawing in potential suitors. However, after one-night-stands, getting treated with disrespect and not getting called back the next day we conclude to ourselves, that guys, are just pigs. So back to step one we go, and repeat. We get hurt again; our self-esteem suffering more and more.
“All men are dogs” we chant. But maybe, just maybe, there will be one that will see the real you, who will want to invest in you to be their woman. Not for just a night or booty calls, but to be their girlfriend. Someone who they’d be proud of introducing to their family, friends and colleagues. So maybe, it’s just that you haven’t met the right man yet – it’s a numbers game.
The misconception lies here. It’s not that men are pigs (well, some of them, yes, but not all), it’s that your strategy is all wrong. When you exude sexual energy to lure in a man, all he sees is fun and sex. He automatically (consciously or subconsciously) puts you in the “don’t take serious pile”. You’re not a challenge because getting sex was so easy, and as nice and kind of a person you may be, they can’t see past the good role-in-the-sack that you were. Secondly, you are likely attracting “sport fishers”. These guys don’t want to commit, they don’t want anything more than uncommitted sex. And no, you cannot change them, if it’s not their time, it’s not their time, and they will keep fishing for the type of women who will put out. Even when you start off thinking you just want to have fun, if you ask yourself truthfully, it is quite likely that deep down you actually just want to be loved. You yearn to feel wanted and special. But you’ve never learned another way of attracting men, so you keep introducing the sexual vixen side first and foremost, and the cycle continues.
If you want to have fun and fool around, this strategy will get you just that. Nothing wrong with that. But, if you want to find a relationship based on love, commitment, and want to be taken seriously, then you must change your strategy. Change the strategy and you’ll get different results. But ask yourself first, do you want to be the marrying kind or the one-night-stand kind?
Photo credit: Alexa_Jade