To You.
The last few months have been one of the most challenging times of my life. I lost my job, my income, and along with that, a part of my identity. Then, the relationship with the man who I thought I was going to marry, ended abruptly. I never had a back-up plan. I just trusted and gave the relationship everything I had. Since I had given up my apartment along with all my furniture to live together with him, I had no “home” left. It was as if one day I was living this stable, secure and planned life and within moments, I was lost, broken, and just trying to make it through another day.
I never, in my life, felt such paralyzing pain. There were some pretty dark times in those first few weeks, and the thoughts going through my head were toxic and downright crazy. It was as if a different person possessed me, and my worst self surfaced. Pain controlled me, along with sorrow, self-pity and a rage that screamed, “Why is this happening to me? Why is life so unfair?”.
But through the process, I realized, as much as I thought I had “lost everything”, I actually had a whole lot. I had my health, my friends and my family. And that alone, makes one extremely wealthy. My friends lent me their apartments, and with a suitcase of basics, I moved 7 times within a span of two months. My sister from New York called me every single day for two months straight, usually at least twice, to check up on me. My other sister spent nights with me, and handled me with care and a kind of nurture that only an older sister knows. Every conversation revolved around my pain and drama, and not once did they ever seem to get sick of hearing me cry, question or ramble.
My parents walked on eggshells around me, afraid to say the wrong thing. So they just showed me their care in the way they knew how but without prying or asking questions. And if you know typical Asian parents – this is an extremely hard thing to do.
And my friends – oh my dear, dear friends. They listened, comforted me, and even interrupted their own busy lives to spend time with me. A few of them literally picked me up off the floor when I would go spiralling into a dry-heaving cry fest. I’ll never forget, during the first few days, my friends took shifts visiting me – making sure that in my most fragile stage I was not alone. They brought me food and made sure I ate since I was so depressed I had no appetite. They did nothing but love me. Not once did any of my friends or family make me feel like I was an inconvenience or a burden.
And people who I don’t speak to regularly, some just acquaintances from my past – reached out to me, and wrote me messages with such kindness and compassion. Even some old friends who’ve I had past differences with, made the effort to send me a few nice words or a song, to show that they cared.
Strangers who read my articles took the time to send me thoughtful, supportive emails. People from different parts of the word, of different ages and experiences, connected with me and shared their stories. Perfect strangers – reached out with kindness, with no agenda or motive, but from one human to another, wanted to share their care.
Pretty damn amazing. And I feel so fortunate to have such a community of love and support.
So I wanted to write this note to you. All of you. Thank you for being kind, because if it wasn’t for your kindness, love and care, I don’t think I would have been able to pick myself back up. To those who sent me messages of support, or even quietly sent me some positive energy from afar – thank you. You don’t know what a difference it has made in my life.
And if there is anyone else out there, who may be going through something similar, I’ll leave you with this. If you act with love, and use that as your compass, regardless of the challenge you may be facing, however dark, deep and painful it may be – eventually, love will circle back. It may have a funny way of navigating back to you, and sometimes it can take its sweet ol’ time, but it eventually does. And it only gets better from there. I promise.
With love and appreciation,
Amy
Photo credit: Amarpreet Kaur
I fall. I cry. I get back up.
I am going through a divorce and your words have given me hope. Thank you for sharing.
Amy,
Thank you for your words. I have been through rollercoaster emotion for the past of 3 months. I left the house that me and my partner have built it together. My world came crushing down on me when 7 years relationship has come to the end. But like you, I am so lucky surrounded by family and friends who love me. I have a place to live now, and my relationship with my mum is getting better because we always communicate everyday. I think, no matter how painful it is, I am positively sure that I can through this 🙂
I just found you Amy…at a pretty low point in my life. This article sounded like me at the beginning. I’m typing this from a transition house. I have lost so much in the past year, that to find anything to be grateful for is a little tough. BUT I am alive and kicking and screaming and crying. Point is I am still HERE. I know i will get through this. I am glad I found you. just wanted to say thanks .
Hi Laurene,
Thank you for reading my blog and for taking the time to share a bit of your story with me. I don’t know what you’re going through, but it sounds like you’re at an ebb in your life. I too, was in a very awful place just 10 months ago. I went through a trauma that ripped off a bandaid – and all the suppressed issues I’ve carried since childhood surfaced to the top.
It’s been 10 months now – and it has taken that much time for me to feel healthy again. I’m happy today and I look back and realise I came a long way – learned a lot, and have built a strength and courage that would have never been possible if I didn’t go through that “ebb”.
I truly believe in life that things happen, and don’t happen for a reason. I believe that both the ebbs and flows, the good and bad, the pain and the joy – they are all part of a bigger plan. All you really can do when you’re in the thick of it is to try and remain hopeful that each day is a new day, and eventually, everything will be okay. It will. These times of strife are also blessings – because they give us the greatest opportunities to reflect, to look within, to grow and to create the life we want. Sometimes the universe seems to “set you back”, but really you’re just getting a blank canvas to start again.
From one stranger to another in this crazy but beautiful world…I send you love and positive energy your way.
I’ll leave you with a quote I love…
“Just when the caterpillar thoughthought the world was over, it became a butterfly.”
Amy
Bawled my eyes out reading your article/blog. I guess because I could relate to so many of your experiences and feelings during the period immediately after the split. It is a glaring demonstration of the point that we (humans) are more alike that we’d like to believe. And I totally agree about the kindness of friends, family, acquaintances and even strangers. It blew my mind how kind and loving everyone was and is. My relationships with the people in my life improved tenfold. Sometimes out of our greatest pain can come so many triumphs. These include becoming stronger and wiser people, and also changing the standard of what we will accept in our lives.
I have read quite a few of your blogs so I know you’re doing better. May the universe continue to to bless and love you my dear. You are one of its shining lights….a wonderful star who brings brightness to so many going through dark times.
Wow!! I went through the exact same situation except, I’m self-employed and I still had my own place. On top of it all, a sibling spiraled into a nervous breakdown that led to a deep rabbit hole in mental illness. Your article still resonates with me, somehow I managed to put it all behind me. That was about 10 years ago. Friends otherwise known as my chosen family aside from the family I was born into saved me. It is profound how love and humour can heal us all deeply. I hope that after a year you’re in a beautiful place in your life-like all great endeavours are work in progress.
All the best to you and much love and support.
Dear Amy,
Thanks for your beautiful writings and insight about almost everything. Believe me that I could relate to most of your ups and down… The heartbreak, survival and now I am looking for new direction in my life. I am glad that I found your blog.
This entire blog makes me so happy. There is something I can read for every mood I am in and I love that. Thanks for your words. They strengthen me.
Amy, I just discovered you and your powerful writing today. I see that you have read Bach’s Illusions from your quote. That book is mind blowing. Anyway, I hope the Huffington Post pays you the big bucks you are so worth. Write a book, please.
Kind karma
Wow Donna,
Those are such kind words. Thank you so much.
Gosh. So powerful, so true…so painfully true. I am going through the a traumatic breakup, and as each day passes i keep hoping to feel better….but sometimes it feels like two steps forward, three steps back. Sometimes i wish i could fast forward my life to a place where i no longer stare at the ceiling wondering why and feeling so worthless. Over analysis and self awareness isn’t always the best – knowing this to shall pass and my worth has nothing to do with a man doesn’t make this any easier. I still feel worthless and hope that each day will fast forward so i can sleep.
Anyway – id love an update…i realise you wrote this a few years ago and would love to know you are alive, kicking, happy and past the pain of heartbreak!