friends, Life

Who You Surround Yourself With, You Become

During high school, we gravitated towards certain friends due to our aspirations and interests of our youth. BFF qualifiers included a shared...

Amy C Written by Amy C · 1 min read >

During high school, we gravitated towards certain friends due to our aspirations and interests of our youth. BFF qualifiers included a shared love for basketball or underage drinking. But then, we grew up.

Fast forward a decade. You have changed your home, your values, your career, your life. But while every aspect of your life was reassessed and updated, your friendships weren’t. Your friends consist of those whom you’ve shared a history with. But are grade school memories and Kodak moments enough?

There is a beauty of having old friends that I will not deny, but history alone is not enough to bring an old friendship into the present , and subsequently, the future. The people you surround yourself with, you become. We are all energy. If you subject yourself to peers who are negative, insecure or destructive, it will affect you. Regardless of your strength as an individual, you are not immune to a constant surrounding of negative energy or bad influence.

Your friendships, just like everything in your life, need updating. They need to be reassessed from time to time to determine if they are still working in your life. Your friends should bring out the best in you. If you are surrounded by people who bring out the worst  in you, then that is a serious red flag that the friendship doesn’t fit in your life. True friends are the ones that have the courage to tell you when you’re losing your way. They care enough to have those difficult conversations that most people will avoid.

If you want to have greatness in your life, surround yourself with great people. If you strive to be a happy, fulfilled, honest, confident, empowered and principled person, surround yourself with people who are the same. Is this selfish and heartless? No, it’s not. Because if you are influenced negatively by someone, it will affect how you are with the people who love you. Once you allow a negative force to permeate your life, you hurt yourself, which ultimately affects everyone that surrounds you. In no way am I saying to ditch the people you love. You can love these people all you want. But, selecting them to be in your immediate peer group is another story.

Choose your company wisely. Be relentless with surrounding yourself with those who bring out the best in you. Your direction in life depends on it. And while you’re at it, have the courage to be a good friend to those who choose you.

Photo credit: Camille Rose 



Written by Amy C
Amy Chan is the Founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, a retreat that takes a scientific and spiritual approach to healing the heart. Marie Claire calls her "A relationship expert whose work is like that of a scientific Carrie Bradshaw" and her company has been featured across national media including Good Morning America, Vogue, Glamour, Nightline along with the front page of The New York Times. Her book, Breakup Bootcamp - The Science of Rewiring Your Heart, published by Harper Collins, will be released Fall 2020. Profile

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10 Replies to “Who You Surround Yourself With, You Become”

  1. This was something I realized recently as well. Long time friends grow apart but have a hard time accepting it sometimes. Although they may be positive people themselves, if they’re too different from yourself they become negative for you. Nice article.

  2. Early on (so now I have established my “datedness”) one of my mantras was in that in 5 years you will be the people you associated with and the books you read now. Well my life has gone topsey turvey since then and I am re-examining all my mantras and life philosphies …perhaps you might include books and other media (like videos) in your formula.

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